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Old 06-04-2009, 10:33 AM
 
325 posts, read 1,006,998 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett View Post
I don't think it's abnormal in that you're defective for not wanting them, but evolutionarily speaking, you're only here on Earth to duplicate yourself.

What happens in old age? That's the thing. Who's going to take care of you, and love you enough to make sure you get treated well when your spouse passes on? I don't want to be shut-up somewhere in a nursing home with no visitors.

My husband and I don't have children, and do not want any.....you don't have kids just so you don't end up in a nursing home......lots of "kids" put mom and pop in a nursing home and barely visit because they are too busy with their own lives and don't want the bother....it's no guarantee.

 
Old 06-04-2009, 10:37 AM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,136 posts, read 21,129,613 times
Reputation: 23168
Quote:
Originally Posted by annika08 View Post
My husband and I do not want children-ever. We've always felt this way but made the firm decision when he came home from Iraq. We are the only married couple inside of our circle of friends without children.

When I told an acquaintance that we weren't having children, she gasped and said "Oh my God, that is so abnormal. Is there something wrong with you?"

Why is it so hard for some people to comprehend that in this day and age, there are people who don't want kids?

What are your opinions?
That is your business and your business only. I think I would stay away from that toxic person. She should learn to guard her tongue.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 10:49 AM
 
Location: 125 Years Too Late...
10,340 posts, read 9,982,800 times
Reputation: 9094
I’m the same way. I’ve never wanted kids. I would have made a horrible parent because I have zero patience with children. It’s nobody else’s business if you don’t want kids. In my opinion it’s a horrible idea for a couple to have kids when they don’t want them.

Some people come up with this big production about carrying on the family line. Replenishing the earth. Or they ask what happens when you get old.

Well... how many billions of us are there? I don’t see any shortage of people on this earth. And as for getting old: when I’m too old to function, I don’t belong on this planet anymore (just my personal philosophy; YMMV) nor do I want to be.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 10:51 AM
Status: "Bountiful pine needle harvest" (set 22 days ago)
 
Location: Near Manito
19,275 posts, read 20,155,339 times
Reputation: 13363
When I was young I felt the same way as the OP (I didn't want kids). But when I (well, actually my wife -- but I HELPED!) had a couple of sons, and they grew up to be such truly good people, I was grateful that they came along. Now I can't imagine a world without them. In fact, I think the world -- especially those parts of it (and the people) that they care about and take care of -- would be poorer without them.

I would respectfully ask the OP to consider whether it might not be worth the risk to bring some more good people into the world. I think we can all agree that we never have too many of them.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Texas
42,220 posts, read 49,768,169 times
Reputation: 66976
What happens in old age? That's the thing. Who's going to take care of you, and love you enough to make sure you get treated well when your spouse passes on? I don't want to be shut-up somewhere in a nursing home with no visitors.

As someone who sees nursing home patients all the time, I can tell you that many of them have children who live far away and don't do much to check on them OR have kids in town who don't have much to do with them. Either way, it is somewhat sad. I sure as heck would not plan on having kids just to make sure you get taken care of in old age. What a selfish motive.

I have been close to two couples who don't want any children and who are perfectly fine with their menagerie of pets. They have nephews and nieces whom they love and support. You can be happy and involved and contributing to childrens' lives without having any.

I think tons of people who should never have kids have had them and the results have often been rather disasterous. So when a couple sits down and really thinks it out and comes to a decision not to have children, I have to applaud them for it.

Me...I want rugrats. But once I am selfless enough to make them my whole life.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Boise, ID
8,011 posts, read 22,511,601 times
Reputation: 9213
Mooseketeer wins. That is exactly how I feel. I'm am not a "kids" person. I never wanted them.

As a child/teenager/young adult, when I said I didn't ever want kids, I was always told "You'll grow out of it"..."When you get married, you'll want to have them", or just received a knowing smirk.

I am now 31, I've been married for 9 years. Neither my husband nor myself want kids, absolutely no regrets whatsoever. We are glad to not have the expense or the headache that comes from having children, and we don't feel that we are "missing" anything, since we don't like kids in the first place. I don't believe for a moment that "I just don't know what I'm missing" or "Its different when they are yours" (believe me, I've heard them all). Maybe for some, that is true, but I firmly believe I am not wired to handle kids. I don't even like babysitting. I don't like them at any age, not even the "cute" baby stage.

Anyway, someone mentioned a correlation between education level and making this choice. There was actually a special on tv about it, wish I had written down the name, I would like to watch the whole thing. It was talking about the fact that a high proportion of young couples who are choosing to not have children in the US are more educated (partly because without kids, they have more time for school), and on average, less religious. Therefore, by not passing on their genes and their ideals, the population of the US as a whole over generations is becoming less educated and more religious. That could be a downside, depending on where you stand in the spectrum.



How does the old joke go? Childless by choice is genetic...if your parents chose not to have kids, odds are you will too. Or something like that.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,668 posts, read 71,556,197 times
Reputation: 35864
Directly aswering the OP, I put such couples in the same category with couples who do not want a dog, or a sailboat, or a fireplace.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 11:30 AM
 
Location: The Midst of Insanity
3,225 posts, read 6,124,373 times
Reputation: 3209
Thank you everyone for your insight and maturity on this topic.

Moosekeeter pretty much hit the nail on the head on why we don't want kids. We know deep down that we are maternal people and by not being warm to children, we would not make good parents. I think it is criminal to bring a child into the world that is unwanted and you are unable to take care of and provide for. We are not 'kid haters' by any means; I like kids when I can give them back after a couple of hours! Bottom line is that it isn't a life for everyone and we are honest and accept that.

A lot of people say we're selfish. Yes I suppose we are. We want to live our short lives here for each other with each other and that's good enough for us.

I have noticed that it has tended to alienate and distance us a bit from former friends. We don't really have anything in common with anyone. I went back to school but I haven't really met anyone there- I don't exactly connect with the 18 years old on campus either(hubbby and I are in our 30's). But we're pretty solitary people so a large social network isn't a big deal. We work, I go to class, we spent our free time at home...that's our quiet life and we're pretty much content with that.

Another hinderence is we have no real familial ties. My husband does not speak to his family. I have my mother and father (who do not live near us), but they, uh, have their own problems. Basically, if we had children we would be on our own with no outside support.

No doubt that having and raising children has enriched many lives for many people. I want to say that I applaud those who do have children and raise them in a right manner-I know it's hard work and though I choose not to have children, I respect your decision to do so.

Last edited by annika08; 06-04-2009 at 11:53 AM..
 
Old 06-04-2009, 11:36 AM
 
Location: John & Ken-ville
13,692 posts, read 15,117,815 times
Reputation: 9491
Quote:
Originally Posted by annika08 View Post
My husband and I do not want children-ever. We've always felt this way but made the firm decision when he came home from Iraq. We are the only married couple inside of our circle of friends without children.

When I told an acquaintance that we weren't having children, she gasped and said "Oh my God, that is so abnormal. Is there something wrong with you?"

Why is it so hard for some people to comprehend that in this day and age, there are people who don't want kids?

What are your opinions?
That's your choice as a couple to not want children.

And nobody's business but your own.

Just make sure you realize that your bloodline begins and ends with you, you are the terminating line in your genetic legacy.

When you are past reproductive age, I hope you don't have any regrets.

Period.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 12:19 PM
 
Location: MS
3,949 posts, read 3,855,603 times
Reputation: 1370
Quote:
Originally Posted by TomDot View Post
The only problem with this solution is that you will simply be a statistic for the left to use to further their agenda.
I'd hate for my last action be the tipping point for the gun control groups. I'll start working on a new plan.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
For some bizarre reasons though kids seem to be attracted to me which is really weird.
For me it's not just kids but all small mammals. I've gotten quite a few mean looks from mothers when I refer to their off-sping as a mammal. Didn't these people learn anything in biology class?

Quote:
Originally Posted by annika08 View Post
A lot of people say we're selfish. Yes I suppose we are. We want to live our short lives here for each other with each other and that's good enough for us.
We feel the same way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by annika08 View Post
I have noticed that it has tended to alienate and distance us a bit from former friends. We don't really have anything in common with anyone. I went back to school but I haven't really met anyone there- I don't exactly connect with the 18 years old on campus either(hubbby and I are in our 30's). But we're pretty solitary people so a large social network isn't a big deal. We work, I go to class, we spent our free time at home...that's our quiet life and we're pretty much content with that.
This hasn't happened with us. We have friends here. In the last town we lived in we also had a lot of friends including another childless by choice couple. We did not seek them out, I just happened to work with the husband. We do adjust our activities around our friend's with kids activities just because we are flexible. But like you we spend most of our time doing things together. We are both movie buffs, both like to garden (she's the green thumb and I'm the labor) and we are both getting more active in shooting (target and self defense). I wouldn't take up a time consuming hobby unless would could both do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by annika08 View Post
Another hinderence is we have no real familial ties. My husband does not speak to his family. I have my mother and father (who do not live near us), but they, uh, have their own problems. Basically, if we had children we would be on our own with no outside support.
We are the total opposite here. We would have too much support or as I like to call it - interference. We keep most of our family at a distance because they drive us nuts.

-Robert
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