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Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar
If they listen to you out of fear of the physical consequences, they're going to be timid growing up. Permissiveness doesn't cause timidity. Unanswered violence does.
There is nothing about understanding the chain of command and the fact that "dad doesn't negotiate" that is unhealthy, evidence of fear or a cause of timidity as far as I can tell.
If anything, the most dominant people that I know were all well disciplined by their fathers. You learn a thing or two about "how not to back down" from a dad like that.
Just in general, of the ladies I dated that had kids at home, it seemed to me the girls were not much bothered by the lack of a father figure - they may have missed him but were generally pretty normal, but the boys generally tended to be either sissies or over-the-top wild men.
I think a kid needs a role model of their own sex, to grow up "right". For a boy, probably the best would be a biological father that lives at home, and provides a good role model, not just in diciplining the boy, but most importantly in how he interacts with Mom, if he drinks, he drinks in moderation, fixes things around the house, mows the grass, maybe even takes the kids to the gym.
My Dad provided a good role model for me - I didn't grow up "just like him" - we are different in a lot of ways - but he did provide the overall role model for "what a man is" for me.
Not certain but I think a lot of bad behavior in the "hood" is driven by no proper male role models.
Note that a biological father living at home is not the only male role model in most boy's life, some guys manage to father a kid but the kid is frankly better off without them, players, etc. Alternative role models can and do get the job done, but dad at home is probably the most practical and reliable way for a son to turn out right. Just IMHO.
Let's face it, women don't have the life experiences needed to teach a young male how to be "masculine", how to be a man. Only a male father-figure can do that...
Let's face it, women don't have the life experiences needed to teach a young male how to be "masculine", how to be a man. Only a male father-figure can do that...
Why do you think young males have to be masculine? So they can wrestle woolly mammoths to the ground? So they will feel OK about napalming children and watching them burn alive? Why do you think that is so important?
Yes.... Children need mother's care more than father's care. Usually when mothers are working outside rather staying at home, children are likely to get spoiled morally and ethically. By law of nature, father should work outside and earn bread by sweat and mother should work at home in educating and feeding children.
Why do you think young males have to be masculine? So they can wrestle woolly mammoths to the ground? So they will feel OK about napalming children and watching them burn alive? Why do you think that is so important?
Yes.... Children need mother's care more than father's care. Usually when mothers are working outside rather staying at home, children are likely to get spoiled morally and ethically. By law of nature, father should work outside and earn bread by sweat and mother should work at home in educating and feeding children.
Not that I dont think it is best for children to grow up with two parents, but tell my two burly, beer drinking, gun toting sons they are effeminate because they grew up without a father and see how fast you are knocked on your arse.
I was raised by a single mother and she did a great job raising me. I have turned out to be a respectable, professional person; however, as I got older, I began missing my father. There was a void there no one fill but him. He was 'around' but not in the household. We have a great relationship now and I remember him telling me something that struck me. One day I fessed up to him some very painful and embarrassing segments of my life when I was very young and even up to college. He said with a sigh, 'I am so sorry I wasn't around more. If I were, I really believe the things you've been through could've been avoided if I were there to guide you.'
I strongly believe that it is crucial and critical to have the patriarch in the home. Whenever I discuss this with some women, they totally dismiss the father's importance in the home. It's almost like you have to prove why they are necessary. I've never had anyone downplay the importance of a mother in the home, so why fathers?
Either because they have been in a single parent or similar situation (ie both parents not there in a "family unit" ie in the classic sense) which causes them to pretend otherwise to somehow rationalize that their situation wasn't so bad - ie to bury their head in the sand, to so speak - or because they're just plain blind and/or stupid, frankly.
Nice to see someone else gets it, esp someone who had to deal with it (and I'm sorry you did), but - and as you've probably found out already - you might as well be spitting into the wind.
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