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Old 01-25-2010, 05:58 PM
 
519 posts, read 891,216 times
Reputation: 703

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Ok, I think I am the owner of an unpopular opinion...

I mentioned it on another forum in a thread about Brad and Angelina.

I think they should have gotten married before having bio kids.

And I upset some people... I am sorry about that.

But it made me curious - am I really one of the last people in 2010 in the Western world who strongly believes in marriage before kids???
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,294 posts, read 20,539,012 times
Reputation: 20158
Yup, I think that notion has passed. It is great, I hope my kids decide to wait to have kids until they are married, and I will teach them the values. That said, it is not expected anymore in today's society.
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:06 PM
 
5,767 posts, read 10,024,297 times
Reputation: 3809
When you talk about the ultra-wealthy, they will sometimes refrain from getting legally married due to certain tax and accounting issues, or due to the possible financial consequences of a breakup. So, it doesn't necessarily translate to the situations "real" people would face with marriage.
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:07 PM
 
519 posts, read 891,216 times
Reputation: 703
It boggles my mind.

My brother has a son - nearly 5 years old and is still with the boys mother - but he refuses to marry her.

WTF? Having a baby is a much bigger deal than marriage. Much bigger.

I just don't get it - he says he isn't ready for that commitment.

You lost me at "Not ready" How can it be?

Sigh.
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:09 PM
 
519 posts, read 891,216 times
Reputation: 703
Quote:
Originally Posted by tablemtn View Post
When you talk about the ultra-wealthy, they will sometimes refrain from getting legally married due to certain tax and accounting issues, or due to the possible financial consequences of a breakup. So, it doesn't necessarily translate to the situations "real" people would face with marriage.
But de-facto's especially with children are treated financially the same as married couples here in Australia during a break up.

The financial and contact tangles from having children are the same for non marrieds as for marrieds...
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:09 PM
 
Location: Prescott Valley,az summer/east valley Az winter
2,034 posts, read 3,529,257 times
Reputation: 7855
yep~ marriage is a religion thing~ has nothing to do with having children!

But should have a civil union first.

Civil unions are the correct joining since the evangelical cultists have ruined the definition of marriage!
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Old 01-25-2010, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Sango, TN
24,889 posts, read 20,304,497 times
Reputation: 8606
I'm the child of a "forced" marriage, so to speak. My mother and father were just fooling around, and she ended up pregnant.

Now, its easy to say, "You shouldn't be having sex until your married." However, lets live in a world of reality here. Most people have sex before marriage. It may be with someone you truly care about, but marriage is the furthest thing from your mind.

If you are going to deny reality, then things like children out of wedlock are a shock.

My mother and father hated each other after I was born. My dad turned abusive, because he didn't know how to be a man at 18. My mother was expected to get her hair done every week, wear dresses, and cook and clean everyday, instead of being a 16 year old kid.

They had to divorce, or they would have killed each other.

Now, I look back at my life and I wonder, wouldn't things have been better if they had never been married? I think the fighting wouldn't have been so vicious, they wouldn't hate each other like they do, and my son would have a loving set of Grandparents who could be willing to be in the same room with one another.

I had my son out of wedlock. He is one of the brightest children in his class, everyone who meets him thinks he is a great kid. His mother and I co parent, but we aren't married.

So, in a real world, where unplanned pregnancies happen, whats best? Parents who make a decision to be parents, before a couple, or, parents who try and force their own coupling to try and be better parents?
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Old 01-25-2010, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Bike to Surf!
3,080 posts, read 9,686,045 times
Reputation: 2977
I think that it's best for me to be married before having kids. I don't feel the need to force that particular life choice on others. If I think somebody is weird, doing things backwards, or is just plain wrong, I keep it to myself.

This is a general statement and not directed at any one person or group, but: I think more people need to mind their own effing business.
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Old 01-25-2010, 08:57 PM
 
Location: middle of everywhere
1,828 posts, read 3,661,746 times
Reputation: 1821
Quote:
Originally Posted by sponger42 View Post
I think that it's best for me to be married before having kids. I don't feel the need to force that particular life choice on others. If I think somebody is weird, doing things backwards, or is just plain wrong, I keep it to myself.

This is a general statement and not directed at any one person or group, but: I think more people need to mind their own effing business.
Ding ding ding!

If marriage actually kept people together, I could understand why some want to subject everyone to it. Thing is, it doesn't.

I believe some people want to look at another person's relationship and decide whether to approve or disapprove. Stable relationship with a child and no ring, that's bad. Married relationship, that is good. Tell you what, life isn't so simple nor will people do what you want them to do because it is good and decent in your eyes.
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Old 01-25-2010, 10:49 PM
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
7,091 posts, read 10,486,058 times
Reputation: 4104
What people do in their family that does not hurt anyone else in any way is their own business.
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