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Old 06-05-2009, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Boise
2,008 posts, read 2,908,409 times
Reputation: 729

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Quote:
Originally Posted by annika08 View Post
My husband and I do not want children-ever. We've always felt this way but made the firm decision when he came home from Iraq. We are the only married couple inside of our circle of friends without children.

When I told an acquaintance that we weren't having children, she gasped and said "Oh my God, that is so abnormal. Is there something wrong with you?"

Why is it so hard for some people to comprehend that in this day and age, there are people who don't want kids?

What are your opinions?
I think that back in the day when people farmed and lived off the land, having kids was a necessity. But in this modern age of cheap life, kids are another mouth to feed. I'm not saying that as individuals they are insignificant, but with 6 Billion+ (and growing FAST!!!) people - how special can someone really be?

My wife and I can't have kids. As she puts it, she's busted... But for the most part we are happy with this. We have 8 nieces and nephews and that's plenty. Also, we're in our 20's. We have seen and do see how the people our age deal with having kids. A number of people my wife went to school with ended up having kids in their late teens and within 5 years most of them aren't to gether any more. We want to get a little more grown up and mature and have all the party out of us. We want to make sure that all the partying, hopeful, youthful stuff is out of our system before have to "get real" with soul crushing carreirs, diapers, bottles, toy fights and so on.

But another reason that we don't really want kids is that we can't bring a life into a world like this one with a clear conscience. That may sound harsh, but I have very little faith in humanity and what the future holds in store for us all. I'm not going to drop an innocent life in this dump and see what happens.

 
Old 06-05-2009, 01:22 PM
 
1,972 posts, read 3,110,429 times
Reputation: 3217
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyGem View Post
That's your choice as a couple to not want children.

And nobody's business but your own.

Just make sure you realize that your bloodline begins and ends with you, you are the terminating line in your genetic legacy.

When you are past reproductive age, I hope you don't have any regrets.

Period.
I am glad my bloodline ends with me. I don't think my genetic legacy is worth carrying on. Why pass that on to a child? I'm 43 today and have no regrets remaining childless and neither does my husband. We are thankful we have no children for many reasons.

To those who have children so they can take care of them in old age, I think that is selfish. JMO. My mother had a stroke and heart attack 7 years agos and I have been taking care of her every day since then. It has really opened my eyes. Why would I wish that on a child in their future? I'm sure I'll get flamed and called selfish. I do love my mom but sometimes I don't like her That is not something due to our situation now, it is just the way she is. My mom married my dad and moved a 1000 miles away from her family to avoid taking care of her mother, leaving that on my aunt. My mom still pressures me to have child so that I have someone to take care of me in my old age. No thanks. She just doesn't understand. I have never been the maternal type and frankly children get on my nerves As someone else stated earlier in this thread they enjoy their cats and that's enough for them. Me too.
 
Old 06-05-2009, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,236 posts, read 13,520,511 times
Reputation: 25856
I'm surprised that I didn't post my own two cents to this sooner since I have very strong feelings about this.

I don't share the opinion that we are all here to reproduce. I do think we're all here for a reason and that our contributions come in many forms, big and small. I don't think having children is for everyone, just as being a nurse isn't for everyone (and I'd make a terrible nurse!).

I don't see anything wrong with not wanting children. If someone is certain of that, more power to them. There are a LOT of people out there who should have never given birth. Also, the world has over-populated, although a lot of people don't agree with me here. But I stand my ground on this one. (Unfortunately, the problem is much more critical in Third World countries.) I am aware, though, that immigration is the other issue for population spurts in the US. (AND DON'T LET ME GET STARTED ON THAT ONE!)

Personally, I don't like my own visions of the futuristic world, and I'm glad that I'll be dead and gone.

OUIJEEWOMAN, I agree with your comments about 'filial piety' (the term used for taking care of one's parents in their old age). If it works out, and that's what a family unit wants, then that is great. It is also a blessing, because that seldom works out in our own society.

It is also a big risk for any American mother to rely on this goal/hope. There are a lot of elder parents out there who raised several kids, with not a one willing to take care of them. I have a friend who is sharing the care for their mother with his sister, a successful businesswoman. The sister took their mother in to live with her, but her brother watches her during the day and has next to no life. Sister provided a place to live but does not want to spend quality time with her. I don't know how this is exactly 'ideal'.

Anyway, looks like I strayed off-thread. Sorry.
 
Old 06-05-2009, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Yootó
1,307 posts, read 3,191,691 times
Reputation: 790
I think highly of couples that don't have the need to be breeders. We don't need more children on this planet.
 
Old 06-05-2009, 01:48 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,527 posts, read 29,233,815 times
Reputation: 21263
Quote:
Originally Posted by annika08 View Post
My husband and I do not want children-ever. We've always felt this way but made the firm decision when he came home from Iraq. We are the only married couple inside of our circle of friends without children.

When I told an acquaintance that we weren't having children, she gasped and said "Oh my God, that is so abnormal. Is there something wrong with you?"

Why is it so hard for some people to comprehend that in this day and age, there are people who don't want kids?

What are your opinions?
Well, being blissfully childfree myself, I guess I would have to say

RIGHT ON!

Anyway, there is NOTHING WHATSOEVER wrong with you. Not having children is just a valid a choice as having them.

What is really, really irritating is that NOW that I am older I really looked forward to having a conversation with another adult woman that did not center around her CHILDREN, for God's sake. But now, instead, all they can talk about is their Grandchildren! It has become apparent that somehow becoming pregnant short circuits the entire intellectual process. At least that has been MY first-hand experience and observation.

Revel in your childfree-ness. Enjoy your peace and quiet and array of breakable objects. Cavort nude in the middle of the day in your kitchen. Have marital relations on the sofa. Leave cookies out on the table overnight (not a good idea if you have pets, though). Go out to eat any time you feel like it. Sleep until NOON! bwahahahahahaha bwahahahahah

20yrsinBranson
 
Old 06-05-2009, 02:05 PM
 
12,408 posts, read 13,084,552 times
Reputation: 8886
people who choose not to have children should be applauded and praised

and most people who bad-mouth those who choose to remain childless, are really just jealous, bitter, and envious of the freedom and money and quality of life that they wish they had. They dress it up with a lot of condescending remarks, but mostly it's just resentment about their own conditions of life. They bad-mouth and belittle others to feel better about themselves.
 
Old 06-05-2009, 02:06 PM
 
Location: I think my user name clarifies that.
8,293 posts, read 22,457,074 times
Reputation: 3868
This has been a very interesting thread for me - especially the reasoning of the people who do not want to have children. Some of them are things I hadn't really thought about before.

I can't say I'm necessarily in agreement, but I don't have to be.

It has been interesting. Thank you.
 
Old 06-05-2009, 02:09 PM
 
Location: I think my user name clarifies that.
8,293 posts, read 22,457,074 times
Reputation: 3868
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzaphkiel View Post
people who choose not to have children should be applauded and praised

and most people who bad-mouth those who choose to remain childless, are really just jealous, bitter, and envious of the freedom and money and quality of life that they wish they had. They dress it up with a lot of condescending remarks, but mostly it's just resentment about their own life
I don't think so. You're projecting. And honestly, it sounds as though you're the bitter person here.
 
Old 06-05-2009, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Home is where the heart is
15,400 posts, read 25,253,389 times
Reputation: 18984
People who try to persuade others to have children remind me so much of the kids I knew back in the 60's who smoked marijuana. Think about it, how often have new parents said these things: "Just do it, you'll always be glad you did." "It'll change your life." "If you don't go for it now, later in life you'll regret it." "It's a biological need!" "It's the only thing that really gives meaning to your life." "Everybody's doing it. You don't want to be left out." "Once you try it, you'll understand."

Same things my friends used to say when we were rolling joints. I don't know why people always need to get so evangelical.

Personally, I've done both things--smoked dope and had kids. Enjoyed both experiences, but didn't think of either one as "the meaning of life." And with both dope and children I've had friends who simply had no interest, and I think that's just fine, too. Yes, I think having children is a life-changing event--but that doesn't mean it's for everyone.

I think people should listen to their bodies. Some people feel a strong biological urge, but not everyone. If the only "biological urge" you feel is the one telling you it's time for lunch then it's likely you'll have a very happy life without children.

Last edited by normie; 06-05-2009 at 03:18 PM..
 
Old 06-05-2009, 03:17 PM
 
15,616 posts, read 9,158,729 times
Reputation: 67792
Quote:
Originally Posted by normie View Post
People who try to persuade others to have children
Ya know, that's exactly it. Some people want to have kids, others don't. People who don't want to have kids just leave it at that. They don't try to persuade everyone else to go childfree. But, so many people who do want or have kids can not leave it alone - it's like they're compelled to convince everyone to do the very same thing! There's no such thing as live and let live for them. If you want to have kids, fine - you'll get no argument from me - just stop talking to me about it!
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