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I have also wondered why more black women don't date more white men. It seems most of the mixed couples I know it's a black male with a white woman.
But after all does it really matter ?
Yea honestly, I have only known one couple like this, it is kind of weird, but yea it doesn't matter, but I've thought that before too, seems to be more uneven. They need to make more movies like this to get people use to the idea that it's ok, you can date who ever you're attracted too, Hailey Barry did some scenes I think that helped people get use to black women with white men I feel like, but I don't have any black girlfriends to ask them about it, how they feel about dating white men
Most women in this country who are not black, don’t truly respect black men?
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenLightan
I am a black male, and most people have said and rated me very attractive and very intelligent. I graduated from one of the top private universities in the country and I hold a very good job for a person my age. I also have traveled around the world and have noticed a huge disparity on how women from other countries treat me compared to how most women in America treat me.
It just seems as if most women born in this country who are white, Asian, Latina etc; are so hesitant to actually start a relationship with me. There is no doubt they show there is obvious interest in me with them sending me text messages and giving me there numbers, flirting with me in the office, inviting me to some special events. However when it comes to you know starting a real relationship and even showing you want to commit, they run around circles and play games. Almost as if they are scared to have them meet there parents. I once asked this beautiful white female out who I knew was interested in me from the start and it took almost four months of leading her and basically just asking her out until she finally agreed to go on a date. Our relationship only lasted two months and it seems all of my relationships with women raised in this country last only from one night to two months.
It is completely different with the woman I encountered from other countries. I met this one Japanese girl who was cute and goofy, and our strange relationship lasted long. She was willing to use her money out of her own expense to take me to Japan to meet her family and get married. She was serious about it too, saw the ticket and everything. I also once dated this girl from Spain, and she was very open-minded from the start...I even met her family.
I also had this long relationship with a white woman from Germany. We dated and went to Germany together for a couple months. I can tell you my experience as a black man in Germany on a daily basis was much more positive than my experience as a black man in America. I felt the people there automatically gave me respect. No long stares, great conversations, and hardly any of it had to do with me being black. Ironically, it is like that when I go to any other European country, I just feel that I am more respected and accepted. Who would have thought I would feel comfortable in a sea of white faces, however this issue belongs in another board I guess.
I also conducted a fun experiment where I joined a dating web site for fun. I set up a quick profile with some of my pics. I decided to chat with 10 women who were from the states, and 10 women who were located internationally. My main goal was to be direct about what I wanted and ask them for their personal information. The 10 women I chatted with who were not from the states, were not uptight at all. They were willing to give out personal info about themselves, and eight out of the 10 of them even gave me there number. The only time the fact I was black came up and this was when one of them said it was there wish to have sex with a black man.
The 10 women I chatted from who were from different parts of the USA, asked follow up questions, seemed very uptight and thought I was being rude, brought up race and giving excuses that they have not been in a biracial relationship before. They tried to give me other options like maybe an email or aim at first and all that other nonsense.
Why has the World or at least the Eastern Hemisphere put race aside however America has not? Maybe that is the real question. Why am I not truly accepted by the mainstream in when basically I did everything right here in America, but the world accepts me? An answer to the question I posed is the American media that continues to belittle and defame black people, and portray our culture as inferior. There are other variables, and I could use other examples based on current evens to validate my point. It is so ironic indeed.
I don't understand what you are griping about. From your post, you've really dated a lot of women. Since you prefer to date only beautiful women, it seems to me that no matter what your skin colour is, if you aim for the prettiest ones, the odds of being turned down by them are greater.
And you seem overly race conscious yourself, maybe even more so than the women you are trying to date. Skin colour isn't the only reason for turning down a man's advances. As it is, from your user name, you apparently are a light skinned black man. So maybe it's your personality and intent that's a turn off to some of these women that don't want to date you. And thinking that all beautiful women should be willing to date you is being rather conceited. Perhaps these women can discern that. No woman wants to date a man that thinks he's god's gift to women.
And why didn't you marry the Japanese woman is she was willing to marry you?
I feel that your beef is really that you think that your skin colour is holding you back from being a player. All you want to do is date as many different women as possible. Meanwhile, I think that most women, especially the beautiful ones, aren't interested in dating a man with your player intentions, and would much rather date a man that is in romantic love with them and possible husband material. You really seem to me to be more interested in interracial sexual conquests. And you also seem to willing to pull out the race card as an excuse for your dating failures.
Maybe some of the foreign women you dated were interested in the "exoticness" of an American black man, so they might not have been as enlightened as you think.
Maybe you are not as attractive as you think. Who are these people who have been telling you that you are attractive? If they are family members like Mom or Sis they might not be the most objective sources for opinions.
You claim to be ivy league educated; why so many grammatical and usage errors in your post?
Why do you think someone is being uptight when they don't want to give personal info right away on an internet dating site? That is called being SMART & SAFE.
You claim that some woman decide to date you but it does not last long. Obviously they are OK being with a black man so it probably is another reason that they are deciding to cut it short. Could it be that you are obssesed with yourself and it manifests in your behavior? Could you have a personal hygene problem: body odor, bad teeth, dandruff? I am not trying to be crass, I am just trying to show how the possibility exists thst this might be an issue other than race in your case.
And why is this in the GREAT DEBATES section? Sounds like this is better suited as a blog.
yea that's true, sometimes things we think are 'issues' for other people are nothing more than mental manifestations of our insecurities and that can make us paranoid into thinking 'oh my gosh they did that because.. (etc)'.
Why has the World or at least the Eastern Hemisphere put race aside however America has not? Maybe that is the real question. Why am I not truly accepted by the mainstream in when basically I did everything right here in America, but the world accepts me? An answer to the question I posed is the American media that continues to belittle and defame black people, and portray our culture as inferior. There are other variables, and I could use other examples based on current evens to validate my point. It is so ironic indeed.
I've wondered about the same thing myself. Compared to many other parts of the world, America, as vibrant and powerful as it is, is still rather young and immature. Race-based thinking I would argue is a uniquely American phenomenon born from this immaturity, and underscores the growing pains that we as a country are still dealing with regarding race relations.
I believe those women who flirt with you may indeed be genuinely attracted to you, but likewise find themselves answerable to "American" cultural mores and social conventions, which by and large emphasize the perpetuation of racial homogeneity amidst diversity, i.e., social segregation. These women are brought up believing that it is somehow their moral social duty, as women, to "prolong" and "empower" their race by choosing a same-race partner.
So though they happen to find themselves, as women, taken with a gentleman such as yourself - smart, educated, good-looking, but who happens to fall outside of the racial paradigm, their obligation not to "stray" (which is primarily imparted upon them by the males in their immediate family circle) tends to give them pause, as they look for every reason they shouldn't be attracted to you.
Moreover, truth be told, black men like us have gotten a raw deal here in America. Our attempts at complete integration into "mainstream" society have come at an enormous psychological and social cost for us. We're at once too menacing, threatening and imposing to non-blacks and not "down" or loyal enough to other blacks. We are good enough to hold a basketball or a microphone for the masses but not good enough to take your daughter out. There is a unique combination of fear, lust, curiosity and hatred that I believe plays into the overall perception of black men in America.
Our attempts at complete integration into "mainstream" society have come at an enormous psychological and social cost for us.
Exactly, the euphemism that we call "integration" is the chief reason why the black culture that was created from 1865 to 1965 was destroyed. No other culture "integrates" into other cultures willingly because in the process of doing so they know they will dilute or lose there own culture.
It is for this reason MLK, Obama, and other black leaders who preach about integration get the thumbs down.
You make a comment:
However when it comes to you know starting a real relationship and even showing you want to commit, they run around circles and play games."
That is a statement of a classic american woman. They play games, they want men to mindread, they expect men to figure it all out themselves and to play games back. I never understood that and thankfully I just told my husband when we first met that I was attracted to him and if we could go out. Lucky for me he said yes. It was pretty simple. He told me that the whole reason he fell for me is because I was the first woman who didn't play a game--that I always told it as I see it.
Just letting you know that it likely isn't racial at all-its what women do. Don't take this personally or as a racial thing.... I know a heck of a lot of white men who complain about this very thing and its true. It's sort of that "hard to get" game of modern times and that said--I think many men still find this attractive as if the woman is 'mysterious' or something. I don't have time for that crap, and I think those games are just that-crap.
Location: where the moss is taking over the villages
2,184 posts, read 5,551,065 times
Reputation: 1270
it's simple
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenLightan
I am a black male, and most people have said and rated me very attractive and very intelligent.
you are simply describing women. that's the way they are. now if you had enough black women to meet your criteria, in the same number as the other women, you - i suspect - would find they are of the same ilk.
women are picky. if you're going to date or pursue women of a high echelon, they will be, i think, even bitchier than their lower brow counterparts. you, like any other well brought up, educated male, face an adversarial challenge in finding Miss Right. rejection is disappointing.
if/when you find a person who meets your outer criteria, you, like all of us, have the challenge of finding a deeper connection. it's the challenge we all face in our pursuit of "love"...
maybe if you spend some time (don't know if you do already but this is j-u-s-t an idea) volunteering somewhere, you could find some heart warming people who will eventually lead into finding within the circle - Miss Right. SHE is LOOKING for YOU too
and maybe it would be less disappointing & somehow more seductive if you waited longer to consummate your passions with your alluring & sought after women! (i'm not accusing you, of course I"M GUESSING) letting a lady know you can wait to be sure how much love is really there mutually may be gratifying. it can be rewarding. the heart will show through.
if you're just looking for a trophy wife to complement your own image...sigh... it could be a tortured existence.
warm wishes,
Kate
ps I hear you on the "respect" thing in America: this is a backward place in so many ways... Europe is an OLDER country... wiser & more relaxed, perhaps.
Last edited by sarahkate_m; 09-17-2009 at 01:04 PM..
Reason: condensing
Location: where the moss is taking over the villages
2,184 posts, read 5,551,065 times
Reputation: 1270
Quote:
Originally Posted by NEWARK MAGIC
...You claim to be ivy league educated; why so many grammatical and usage errors in your post? ...
And why is this in the GREAT DEBATES section? Sounds like this is better suited as a blog.
not sure why i want to defend OP but i enjoy his style of expressing himself. reminds me of myself, although i'm not degreed.
first of all, he lacks in punctuation perfection. minor.
his grammar isn't that bad. pretty good.
he uses paragraphs: kudos!!!
excellent vocab: muchos kudos, makes a pleasurable read
his original post could be better suited to the relationships forum. alot of threads are kinda in a less than ideal place. not a big deal.
i didn't go looking for this post in particular. it showed up in my subscribed forums thingy. so i guess i subscribed to that. i clicked cuz i'm curious what people are talking about.
this is a way better read (CD) than the enquirer. it jogs my mind & feelings. it spurs me to look things up to verify, corroborate or think. i love it here.
OP: good thread. interesting rant. however, you are normal & typical for your age/situation.
you're just lonely and frustrated. try some of the advice you've elicited! when you meet ms right it won't be a drag. it'll feel just right.
I've wondered about the same thing myself. Compared to many other parts of the world, America, as vibrant and powerful as it is, is still rather young and immature. Race-based thinking I would argue is a uniquely American phenomenon born from this immaturity, and underscores the growing pains that we as a country are still dealing with regarding race relations.
I believe those women who flirt with you may indeed be genuinely attracted to you, but likewise find themselves answerable to "American" cultural mores and social conventions, which by and large emphasize the perpetuation of racial homogeneity amidst diversity, i.e., social segregation. These women are brought up believing that it is somehow their moral social duty, as women, to "prolong" and "empower" their race by choosing a same-race partner.
So though they happen to find themselves, as women, taken with a gentleman such as yourself - smart, educated, good-looking, but who happens to fall outside of the racial paradigm, their obligation not to "stray" (which is primarily imparted upon them by the males in their immediate family circle) tends to give them pause, as they look for every reason they shouldn't be attracted to you.
Moreover, truth be told, black men like us have gotten a raw deal here in America. Our attempts at complete integration into "mainstream" society have come at an enormous psychological and social cost for us. We're at once too menacing, threatening and imposing to non-blacks and not "down" or loyal enough to other blacks. We are good enough to hold a basketball or a microphone for the masses but not good enough to take your daughter out. There is a unique combination of fear, lust, curiosity and hatred that I believe plays into the overall perception of black men in America.
The dirty, brutal truth is that Black Men are crafted in the image of being aggressive and macho. The thinking from alot of non-Black women is that they'll date a black man who's "urban", but figure against dating regular-joe black men becuase they think to themselves "Well, if he doesn't have G appeal, I midas well stick to what I know and keep it in the race".
This creates a deeply sad scenario where BM who do pull non-Black tail do so under all the wrong pretenses, whereas happy, stable, eligable BM are passed over.
And don't get too high on Euro women, IMHO. Sure, they love Black men, but they give off way too much of a Jungle Fever vibe. Is that really all that "enlightened"?
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Most women in this country who are not black, don’t truly respect black men?
it's simple
(i'm not accusing you, of course I"M GUESSING) letting a lady know you can wait to be sure how much love is really there mutually may be gratifying. it can be rewarding. the heart will show through.
