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Old 06-04-2009, 03:24 PM
 
413 posts, read 1,190,840 times
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I get ticked off when married people with kids say if you aren't married or are and don't have kids than you are being selfish. What the heck? How is that being selfish? Selfish is popping out kids every couple of years and not being able to care for them just so maybe when you are old they will care for you. Go to a nursing home and see how some people's kids are caring for them.

I applaud anyone who decides what is best for them and not give a rat's behind what society thinks. A child should be only brought into this world because it will be truly welcomed and the parents can afford and are cabable to raise them. They shouldn't be born to keep a bad marriage together or as a trend because some celeb is having another baby. If a couple decides against having kids that is their choice and no one has a right to criticize them.

 
Old 06-04-2009, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Nova Scotia
458 posts, read 1,137,782 times
Reputation: 444
Quote:
Originally Posted by annika08 View Post
My husband and I do not want children-ever. We've always felt this way but made the firm decision when he came home from Iraq. We are the only married couple inside of our circle of friends without children.

When I told an acquaintance that we weren't having children, she gasped and said "Oh my God, that is so abnormal. Is there something wrong with you?"

Why is it so hard for some people to comprehend that in this day and age, there are people who don't want kids?

What are your opinions?
I think it is their business and no one should judge them or even ask the question if something is wrong with them. It seems that a lot of people in society think that if there is a couple they should have kids.

I think it depends on the couple and what lifestyle they want to lead. As long as they are responsible and take the necessary precautions as to not have an unwanted pregnancy then more power to them.

As for having someone to care for you when you are old? (As mentioned earlier.) When my girls were born that thought never entered my mind. I would not want to have kids just so I could have someone to watch me when I am older. What a burden to put on someone. I would not even expect my kids to look after me when I am old. I would take steps, when I am of sound mind to set up care for me when I do become to old. Just because I raised my children does not mean I expect them to be my caregiver, they do not "owe" that to me in anyway.

I think if a couple wants to live a child free life, go ahead. I also think people today should mind their own business on how others choose to live their life. People need to start worrying about what is going on under their own roof first.

(Let me clarify that last statement, so I do not get "yelled" at for it) I do not mean the people on this board offering their opinion, since it was asked for. I am meaning people in general, without being asked their opinion, should mind their own business.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 05:34 PM
 
1,788 posts, read 4,152,301 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DanBev View Post
I will put my two cents in,we are in our 70's had four children,we lost the best a Denver policeman at age 30 to brain cancer,one is transgender,another is schitzophrenic (don't remember spelling) and last daughter with 2 divorces now doing fine.This is our golden years!!
Wait, you had a favorite child? I don't understand that. I love my children equally.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 05:35 PM
 
1,788 posts, read 4,152,301 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eresh View Post
I agree with this, though at least those not having kids are doing their part to help counteract overpopulation.
The world is not overpopulated. The population is simply mis-distributed.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 05:38 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,263,909 times
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Well, I certainly think that not having children is a valid choice, and one that should be honored by others.

That being said, we know any number of childless couples and have noticed that they have a couple of characteristics. First, they don't seemed to have fully ripened into true, mature adults, instead embracing some kind of perpetual adolescence. Second, they typically don't have as full an understanding of the cycles of life, nor a complete understanding of the way the world works. For life without children allows most people to cling to a very black-and-white view of everything and everybody, while having children pounds in the concept that life doesn't always go one's way, and life is often about choosing between two less-than-ideal choices. Finally, having children teaches you, once and for all, that it's not all about you all the time. Sure, I know that couples without children believe that on an intellectual level, but I've yet to see one who understood it on an emotional level. And pets just aren't substitute children, either.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Nebraska
4,179 posts, read 9,126,628 times
Reputation: 9523
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiWrites View Post
I get ticked off when married people with kids say if you aren't married or are and don't have kids than you are being selfish. What the heck? How is that being selfish? Selfish is popping out kids every couple of years and not being able to care for them just so maybe when you are old they will care for you. Go to a nursing home and see how some people's kids are caring for them.

I applaud anyone who decides what is best for them and not give a rat's behind what society thinks. A child should be only brought into this world because it will be truly welcomed and the parents can afford and are cabable to raise them. They shouldn't be born to keep a bad marriage together or as a trend because some celeb is having another baby. If a couple decides against having kids that is their choice and no one has a right to criticize them.
Hear, Hear! And ditto! My DD refuses to have kids, as does her eldest brother. They are quite busy and happy. The eldest is in his 30's, happily married, and directs and manages his own performing troupe; they travel all over the country. My DD is a biologist, who refused until lately to have any SO for long - now the one she has is in total agreement with her. I'm thrilled that they may get married; they are so good to and for each other!

Our middle child decided to have kids with his wife. They married at 19, she spat out two babies within two years, then told middle son that she could do better on Welfare and Food stamps without him, and kicked him to the curb. He got his divorce and now pays child support; he can't even afford to go see his kids. Nice way to raise 'em, eh? He asked me and DH if we would help him (i.e., pay for the atty, etc) get the kids from her and raise them for him. I told him point blank - "I raised my kids, you raise yours. I didn't sleep with her, you did." Sorry, but all too often children are nothing more than emotional playthings, Pushme-Pullyous, not even considered as people with feelings by their own parents. I prefer a reasonable and rational decision to not play games with other peoples' lives, especially little peoples' lives.

As for "having children to take care of you in your old age" - that is another crude, game-playing, selfish scenario, IMHO. That's like breeding a second child because the first wasn't a match to Mom and her failing kidneys, and denies the child his/her own right to individuality. I don't expect or want my kids to take care of me - I'll deal with life and death on my own terms, TYVM.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 07:03 PM
 
6,185 posts, read 13,860,571 times
Reputation: 4457
Many parents have a favorite child even if the children are loved equally. "Favorite" and "loved one" are two different issues. The trick is to never do anything that would make the children think that they (individually) aren't the favorite!

(I have no favorites. However, there were times in the teen years where definitely there was a favorite -- the non-teen!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZugZub View Post
Wait, you had a favorite child? I don't understand that. I love my children equally.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 08:25 PM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,708,293 times
Reputation: 2395
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
Having kids is no guarantee that won't happen anyway. I wouldn't take my parents in--after all they'd done to me, nor would my sisters.

EDIT: Even if you're the best of parents, it's still no guarantee. And you shouldn't be a burden to your kids anyhow.
Well, what can be guaranteed is that after your friends, siblings and own parents pass on, most people have no one left to care for them except their children.

I don't see it as a burden AT ALL. They took care of me for 51 years, and now I have a chance to give something back. At least, that's the way it's done/seen in my family.
 
Old 06-04-2009, 08:25 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,149 posts, read 22,147,144 times
Reputation: 35614
Of course it's up to the individual couple to decide if they want kids. I wouldn't deign to judge. I would just ask the same respect back....
 
Old 06-04-2009, 08:28 PM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,708,293 times
Reputation: 2395
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert_J View Post
I won't get to that point. I've already told my wife that I'll have a gun cleaning 'accident'. If I can't do it, she will do it for me. I'll do the same for her. We will not be apart.
That's a good plan, assuming you both live to be 70. But what if, God forbid, you discover you have inoperable cancer next year or die in a car accident? Is your wife supposed to end her life early just because you died prematurely? If not, what's her plan after you're gone?
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