U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Great Debates
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 08-09-2017, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,560 posts, read 11,645,504 times
Reputation: 21077

Advertisements

Hitting a child is a crime..its bullying at its worst level.. To hit a child for any reason is the parent out of control, who thinks to hurt is the way to resolve an issue.. its not, it only causes hatred and resentment and that child then or can become a bully to other children and animals.. Ive said this before on here..... what would happen if you hit a stranger on the street who annoyed you..... you would be arrested.. but to even think of beating someone you are supposed to love is beyond me.... Do parents who beat their children feel good afterwards and get some deep satisfaction ...I often wonder..

 
Old 08-09-2017, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Baltimore - Richmond
434 posts, read 251,289 times
Reputation: 640
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1 View Post
No, natural consequences are much better. If you use physical punishment on children, this makes you "the bad guy". From a kid's perspective, it is not a consequence of their actions, rather, it is you, the parent, being a narcissistic, overcontrolling boss that cannot negotiate and uses physical force instead.

Hitting by any other name is still hitting.

Everybody, adults and children alike, needs to see how actions relate to consequences. And "consequences" does not mean "punishment". It means "the natural result of an action". For example, the consequence for a child who pesters someone and is rude is that the child gets shunned by that person or asked to leave.

If you don't allow children to experience natural consequences, then again you are the "bad guy", because the child sees nothing really wrong about the act aside from the fact that you don't allow it.

If you think a 6-year-old can't sense that you are imposing something on them by authoritarian fiat, or if you think children don't need to know the real reason something is wrong, you are mistaken.

Obviously you can't allow a 2-year-old to drink a bottle of cough medicine to teach them about "natural consequences", but you certainly can allow children to express their opinions, and talk to them with the recognition that they are free to believe you are mistaken about something and are free to express their opinion just as an adult is. "Talking back" should NEVER be grounds for punishment. The freedom of speech and the freedom of thought are available to all ages.
I think that this is the thought process that I am leaning toward. I don't know if children are able to reconcile the action of you beating them with the action that lead to the beating. To them, they may just be receiving a beating. I have an in law who makes his children write down what they did that was wrong, why they felt the need to do this and what could possibly be a better way to handle the issue. I always found it really interesting.

I believe that I have some internal conflict because I was raised in a family that very much believed in physical discipline and I turned out fine. However, when looking back, I can't say in good faith that the beatings are why I turned out well. I'm not sure that I learned anything from the beating other than 'this action results in a beating' and 'my parents do not like when I do this'. None of those lessons translated over to real life and when on my own I would still partake in those actions when I was sure that I would not be disciplined for it.
 
Old 08-09-2017, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
19,249 posts, read 9,067,774 times
Reputation: 18600
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
Hitting a child is a crime..its bullying at its worst level.. To hit a child for any reason is the parent out of control, who thinks to hurt is the way to resolve an issue.. its not, it only causes hatred and resentment and that child then or can become a bully to other children and animals.. Ive said this before on here..... what would happen if you hit a stranger on the street who annoyed you..... you would be arrested.. but to even think of beating someone you are supposed to love is beyond me.... Do parents who beat their children feel good afterwards and get some deep satisfaction ...I often wonder..
You're using too general a term to have meaning.
 
Old 08-09-2017, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Baltimore - Richmond
434 posts, read 251,289 times
Reputation: 640
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
Hitting a child is a crime..its bullying at its worst level.. To hit a child for any reason is the parent out of control, who thinks to hurt is the way to resolve an issue.. its not, it only causes hatred and resentment and that child then or can become a bully to other children and animals.. Ive said this before on here..... what would happen if you hit a stranger on the street who annoyed you..... you would be arrested.. but to even think of beating someone you are supposed to love is beyond me.... Do parents who beat their children feel good afterwards and get some deep satisfaction ...I often wonder..
I'm sure that this is the case for a small fraction of parents but I think that for the most part people raise their children the way that they were raised. I'm not saying that this is right or fair but it can be difficult to see an issue with something if you have been submerged in it your entire life.
 
Old 08-09-2017, 01:03 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
18,243 posts, read 17,389,146 times
Reputation: 30526
It's not pc to spank anymore but I'm going to say it anyway. We were usually disciplined by other means but if we did something horrible, we were told we would get a spanking by our father. This was done with all the kids I ever knew and they all turned out fine.

This past generation of kids has been spoiled and the parents seem to think they are supposed to be best friends with their kids. No, you are supposed to be parents who teach them things.

One of the few times I can remember being spanked was when I was definitely told to be in at 8pm --we ALL knew when it was 8pm because a loud curfew whistle went off in our town. So I knew. But I was with a bunch of kids who weren't obedient and I stayed out with them for about another hour.

I got spanked for that and I deserved it. My parents were worried sick and they were almost ready to call the police because they couldn't find me. The spanking worked and I never did it again. There is something about a spanking--you don't forget it. It works. But it's only for serious, even dangerous infractions. And it is not a beating or a whipping.

For most discipline though, you can teach them by taking privileges away or by other means than spanking. You can even set a reward for them and cancel it if they misbehave. I was never "hit" in public and it is not a crime to spank a kid. In public, my parents spoke to me or threatened to take me home if I didn't behave. I was well behaved but it was usually a matter of us kids fighting or making too much noise.

With very young kids, speaking to them doesn't work because they are too young to understand. They can't reason. You can help them by distracting them with a toy or you can just get them doing something else. They can learn the word "No" and that's a word they need to learn asap. Little kids don't need a reason, they just need to stop doing what they are doing and as soon as possible, they need to learn "No." If they are going to touch the hot stove, NO might make a big difference.

I think kids learn well with rewards and punishments. Rewards would be a hug, kind words, some sort of a treat that they enjoy (not candy but maybe playing a game with them because they have been so good), maybe an occasional ice cream cone with the emphasis that it's because they have been so good. But also punish them when they have been bad--take things away so they feel bad. Do not feel sorry for them (that's the hard part) and do not feel like you are being bad or mean. You are teaching them and in the long run, that's good.
__________________
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.
 
Old 08-09-2017, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,280 posts, read 7,573,655 times
Reputation: 17375
Ah the great spanking debate.

This thread will get shut down by page six.
 
Old 08-09-2017, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Baltimore - Richmond
434 posts, read 251,289 times
Reputation: 640
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
Ah the great spanking debate.

This thread will get shut down by page six.
Has this debate been previously had here? I did a search before creating the thread but there may have been a problem with the way that I worded it. I'm conflicted on the subject and was looking for others to share their opinions on the matter. Apologies if I've duplicated a thread.
 
Old 08-09-2017, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Baltimore - Richmond
434 posts, read 251,289 times
Reputation: 640
Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
It's not pc to spank anymore but I'm going to say it anyway. We were usually disciplined by other means but if we did something horrible, we were told we would get a spanking by our father. This was done with all the kids I ever knew and they all turned out fine.

This past generation of kids has been spoiled and the parents seem to think they are supposed to be best friends with their kids. No, you are supposed to be parents who teach them things.

One of the few times I can remember being spanked was when I was definitely told to be in at 8pm --we ALL knew when it was 8pm because a loud curfew whistle went off in our town. So I knew. But I was with a bunch of kids who weren't obedient and I stayed out with them for about another hour.

I got spanked for that and I deserved it. My parents were worried sick and they were almost ready to call the police because they couldn't find me. The spanking worked and I never did it again. There is something about a spanking--you don't forget it. It works. But it's only for serious, even dangerous infractions. And it is not a beating or a whipping.

For most discipline though, you can teach them by taking privileges away or by other means than spanking. You can even set a reward for them and cancel it if they misbehave. I was never "hit" in public and it is not a crime to spank a kid. In public, my parents spoke to me or threatened to take me home if I didn't behave. I was well behaved but it was usually a matter of us kids fighting or making too much noise.

With very young kids, speaking to them doesn't work because they are too young to understand. They can't reason. You can help them by distracting them with a toy or you can just get them doing something else. They can learn the word "No" and that's a word they need to learn asap. Little kids don't need a reason, they just need to stop doing what they are doing and as soon as possible, they need to learn "No." If they are going to touch the hot stove, NO might make a big difference.

I think kids learn well with rewards and punishments. Rewards would be a hug, kind words, some sort of a treat that they enjoy (not candy but maybe playing a game with them because they have been so good), maybe an occasional ice cream cone with the emphasis that it's because they have been so good. But also punish them when they have been bad--take things away so they feel bad. Do not feel sorry for them (that's the hard part) and do not feel like you are being bad or mean. You are teaching them and in the long run, that's good.
Is there a difference between spankings, beatings and whippings? If so, what would you say is the difference. I have always been under the impression that they were looked at as synonyms or that different parts of the country used different words for the same actions.
 
Old 08-09-2017, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Washington state
4,761 posts, read 2,362,869 times
Reputation: 13999
I think spanking depends totally on the child and sometimes on the situation.

I think a child can occasionally be swatted but when I say swat, I mean just that: a light smack on the fanny. NOT a beating, NOT a whipping with a belt, NOT slapping the child across the face, NOT physically harming the child. But you take a two year old who knows perfectly well not to do something and does it anyway. You can give him a light swat on the fanny and he's going to yell and holler even if he doesn't feel it. It's not the pain that deters him, it's the act of being swatted. Or being thwarted, take your pick.

I've heard people say it just proves that being bigger than the child makes him think you can hit people when you're bigger. But guess what? You're bigger than your child for a reason. And YOU are the one who has to teach him how to live and thrive in this world. Part of that teaching is disciplining. That doesn't mean always spanking a child when he does something wrong, but it can be a useful part of it if it isn't done in anger.

As for the situations, well, let me put it like this: if I had a three year old that tried to bite me out of anger, he'd probably get a swat back. If I had athree year old that ran out in the street when I told him to stay by me, I'd probably be a lot louder and make a swat that did hurt. My reasoning is that running out into the street could be deadly, so a good swat on the back of the fanny and a little talking to are far better than the alternative.

Yes, that sounds inconsistent, but I would be trying to raise a child, not a robot. I wouldn't be trying to raise someone who always did exactly as I said the minute I said it. I would want him to think about the situations, as much as he could at his age. My goal in raising a child would be to eventually have him make his own decisions and think for himself, even if that means he grows up and disagrees with me.
 
Old 08-09-2017, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,280 posts, read 7,573,655 times
Reputation: 17375
Quote:
Originally Posted by mpier015 View Post
Has this debate been previously had here? I did a search before creating the thread but there may have been a problem with the way that I worded it. I'm conflicted on the subject and was looking for others to share their opinions on the matter. Apologies if I've duplicated a thread.
I don't know if you've duplicated a thread or not but it is the age old argument between parents: Those who spank and those who don't.

Those who don't spank think of those who do spank as child abusers. Those who do spank think those who don't spank raise Special Snowflakes.

It's a lose lose debate.

Too bad this wasn't in the parenting forum. It would have been really good.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Great Debates
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top