U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Great Debates
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 10-20-2018, 01:36 PM
Location: Honolulu, HI
4,550 posts, read 1,138,948 times
Reputation: 6517


As we know, most Americans aren’t really good at this marriage stuff
About 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.
The 5 that are most often cited are:

Breakdown in communication
Sexual dissatisfaction
No balance between relationship and life commitments
An unhappy marriage is rife with fights, uncertainty about the future, unequal workloads, and a basic lack of compatibility.

So taking in the amount of divorce rates every year, is a lifelong contract or commitment within marriage realistic for modern society? Should there be some type of “20 year increments” instead? Interesting enough, celebrity Will Smith and his wife refer to each other “life partners” instead of husband and wife as apparently they no longer use the “married label.”

Is this going to be a new trend for folks who just can’t stick it out?
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett may not have the most conventional marriage by society’s ideals of traditional.

But the couple aren’t really ‘married’ after all, according to Jada, 47, who explains why she and Will, 50, refer to each other as ‘life partners’ rather than husband and wife.

Jada told People of their choice to banish the ‘married’ label: ‘I needed a different form to dissolve all the expectations that I had of a marriage. I needed to do that to see Will outside of husband and see him as a human being.

We have all these expectations. Oh, this is what a husband is. This is what a wife is. I started dissolving all the ideas and expectations and labels.’
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 10-20-2018, 02:07 PM
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,995 posts, read 1,774,084 times
Reputation: 13775
No; it’s not realistic to expect marriage to last a lifetime; given that our marriage “customs” (which are relatively brand new in the context of human history) are so ... unrealistic.

Marriage, up until maybe the last 150 years; was done in a manner that benefited your family & community.

Marriage now; is seen as something that’s all about you: Who you want, based on what you want in a spouse, when you want & how you want.

That IS somewhat unrealistic; in that nobody is the same person at age 50, as they were at age 25. Your values & the traits you value in others change. You will likely look at a spouse chosen for certain attributes (looks, lifestyle, money, etc) years down the road & think “Who ARE you?”

Previously, it would be seen as selfish & even narcissistic to wait until you were “ready” because bonds needed strengthened, lands needed to be merged, heirs needed to be born & communities needed to become viable. The “it’s MY big day” theme of the wedding day would be seen as horribly irresponsible.

Marriage as a “due” meant a person understood at some level; that you didn’t just hurt your spouse, yourself or your children should that marriage dissolve; it meant weakening your community & that would likely not be seen as very honorable, no matter which country or ethnicity you belonged to.

Now; it’s all about you. Make yourself happy by marrying ... make yourself happy by walking away.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-20-2018, 02:46 PM
Location: The Triad (NC)
26,831 posts, read 57,830,396 times
Reputation: 29215
In the era that 'lifetime vows' came into popularity few lived beyond 40.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-20-2018, 02:57 PM
973 posts, read 351,999 times
Reputation: 2271
I've known my wife for well over 50 yrs. We've been married for 53 yrs. So yes marriage can last a lifetime.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-20-2018, 03:39 PM
215 posts, read 72,847 times
Reputation: 799
Things change, including pair-bonding. Long, long ago it was unlikely a male and female bonded for lifetime but with no evidence in pre-history we can only guess. Marriage has been a fairly constant institution in historical (civilized) times.

Child-bearing women always needed a mate to provide for themselves and offspring during those critical years.
There is still a reason for that and does not seem likely to change.
But for childless and older women (kids grown) marriage is much more of a choice rather than a necessity.

Men have long had the choice not to marry because all their needs can be outsourced, if they have the money.
As women have become more equal in finances they also think about what exactly they "get" out of marriage.

I like marriage and being married. No kids, none for him either. 41 years together most of it married.
Someday marriage will be a quaint old-fashioned custom.
Not everyone is lucky enough to find the right person or BE the right person. Some members of my family have tried multiple times.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-20-2018, 04:06 PM
942 posts, read 457,549 times
Reputation: 923
Like most in this section, this is a fruitless debate.
For women, 30 y/o minimum for marriage; 40 for men.

Would rather discuss how to save the planet from too many breeding people...requiring yet more crops etc etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-20-2018, 04:26 PM
Location: Under Moon & Star
1,572 posts, read 557,030 times
Reputation: 8807
Who among is will vow that there is nothing - no act at all - that could compel them to want to end a marriage?

[not very many - and most of them would either be lying or fooling themselves]

And anyone who allows that there are some things that would be beyond the marital pale for them are in no position to judge whatever boundaries another chooses.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-20-2018, 04:30 PM
Location: Fairfield, CT
5,528 posts, read 8,184,647 times
Reputation: 5765
For some people yes, for others no. It depends on the people, and how well they grow together.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-20-2018, 04:37 PM
78 posts, read 13,328 times
Reputation: 140
If someone feels it's realistic for them, then it's realistic for them. I can't say that it would be realistic for me. I'm already in my late 30s, which means even if I marry a few years from now, it won't be for "a lifetime". I've already had plenty of partners in the past. Most people have more than one partner throughout their lifetime.

I'd only marry if the person I loved really had their heart set on it. I don't see the point. Be together as long as you make each other happy, but be open to that happiness ending eventually, too. All good things come to an end.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-20-2018, 05:26 PM
1,820 posts, read 318,385 times
Reputation: 1019
At least with divorces, a mother-in-law isn't as much of an issue anymore until you re-marry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Great Debates
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top