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I think women have to endure a mans come on to her from an early age from a boyfriend who pushes her for sex, to a boss or coworker making inappropriate remarks, to guys checking them out at the grocery store, to drunk bozos at the bar that can't understand why a woman would give up the chance to have sex with him, to someone like a Harvey that promises the moon if they would only do.....
Women are bombarded all the time. I say they get used to it and when it goes beyond what I mentioned above they don't know how to respond and instead will wonder what they themselves did to deserve such abuse.
They blame themselves for being victims.
There are even women that attack other women by saying that they somehow deserve the bad treatment due to how they dress or act around men.
I think it is great that so many are coming out to share their stories because it will bring attention to the problem and might make men think before they bother a woman and coerce or even force them into something they both might regret.
I would say two very big reasons. The first being victim blaming. There is a thread in the philosophy forum that women should take some responsibility. Imagine a night where you had one too many and are raped. How many people would say "well if you didn't drink so much it wouldn't have happened." Women start to question what they could have done differently, when in reality it isn't their fault.
The second is proving it. It's your word against your attacker. Ivanka Trump accused Donald of raping her. No one believes it. Why? Because there isn't solid proof.
most true offenders do a plea down.
Hard to advocate for the victim (yes they are a victim) in rejoicing when the perp gets a slap on the hands.
When it happens inside a relationship...married, living together...a relative....Its presumed some level of "consent" was implied....
The "we don't" talk about *that* is part of the way to deal with something of this nature....
That elephant in the room is embedded in our society.....
I cannot remember the name but there was a high profile sex assault rape not long ago, where the jury acquitted the guy, and afterwards, they said many of the jurors thought how the girl was dressed played some part in this.
I only bring this up, because I hear it said so often that how a woman dresses has no impact at all, but I think maybe that is not a good thing to say anymore, because in this case anyway, how she was dressed was very important to a jury, it may not PC or right, but it is what it is, jurors are going to take this into consideration in thse cases.
First let me say I have never been a victim of a crime, except maybe being bullied one time as a child.
So anyone who wants to say "you've never experienced it, so you don't know" is absolutely right. I'm trying to understand as a society why this is still so "hidden"
Today one of the US Olympic gymnast now says she was abused by one of the team doctors. WTH!!
Since the Harvey Weinstein story broke, it's been fast and furious all these stories of men of power who are abusing scores of women.
There is now even a twitter handle. #metoo.
Why is this still so kept in the shadows and how do we change this?
This is just pondering, I know this is a complicated issue but every day know women who seem outwardly so confident and successfully are coming forward.
I think it is easier to come forward years later when there is no burden of proof at all. It's kind of like accusing someone of stealing money from you 5 years ago. How do you prove it?
I think some stay silent because they don't want to deal with the justice system. That's a personal choice. Like every other crime, a victim will have to repeat the events again and again. Like every other crime, the victim may have to testify if it goes to court or in a deposition. Many women would rather not talk about it. And that's a choice. If they don't want to report it, that's up to them.
But I think it is rather cowardly to be a "me too." And anyone can be a me too. Anyone can say, hey he did that to me too, with zero expectations of proof or truth. Who is telling the truth and who is lying/seeking the spotlight? I have no doubts there are some who were raped, but I also have no doubts that some of the "me toos" are attention seekers for the spotlight to revive a career (very sick tactic, I know).
If you are going to come forward, do it when it matters. Do it when the justice system can help you. Do it when there is evidence that can be collected. Do it when there can be a conviction. Do it before it happens to SOMEONE ELSE.
I realize this is an unpopular viewpoint ( I have the very strange viewpoint that women should be accountable for their behavior and that INCLUDES reporting a rape). I also realize it happens more often in entertainment and the military. Pretty much every female actress claims to have been raped or molested by a manager or relative. Weird.
I think it is easier to come forward years later when there is no burden of proof at all. It's kind of like accusing someone of stealing money from you 5 years ago. How do you prove it?
I think some stay silent because they don't want to deal with the justice system. That's a personal choice. Like every other crime, a victim will have to repeat the events again and again. Like every other crime, the victim may have to testify if it goes to court or in a deposition. Many women would rather not talk about it. And that's a choice. If they don't want to report it, that's up to them.
But I think it is rather cowardly to be a "me too." And anyone can be a me too. Anyone can say, hey he did that to me too, with zero expectations of proof or truth. Who is telling the truth and who is lying/seeking the spotlight? I have no doubts there are some who were raped, but I also have no doubts that some of the "me toos" are attention seekers for the spotlight to revive a career (very sick tactic, I know).
If you are going to come forward, do it when it matters. Do it when the justice system can help you. Do it when there is evidence that can be collected. Do it when there can be a conviction. Do it before it happens to SOMEONE ELSE.
I realize this is an unpopular viewpoint ( I have the very strange viewpoint that women should be accountable for their behavior and that INCLUDES reporting a rape). I also realize it happens more often in entertainment and the military. Pretty much every female actress claims to have been raped or molested by a manager or relative. Weird.
In regards to the #metoo campaign - it's not just about outright assault, although 1 in 3 women have been rapes. Think about it. 1 in 3. Look around the room and think about that when your family is gathered together for the holidays. But it's also about mistreatment and harassment. I don't know one, single, woman who has not been grabbed at a party or bar, or had vile things said or yelled to her by complete strangers while walking down the street. That's harassment. Why don't women call out men when it happens? Well, sometimes they do. But many times they are just too scared. One women confronting often more than one man. Not exactly safe.
I love this quote. "We talk about how many women were raped last year, not about how many men raped women. We talk about how many girls in a school district were harassed last year, not about how many boys harassed girls. We talk about how many girls in the state of Vermont got pregnant last year, rather than how many men or boys impregnated teenage girls. So you can see how the use of the passive voice has a political effect. (It) shifts the focus off of men and boys and onto girls and women. Even the term 'violence against women' is problematic. It's a passive construction; there's no active agent in the sentence. It's a bad thing that happens to women, but when you look at that term, 'violence against women," nobody is doing it to them. It just happens to them. Men aren't even a part of it." -Jackson Katz
In regards to the #metoo campaign - it's not just about outright assault, although 1 in 3 women have been rapes. Think about it. 1 in 3. Look around the room and think about that when your family is gathered together for the holidays. But it's also about mistreatment and harassment. I don't know one, single, woman who has not been grabbed at a party or bar, or had vile things said or yelled to her by complete strangers while walking down the street. That's harassment. Why don't women call out men when it happens? Well, sometimes they do. But many times they are just too scared. One women confronting often more than one man. Not exactly safe.
Please cite your source that 1 in 3 women have been raped. You are so far off the mark it's absurd.
Rape IS about outright assault. By definition.
Having some yell Nice BooBs is not RAPE.
Having someone pat your butt in a bar is not RAPE.
Someone being a jerk 1x to you is not harassment. It's someone being a jerk. And it is not rape.
You do actual rape victims a tremendous disservice when you claim that it is.
Victims scared to come forward for several reasons. Shunned at work, losing a spot on their team, viewed differently by peers etc.....
Stupid to remain silent but it does happen way to many times.
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