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Old 11-12-2018, 04:24 PM
 
4,103 posts, read 1,661,546 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne View Post
"Is ít realistic..."? Maybe a better way of wording the question would be "Is it statistically likely...?" Data would say no, but I still think it's worth trying.

Data is kind of pointless in this one area, for employing data on the argument ignores a key point: The success of a marriage is not a random occurrence, one that is driven by chance. It is instead, the result of the efforts of both parties in the marriage.



Success in a marriage is a combination of a lot of factors, all of which are pretty much within the power of its partners to manage. Communication. Sharing goals. Behaving like a considerate adult. Giving your spouse the attention he or she deserves. It's just not the quantum physics people make it out to be.



Hey, anybody can have one marriage blow up. However, show me someone who has gone through two or three divorces, and I'll show you someone who a) lacks the basic wisdom in choosing a mate and b) lacks the basic people skills to maintain a strong relationship.



My oldest brother is that way. Just kept dating and marrying the same woman over and over again: The big-boobed angry neurotic. I mean, it's like he'd call Central Casting and say, "Hey, send over another." So when he called me last week to complain about his marriage, it was all I could do to say, 'Quit marrying the same woman over and over again.'
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Old 11-18-2018, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Ohio
4,167 posts, read 1,502,146 times
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Interesting topic.

Unfortunately what it comes down to is luck of the draw. First, were you lucky enough to be born with the personality and emotional makeup to be able or willing to bond with a partner and sustain a lifetime commitment? If you were, are you lucky enough to meet someone else that has those characteristics?

Those who have a bonded healthy lifetime marriage are those that have managed to get past those two potential obstacles. You have no control over the first; you have some control over the second.
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Old 11-18-2018, 10:49 AM
 
18,251 posts, read 9,993,445 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GearHeadDave View Post
Interesting topic.

Unfortunately what it comes down to is luck of the draw. First, were you lucky enough to be born with the personality and emotional makeup to be able or willing to bond with a partner and sustain a lifetime commitment? If you were, are you lucky enough to meet someone else that has those characteristics?

Those who have a bonded healthy lifetime marriage are those that have managed to get past those two potential obstacles. You have no control over the first; you have some control over the second.
I don't think those are born characteristics. I think in most people those are nurtured characteristics, and what was nurtured in can be nurtured out, if the deliberate intent is there. I know a couple of high-functioning autistics who have satisfying marriages.

Sometimes I think I might be one.
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Old Today, 03:23 PM
 
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Probably, but sometimes you just stumble into it by mutual dependency. Married 44 years.
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