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We have a big debate raging in my family. I'm curious to hear opinions on the subject from people I'm not related to!
The problem:
The children of a 75-year-old woman want to throw her a surprise party next month on her birthday. It is going to be a big bash--more than 100 guests at a restaurant, with flowers, balloons, a band, the works.
They are determined to keep it a surprise. But some of us are worried that making this a surprise party for Betty might be a bad idea.
Why?
1. This woman has had lung cancer for two years and just had open heart surgery, to boot. A surprise might be stressful for her, even if it's a happy surprise.
2. In addition, some of her friends are coming a great distance to see her. If Betty knew about the party, she could spend time with them for the entire weekend, instead of just seeing them on Sunday afternoon at the party.
3. We've all seen enough sitcoms to know surprise parties can backfire in a million different ways.
4. At this point in her life she might enjoy spending the next month anticipating the party much more than she'd enjoy the surprise. And, god forbid, if something horrible happened in the next month she'd at least have the pleasure of knowing something had been planned for her.
The bottom line is: This is their party and they are footing the bill, so the rest of us have decided to keep the secret and let it be a surprise party. I have agreed to be a good sport and shut up about it. But here in the anonymity of CDF, I don't have to shut up about it and I'd love to know what you guys think.
I would take her aside and tell her, but so that everyone still gets their kicks out of surprising her, you save her a heart attack and she can pretend to be surprised.
I don't know. The soap-opera mentality of getting involved in other's lives should really stay fiction. If I were worried, I'd try to convince her "children" (who I suppose are at least 50 years old) of your concerns and then leave it to them. If they thought you betrayed their trust in secrecy, you'd have a lot of people mad at you.
The children of a 75-year-old woman want to throw her a surprise party next month on her birthday. It is going to be a big bash--more than 100 guests at a restaurant, with flowers, balloons, a band, the works.
They are determined to keep it a surprise. But some of us are worried that making this a surprise party for Betty might be a bad idea.
Why?
1. This woman has had lung cancer for two years and just had open heart surgery, to boot. A surprise might be stressful for her, even if it's a happy surprise.
2. In addition, some of her friends are coming a great distance to see her. If Betty knew about the party, she could spend time with them for the entire weekend, instead of just seeing them on Sunday afternoon at the party.
3. We've all seen enough sitcoms to know surprise parties can backfire in a million different ways.
4. At this point in her life she might enjoy spending the next month anticipating the party much more than she'd enjoy the surprise. And, god forbid, if something horrible happened in the next month she'd at least have the pleasure of knowing something had been planned for her.
The bottom line is: This is their party and they are footing the bill, so the rest of us have decided to keep the secret and let it be a surprise party. I have agreed to be a good sport and shut up about it. But here in the anonymity of CDF, I don't have to shut up about it and I'd love to know what you guys think.
I set up a lunch when my dad was dying. I held it from him until the very end, when I went to the hospital that day, I told him I wasn't taking him home but to see some old friends. He was thrilled. It was local people invited though.
In a situation like this, I think it's crappy the kids are trying to control the guests. If you have a problem with it speak to the kids more, tell them you're spending money and want to spend time with her, not just at the party. I myself think it's a waste of time/money for one day.
IIRC, when they did this for my inlaws 50'th they did the same thing; my hubby & I saw them before, I don't remember how we explained why we were in their state
Let them have her surprise. She will be just fine. she has made it this far. She might get so excite with anticipation she may expire.. how would you feel then? This will not be a small expense so it certainly isn't yours to spoil.
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