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Sock puppet accounts and pack mentality. It is super easy to create multiple accounts on many social media platforms, even dating back to AIM. The only way to avoid is entirely shutting off which isn't fair. That is like saying the kid can't take the normal way home because it is a bully's territory.
PLENTY of kids took the long way home to avoid bullies or certain areas though, even going back to my parents generation, in the 60s, this was fairly common for kids that were picked on or bullied in some way. Its not really fair, but lots of things are not fair in life. You either go out of your way to avoid, or stand up and deal with it. Im pretty sure which choice I would want my kids to make.
The problem when discussing abstract topics such as bullying is that you will meet people who have formed their own ideas. Usually they will have an agenda to go along.
How do we teach these people quickly and efficiently the abstract bullying? There is really no easy way.
I think the easiest way to deal with uninformed people is to back off especially when they say they are being bullied. I wouldn't waste time explaining that my behavior is not bullying.
I'm not talking about you specifically, but most bullies don't admit to bullying. And even if they are using the term beyond the current common definition, even though it may not be "bullying", per se, it may still be inappropriate social interaction.
Do your saying that if I don’t agree with you or someone else, I’m bullying them? Sorry just trying to clarify here. If so then those people need\should be taught the difference.
I know what you're saying, but the difficulty is where the line is.
Let's take a workplace example where several people are sitting at a conference room table discussing an issue that has come up. One person is playing devil's advocate, and another person at the table says, "You're bullying Jane", and he responds, "No, I'm not attacking Jane, I'm attacking a faulty direction Jane is taking the discussion in".
PLENTY of kids took the long way home to avoid bullies or certain areas though, even going back to my parents generation, in the 60s, this was fairly common for kids that were picked on or bullied in some way. Its not really fair, but lots of things are not fair in life. You either go out of your way to avoid, or stand up and deal with it. Im pretty sure which choice I would want my kids to make.
Here's where I think your thinking is faulty.
We had a bully in my neighborhood when I was growing up. Scott was bigger than the rest of us. Athletic. Strong. Muscular. Tough. And a neanderthal when it came to logic. Any one of us could have stood up to him...and we would have been beaten down every single time. You seem to think that standing up to a bully means that the righteous will win every time. Not at all true.
(Just for the record, on Scott's 18th birthday he went into a bar for the first time -- you could drink at 18 then -- got verbally abusive to someone, and got his jaw smashed to smithereens...had to be all wired and he never looked quite right after that.)
We had a bully in my neighborhood when I was growing up. Scott was bigger than the rest of us. Athletic. Strong. Muscular. Tough. And a neanderthal when it came to logic. Any one of us could have stood up to him...and we would have been beaten down every single time. You seem to think that standing up to a bully means that the righteous will win every time. Not at all true.
(Just for the record, on Scott's 18th birthday he went into a bar for the first time -- you could drink at 18 then -- got verbally abusive to someone, and got his jaw smashed to smithereens...had to be all wired and he never looked quite right after that.)
Do you know if Scott continued to be a bully after that?
I know what you're saying, but the difficulty is where the line is.
Let's take a workplace example where several people are sitting at a conference room table discussing an issue that has come up. One person is playing devil's advocate, and another person at the table says, "You're bullying Jane", and he responds, "No, I'm not attacking Jane, I'm attacking a faulty direction Jane is taking the discussion in".
Then someone needs to learn the difference between attacking someone and having a difference of opinion.
Do your saying that if I don’t agree with you or someone else, I’m bullying them? Sorry just trying to clarify here. If so then those people need\should be taught the difference.
No this is how some education professionals have gone and quite frankly it is stupid logic. I work in education and see it. Even a case of two kids fighting over something was bullying to a parent. IMHO, if you don't want to sit with someone, maybe you just don't like being around them because you have always had issues with them. In schools we try to use the word friends like everyone is one. But I am jaded enough to know it is off. We may not be enemies, but we are not friends. Another case is mayne you don't associate with co-workers and stay out if their business.
I know what you're saying, but the difficulty is where the line is.
Let's take a workplace example where several people are sitting at a conference room table discussing an issue that has come up. One person is playing devil's advocate, and another person at the table says, "You're bullying Jane", and he responds, "No, I'm not attacking Jane, I'm attacking a faulty direction Jane is taking the discussion in".
Exactly, it isn't easy to know what is and isn't when people turn bullying into anything they disagree with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067
Then someone needs to learn the difference between attacking someone and having a difference of opinion.
It is also about the other information not given. Does devils advocate always shoot down Jane's ideas? Does devils advocate use a mean tone? There is a good amount of Grey area where it could be bullying to the "bullied" or outside third parties.
I'm not talking about you specifically, but most bullies don't admit to bullying. And even if they are using the term beyond the current common definition, even though it may not be "bullying", per se, it may still be inappropriate social interaction.
I agree but I want to backtrack a little if that is okay. The concern is that anything that hurts a person's feelings is labeled bullying. But I think we can agree that bullying is when safety has been violated, especially when it is physical. But where do we cross the line with words? I think we have to focus less on the words and instead focus on the conditions of the social interaction.
I can't tell you how many times what started out as a difference of opinions, turned into conditions of win/lose, right/wrong, smarter/dumber, etc. These "win/lose" conditions, in my opinion, are inappropriate social interactions. That is very different from bullying, which is a safety situation.
Where things go downhill is when the win/lose interactions are treated as unsafe, with people responding aggressively or too passively. These are behaviors that bullies have been taught are normal reactions. Bullies thrive in win/lose conditions because they can easily spot the people who are treating the interaction as unsafe. The words don't matter to bullies; the win/lose conditions do.
This is why I think bullies don't recognize when they are bullying. I am totally fine with somebody saying "quit bullying me" because defining it has become so complex as you can see with this post.
Last edited by elyn02; 06-15-2018 at 12:39 PM..
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