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Old 02-04-2010, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,087 posts, read 2,611,295 times
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Keep up appearances....Never let on that you come from "poor roots" or even a "blue collar" background....Pretend that you always had money....Name drop...Throw in a few French words here and there....Brag about your top breed dog.....

 
Old 02-04-2010, 09:58 AM
 
5,748 posts, read 7,017,052 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
Keep up appearances....Never let on that you come from "poor roots" or even a "blue collar" background....Pretend that you always had money....Name drop...Throw in a few French words here and there....Brag about your top breed dog.....
I'm sure that it hurts to be rejected. Why do you dwell on it? You're giving them an awful lot of power over your happiness.
 
Old 02-04-2010, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,087 posts, read 2,611,295 times
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I like to study sub-cultures and my family provided me with lots of incentives and an early start to my sociological studies.
 
Old 02-04-2010, 10:10 AM
 
5,748 posts, read 7,017,052 times
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The subject is fascinating, but those who study sociological trends typically try to stay detached. This subject seems to be intensely personal for you, which may affect your conclusions. Mostly, you just seem to be venting.
 
Old 02-04-2010, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,087 posts, read 2,611,295 times
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formercalifornian...Thanks for your posts and interest. I am biased...I won't deny this. To be honest I am a writer and even a comic at times. Have to run now but I will write more later. Thanks again for your interest.
 
Old 02-04-2010, 10:41 AM
 
5,748 posts, read 7,017,052 times
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I do understand your frustration, CArizona, and your posts are amusing; however, I worry that you're letting your family make you unhappy. Try to let the anger go, because it just isn't worth it.

Of course, if you're a stand-up and your family's foibles are the source of your material, then perhaps you should carry on.
 
Old 02-04-2010, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
8,765 posts, read 21,706,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishtom29 View Post
Hell, these same kind of people were around in the 1950s when I was kid; read "The Status Seekers" by Vance Packard if you can find it.

The toys have changed but the game hasn't. Audi is the new Buick but it's the same kind of owner.
Thanks for that, Vance Packard wrote several books, all of them look worth reading at first glance: (below from Wikipedia article on Vance Packard):

1946 How to Pick a Mate - a guide co-authored with the head of the Penn State marriage counseling service
1950 Animal IQ - a popular paperback on animal intelligence
1957 The Hidden Persuaders - on the advertising industry - the first of a popular series of books on sociology topics (ISBN 0-671-53149-2)
1959 The Status Seekers - describing American social stratification and behavior
1960 The Waste Makers - criticizes planned obsolescence describing the impact of American productivity, especially on the national character
1962 The Pyramid Climbers - describes the changing impact of American enterprise on managers, the structured lives of corporate executives and the conformity they need to advance in the hierarchy
1964 The Naked Society - on the threats to privacy posed by new technologies such as computerized filing, modern surveillance techniques and methods for influencing human behavior
1968 The Sexual Wilderness - on the sexual revolution of the 1960s and changes in male-female relationships
1972 A Nation of Strangers - about the attrition of communal structure through frequent geographical transfers of corporate executives
1977 The People Shapers - on the use of psychological & biological testing and experimentation to manipulate human behavior
1983 Our Endangered Children - discusses growing up in a changing world, warning that American preoccupation with money, power, status, and sex, ignored the needs of future generations
1989 The Ultra Rich: How Much Is Too Much? - examines the lives of thirty American multimillionaires and their extravagances.
 
Old 02-04-2010, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,087 posts, read 2,611,295 times
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I learned so much from "The Status Seekers." It became my bible...I used to keep it by the side of my bed and re-read it off and on for a number of years.
 
Old 02-04-2010, 06:56 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,087 posts, read 2,611,295 times
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formercalifornian....Thanks for writing. Most of my family is dead now and I am an old lady. I never want to forget what it feels like to be de-valued and tossed aside because this gives me empathy for other people who face similiar situations. A lot of people need a sympathetic ear and shoulder...They need a witness who understands what they went thru...and how much they hurt when they were treated like a nothing and nobody by people who professed to love them. I am ok today and strong and I like to help others mend their "broken wings" too when I can....Some people go thru life with blinders on and they don't stop and examine how their behavior may come across to others........OR they don't stop and examine how their behavior may be affecting others in hurtful or negative ways.

Last edited by CArizona; 02-04-2010 at 07:20 PM..
 
Old 02-04-2010, 09:16 PM
 
2,038 posts, read 2,353,396 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I never want to forget what it feels like to be de-valued and tossed aside because this gives me empathy for other people who face similiar situations. A lot of people need a sympathetic ear and shoulder...They need a witness who understands what they went thru...and how much they hurt when they were treated like a nothing and nobody by people who professed to love them.
It's so rare to meet people, especially at my age (early 30's), that have your level of conscientiousness.

I hope you weren't treated poorly by your own children or people in your life cast you aside due to status issues. People who openly criticise others, for whatever reason, can be equally hurtful. No one wants to be marginalized and called shallow just because they appreciate a fine glass of Bordeaux (I could have said wine) or saved up to buy a three year old BMW. So I am shallow because I like german engineering and wine? Am I putting on an air? What if the BMW is paid for?

Some of the examples you point out I really want to comment on, but I have such a duality on my thoughts. On one hand, I understand your point and on the other, I think they're absurd. What I really want to say is live your life without regret and to hell what other people think, within reason. Unless someone is being directly hurtful or mean, I mean really, why put so much stock and faith in that? Who the hell cares if someone brags about whatever? Why is there such an expectation by society to toil through life and not squeeze every drop of happiness out of it?

One of my favorite movies that has a lot to say about the topic of expectations and breaking from the intense pressure of societal norms and conformity is The Dead Poet's Society. A great quote from that movie is "Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone." I think that is to say there is pleasure in non conformity, but there is also a need to "go with the flow."

I don't know what is worse for a child, being told they will never amount to anything or telling them that the world is their oyster and that they can do no wrong. The kids that are bullied in school don't have a chance to develop their social skills while those who are popular spend their formative years honing and perfecting theirs. The pressure to be "in" and "wanted" is intense. My mom threatened to take me to sears and buy me toughskins (I dont know if anyone here remembers those!) when I was used to wearing Guess. Was that really fair? What kind of message did that send me? I don't know if I put as much stock and faith into what I wore as my mom did, but I knew where I fit in the pecking order when it came to school.

I had a single parent raise me to be thoughtful and conscientious, wise to the world, appreciative of the finer things, giving to those less fortunate and proved that through extremely hard work, there is reward. I knew the value of a dollar earned. I worked for the things I had. I wasn't spoiled but I didn't want for much, either.

I think a lot of people are made to feel guilty for their success and they become convenient targets. Class warfare is a fascinating subject with so many nuances and stereotypes. I think our prejudice falls when we have a chance to spend time with others and get a sense of their real humanity. I know creeps from all walks of life.

I don't think being shallow or hollow or overly concerned with status is a construct only displayed by the rich (or the ones who pretend to be rich, either)

I also know what it's like to have my care and affection challenged by someone who felt I wasn't being sincere, even though I was. Having your genuine love questioned by the person on the recieving end is undoubtedly one of the most painful feelings I can think of. Sometimes, people make up their minds about who you are no matter if that view is accurate. Maybe this is to prevent themselves from being hurt or to reinforce a sense of control over a person because when you trip them up, you have them over a barrel. Believe me, I am no stranger to that feeling.
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