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Think about it: What would happen if you came home stumbling drunk at 2:00 AM? (provided that you didn't drive) An actual best friend would hand you a Gatorade, make sure you don't break anything while stumbling to the bed, and grumble a little. A romantic partner/spouse would yell at you about being "irresponsible", berate you about how "they expected better things from you", and give you silent treatment for days.
I think part of the problem is you guys are marrying the wrong women.
I hesitated to put this here or the Relationship Forum, but I prefer to run it here as it's so debatable.
I try to downplay the statement (You Never Say No To Your Wife or PBT/Power Behind The Throne) but I see it too often, the fear of saying No to the wife.
I've done massage for 30-40 years and have had many a married man on my table and I've heard too many stories.
One of my massage clients would love to join me on one of my 1-day trips to L.A., going to museums, as he loves Art. Wife not interested, and? She won't allow him to go without her!
My cousin is snowbirding it in western AZ this winter, and I've offered to pay their RT fares to L.A. from Vegas for a 2 day venture, since neither has ever been there. He'd love to go with, but the wife is not interested, and she's the boss! So as not to create friction, he's not going.
Having read a bio of Michelle Obama, Barrack was so smitten with her, he called her The Boss from the beginning of their marriage. "No, your smoking days are over!" "Yes, Boss!"
I learned very late on, that my Father never wanted children (my mother had 3, which explains why he never had much time for us, can't blame him!) and he wanted to move far away from family to Colorado, and she wanted to remain close to family. And? Who won that battle?
When I put my house up for sale, a couple came to look at it, the husband went wild with job at seeing my work bench and storage area in my garage, saying "Perfect!" The wife grimaced, and the agent told me, privately: You should know, it's the woman who makes these decisions! House not sold!
What's your take on this "mystery"?
It's been said, true love is wanting the other to be as happy as possible, and?
As a wife I would find it very odd if my husband was going with his masseuse to a museum without me. Sorry, just weird. I wouldn't forbid him because I have full trust in him, but that is just an odd example.
You can reverse this why is so hard for women to stand up to their husbands? I can't tell you how many friends I have who's husbands are IMO irrational. One friend had a husband who refused to watch the children. It was a woman's job. She would hire a sitter to go out with her friends, or take the kids with her shopping while the husband sat home.
Another friend was never allowed to go out with her friends without her husband.
Think about it: What would happen if you came home stumbling drunk at 2:00 AM? (provided that you didn't drive) An actual best friend would hand you a Gatorade, make sure you don't break anything while stumbling to the bed, and grumble a little. A romantic partner/spouse would yell at you about being "irresponsible", berate you about how "they expected better things from you", and give you silent treatment for days.
I'm a wife of 25 years. Back in our partying days, more than I once threw a blanket over my husband when he was driving the porcelain bus after a night out with the boys. I think I usually laughed at him the next morning as well. I still bug him about some of those nights, and we laugh.
My mom (married in 1959), had funny stories about Dad, too.
(Note - neither of these guys are/were alcoholics, so it didn't happen every weekend or anything)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Bully
I think part of the problem is you guys are marrying the wrong women.
I'm starting to think these 16 pages are all centered around trying to evade the obvious answer here. Getting the occasional handy from a massage therapist is as gay as this guy is willing to get. He used his wife as an excuse, but you saw through it. Either force the awkward conversation and risk losing his business, or accept his transparent excuse for what it is.
This bullspit irratates me and I don't know why anybody would want that dynamic. Besides, sometimes a guy doesn't feel like leaving and that's where that balance comes in. Really those are nearly stereotypes. Nome of this "wife is boss" will fly with me. Some peoples principals are just screwed up. I'll discuss anything that doesn't pertain to what's mine, I'll not do something if valid reasons are stated, otherwise I do what I want, when I want. I'll share the house workload, or I won't do anything. Withhold sex, I'll get it elsewhere. I'm laidback enough to be reasoned with, the only thing for certain about me is the money I make is mine, and my car is mine.
The dynamic in my marriage has shifted over the years (we're coming up on 12 next month). my wife has steadily grown more assertive, even downright dominant of me. This doesn't mean she walks all over me. As far as doing things guys like, I have it made. It's just she is more or less the final say on more things than not. There isn't much I do without her endorsement. And here's the thing: I am fine with that. I work in a high pressure and often zero-defect environment. It is nice to be able to turn off the type-A personality that allows me to be successful in that environment, even if it means being a submissive husband to my overweight SAHM/W.
Since our dynamic has evolved in this direction we argue less and are generally much happier together. We both come and go and pursue our interests. She doesn't ride roughshod over me the way people may imagine when they hear "submissive husband." On the biggest decisions we come to an agreement together. For just about everything else I give my input and if she decides.
I feel no need to "stand up" to her. If she tells me I'm not going on a weekend trip, or to the gun range, or whatever then it's that simple: I don't go. She knows this and does not abuse it. In turn when she restricts me from doing something I trust that her reason is important to her even if I don't initially agree with her decision. What I like doing is genuinely important to her because she often encourages me to do things she knows I want to do but I don't mention or ask because of expense, time, etc.
Also, I don't need to use my wife as an excuse. I'm able to tell people when I'm not interested in something. I don't ever want to convey to an outsider that I am beholden to this woman and resent it.
Naturally things are not perfect in our marriage and we don't always agree. I don't always submit with a smile on my face either. But more and more I'm finding when she states her position on something, if mine is different when I really get to thinking about it I find it's not important enough to discuss and risk allowing it to boil into an argument. The best part about this is when something is important enough for me to dig in my heels we can approach it without it becoming an argument because she knows I am not the type to die on every hill as it were.
I've got a good thing going here. I'm not going to undermine it by arguing over things that aren't all that important to me. My wife will be honest up front: She likes being in control. I'm happy to let her have it and am getting better and better at it. And the rewards for compliance are well worth it!
^^^^^^^What is an overweight SAHM/W? I have to say, it doesn't sound appealing at all. One of the reasons I have had long term relationships with women is because I am attracted to them physically, and intellectually.
^^^^^^^What is an overweight SAHM/W? I have to say, it doesn't sound appealing at all. One of the reasons I have had long term relationships with women is because I am attracted to them physically, and intellectually.
SAHM/W = stay at home mom/wife. I only added the overweight because of this post earlier in the thread:
Quote:
Originally Posted by phantompilot
Prog to English Translator here:
ProgTalk/NewSpeak --to-- English
"Strong Woman" = Raging Thunderc__t
Liberated = Wants it all
Stay-at-home mom = Lazy and overweight, unemployed
That post echos many stereotypes of women who stay home as moms/housewives. While my wife is overweight, she's certainly not lazy. And unemplyed...? She's not looking for work outside the home just yet. We have the money she'll need for college set aside and when a couple career variables on my end solidify she'll be going to school to be a teacher.
As for it not sounding appealing to you, it doesn't have to. It's my life and she is appealing to me, physcially and intellectually.
As a wife I would find it very odd if my husband was going with his masseuse to a museum without me. Sorry, just weird. I wouldn't forbid him because I have full trust in him, but that is just an odd example.
You can reverse this why is so hard for women to stand up to their husbands? I can't tell you how many friends I have who's husbands are IMO irrational. One friend had a husband who refused to watch the children. It was a woman's job. She would hire a sitter to go out with her friends, or take the kids with her shopping while the husband sat home.
Another friend was never allowed to go out with her friends without her husband.
There are always extremes on both ends.
If I remember correctly, the husband has been getting "whatever" from the OP for 10 years without the wife knowing, always showering after to take away the "evidence". So, while you might trust your husband, if this were your husband, he would be keeping secrets from you. This is what makes it hard for others to really grasp the situation, because we wouldn't be in their situation.
If the OP applied to anyone here, sneaking around, showering after to remove "evidence" and then he asked to go on a trip with that person.................
I don't know if anyone has said it, but no reason to beat around the bush, but if I learned this about my husband, I would think he enjoyed this sexual turn on from the massage by a man, finished the "job" in the shower and I would drop kick him to the curb. I suspect there are a "set" of issues in this marriage, and the husband is comfortable with the way things are and doesn't want to jeopardize his comfort.
Odd example for sure.
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