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Old 10-22-2018, 06:14 PM
 
1,461 posts, read 330,127 times
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Aren't perpetual contracts illegal and thus unenforceable?
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Old 10-22-2018, 08:52 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,640 posts, read 64,111,757 times
Reputation: 68376
Quote:
Originally Posted by tickyul View Post
Rarely, and if the couple stays together for life, most of the times things are not pretty after ten or so years.
I don't understand what this means. After 10 years of marriage, everyone's washed up? Marriage makes you age 40 years in just 10? I don't know what this is supposed to mean.
At 10 years after a wedding that took place at 25, the couple will be 35. Most women look pretty cute, some--hot, even, at 35. Many men have really come into their own at that age, too, filling out if they were scrawny teens and 20-somethings, looking good in a suit. Or did you mean, things aren't pretty after 10 years of trying to get along with someone, dealing with ups and downs?

I'm afraid you'll have to translate your statement into clear English for us, tick.
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Old 10-22-2018, 08:55 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,640 posts, read 64,111,757 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ddm2k View Post
Aren't perpetual contracts illegal and thus unenforceable?
No one enforces the marriage "contract". People are free to break it at will.
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Old 10-23-2018, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
84,961 posts, read 98,776,620 times
Reputation: 31371
Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover View Post
The divorce rate decreasing is deceptive, in that if more people aren't marrying, then, naturally, the divorce rate would decrease?

I've heard it too often: I can't afford to divorce him/her, it would ruin me financially. Just the alimony payments alone!

So if you removed the financial considerations, what would that do to the divorce rate?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Themanwithnoname View Post
Very good point:



I know a lot of guys who are absolutely miserable, browbeaten, etc and merely stay together for financial reasons (first kids, then by the time they are out the house they are stuck financially.)
1. Evidence that the overall marriage rate (e.g. lifetime) is decreasing significantly.

2. The financial aspects of divorce-to make a long story short, my brother divorced with two young children. DH and I have two kids younger than both of his. One time, my cousin (married and divorced a couple of times with no kids) was lecturing DH and me about how my bro was spending 25% of his income on child support. DH said "I'm probably spending 50% of mine on that!" Where does anyone get the idea that you can raise kids for free if the parents are married? Just because it's not a line item in our budget, that doesn't mean we aren't spending money supporting our families.
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Old 10-23-2018, 10:07 AM
 
Location: In the house we finally own!
368 posts, read 176,711 times
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I believe that it's possible, as long as you marry the right person. I married my first husband when I was 23. It was not a good marriage, we were both immature and really had nothing in common once the initial "madly in love" phase ended. However, I don't regret it because of my two wonderful kids and three awesome grandchildren.

I was single and raising my kids for many years, and never had any relationships during that time. I met my current husband when I was 52. We have been together for 10 years, and married for six. We are partners in every sense of the word and compliment each others' strengths and weaknesses. We find joy in just being together. I know that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

It took both of us many years to find the right person, and it has been well worth the wait.
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Old 10-23-2018, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Brawndo-Thirst-Mutilator-Nation
15,145 posts, read 15,198,298 times
Reputation: 10872
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I don't understand what this means. After 10 years of marriage, everyone's washed up? Marriage makes you age 40 years in just 10? I don't know what this is supposed to mean.
At 10 years after a wedding that took place at 25, the couple will be 35. Most women look pretty cute, some--hot, even, at 35. Many men have really come into their own at that age, too, filling out if they were scrawny teens and 20-somethings, looking good in a suit. Or did you mean, things aren't pretty after 10 years of trying to get along with someone, dealing with ups and downs?

I'm afraid you'll have to translate your statement into clear English for us, tick.

OK, I will try................after a certain amount of time, probably 10 years or so, many couples get sick of each other, probably a lot worse feeling towards each other also.
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Old 10-23-2018, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Winterpeg
647 posts, read 228,180 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tickyul View Post
OK, I will try................after a certain amount of time, probably 10 years or so, many couples get sick of each other, probably a lot worse feeling towards each other also.
You used “probably” a lot. I’m curious how you came to this belief.
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Old 10-23-2018, 05:39 PM
 
3,961 posts, read 1,590,532 times
Reputation: 12349
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I don't understand what this means. After 10 years of marriage, everyone's washed up? Marriage makes you age 40 years in just 10? I don't know what this is supposed to mean.
At 10 years after a wedding that took place at 25, the couple will be 35. Most women look pretty cute, some--hot, even, at 35. Many men have really come into their own at that age, too, filling out if they were scrawny teens and 20-somethings, looking good in a suit. Or did you mean, things aren't pretty after 10 years of trying to get along with someone, dealing with ups and downs?

I'm afraid you'll have to translate your statement into clear English for us, tick.

Basically, everybody who ever blew up their marriage is going to come on this thread and blame the institution as opposed to their own actions.



An analogy I thought of is that of a marathon. You know, the long haul. If you just started trying to run a marathon tomorrow morning you wouldn't get very far. But if you actually work at it over time, you can do it more quickly than you think.



The problem is that there are plenty of people who just don't put much into the marriage. Then they blame marriage itself for their woes.
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Old 10-23-2018, 06:07 PM
 
2,233 posts, read 1,268,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Themanwithnoname View Post
I know a lot of guys who are absolutely miserable, browbeaten, etc and merely stay together for financial reasons (first kids, then by the time they are out the house they are stuck financially.)
I am not sure the intention of cutting out most of my post because what you left shows me playing hard ball and only hard ball. Marriage is a balancing act. If it shifts too much to one side where one person is carrying the weight of the relationship and responsibilities, there will be some heavy lifting by one person. Eventually that person will feel miserable, browbeaten, etc.

Sometimes I play hardball, like not cooking, in order to re-balance. Why? Cooking is not my sole responsibility. I work a full-time job, have a separate bank account, split all bills down the middle, and I pay my own credit card bill.

I choose to cook because it is a gift I can give to my family which has many benefits. However, I don't give out gifts forever. I pay attention to see if people appreciate the gift or if they take it for granted or if they think they are entitled to it. Therefore, it is one of the first things to go when I feel things are getting out of balance. It's pretty effective. I don't really make a big announcement like "You guys don't appreciate me so I am going to stop cooking." I just don't do it one night. For the most part, they have been an attentive and supportive family. So things change for a while until they go back to their old ways.

It has happened that one night went to two nights. Then two nights went to a week. Instead of being angry that nobody cared that I didn't cook, I found myself with a lot of free time. You can discover a lot about yourself and your family when you have free time. That is when change really happens.
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Old 10-23-2018, 06:20 PM
 
2,233 posts, read 1,268,382 times
Reputation: 2384
Quote:
Originally Posted by arwenmark View Post
To me marriage is like a cup of coffee with cream you pour in the cream and stir and then it is next to impossible to separate them again.
I have always believed that marriage is forever.
I married at 16 he was 18 and have been married 50 years this past September.
Those who marry these days might make the same vows as always but they don't understand what VOW or Commitment mean, so they are just saying the words.
People say vows and commitments because most people know these are good characteristics to have. So at least people are trying to be good.

What moves a person from trying to commit to actually committing? They should avoid making too many promises. The purpose of most promises is to change who you are, which is not an easy task.
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