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Old 06-02-2010, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,700 posts, read 34,246,140 times
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Quote:
It bothers me when I hear people explain that, "you have to work hard for a marriage to work."
A good friend of mine who's in a great marriage says that marriage *is* work, but not like hard labor. It's more like driving--you keep your eyes on the road, your gauges, the other cars, and you're constantly making little adjustments to make the ride as smooth as possible. I like that analogy.
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Old 06-02-2010, 10:07 AM
 
2,015 posts, read 3,374,838 times
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A good marriage means both people know how to compromise and aren't always concerned about what is FAIR! In a marriage sometimes things are 50/50, sometimes 90/10, sometimes 70/30, sometimes 100/0. It shouldn't matter if things are not 50/50 all the time. People fight and argue about the stupidest things. Grow up.
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Old 06-02-2010, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
7,092 posts, read 12,616,439 times
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What is the point of being married when you are only going to divorce in the long run?

The title of this thread, as posted above, brings to mind a similar question:

"What's the point of living when you are only going to *die* in the long run?"

IMHO, the answer to both questions is to enjoy the ride as long as you can! When it becomes painful, then it's time to exit the ride...
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Old 06-02-2010, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Here
2,301 posts, read 2,027,979 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bennie Flowers View Post
As most people know, Al Gore and his wife of 40 years have declared that they are going through a divorce. Are marriages just not "natural" for this society anymore? Were they ever natural? Most people within the United States marry another person out of so called love, but what is love? Is lust confused with love? Is loving your partner out of convenience or out of genuine emotion? There are SO many questions that seem to come out of love and maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high, out of unsureness of their meaning of love. Maybe the people who "fall out of love" were never in love to begin with...


What do you think? What are your theories of "love" and divorce?
First, marriage is not "natural" for humans. We are not a monogamous being. This is a truly regrettable fact. I wish we could "lust" for the same person our entire lives. I wouldn't be wasting my time now typing this if that were the case. I'd have a girlfriend of 20 years ago here and we'd be in each other's passionate clutches. But, alas, things just don't work that way. Mother Nature wants us to spread our seeds.

This is not to say that people can't have a loving, long-term relationship, a relationship that lasts for decades. We basically have to overpower our polygamous needs for the sake of a relationship.

As for a relationship lasting decades and then ending in divorce... It's misguided thinking to believe those years as wasted years. It was, more than likely, time enjoyed.

As a kid I used to go to an amusement park once every few years. I had a lot of fun, and it was always tough when the day was over and I had to go home. But it would have been a mistake to think that the day at the park was not fun just because it eventually ended.

Last edited by GalileoSmith; 06-02-2010 at 11:53 AM..
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:03 PM
 
3,650 posts, read 9,198,662 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
A good friend of mine who's in a great marriage says that marriage *is* work, but not like hard labor. It's more like driving--you keep your eyes on the road, your gauges, the other cars, and you're constantly making little adjustments to make the ride as smooth as possible. I like that analogy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankinscotland View Post
A good marriage means both people know how to compromise and aren't always concerned about what is FAIR! In a marriage sometimes things are 50/50, sometimes 90/10, sometimes 70/30, sometimes 100/0. It shouldn't matter if things are not 50/50 all the time. People fight and argue about the stupidest things. Grow up.
Both great posts


Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleDolphin View Post
enjoy the ride as long as you can! When it becomes painful, then it's time to exit the ride...
Disagree. Only when it becomes painful in the extreme and every other option has been exhausted should one "exit the fide." ie that should be the last resort...but many seem to think otherwise.



Quote:
Originally Posted by GalileoSmith View Post
First, marriage is not "natural" for humans. We are not a monogamous being. This is a truly regrettable fact. I wish we could "lust" for the same person our entire lives.
No, it's not a fact at all, and again people are confusing lust with love/marriage.
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Right Here
295 posts, read 666,640 times
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I don't think marriage is natural. Just like dieting isn't natural or parallel parking. If it were natural, there wouldn't be so much failure at it. In general, people eat, sleep, have sex, etc. naturally. They don't have to work hard to desire to accomplish those goals.
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
1,921 posts, read 4,766,200 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Omaha Rocks View Post
Of course that's true. There are other couples that grow to love each other more and more as the years progress.
This is very true in arranged marriages. It's so much easier to grow to love one another when you start off not knowing each other!
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Where ocean meets up with the naked land.
324 posts, read 571,363 times
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I've read all of the posts but still I wonder, What is the point of marriages? Honestly. Like I've stated before, it seems as if many get confused with infatuation and then marry someone and even when they do stick with their partner for the long run, it's more so out of convenience. I mean, who would want to be intentionally single again at 60 years old?
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
7,092 posts, read 12,616,439 times
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I mean, who would want to be intentionally single again at 60 years old?

Any oppressed, abused spouse...
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Old 06-02-2010, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
7,092 posts, read 12,616,439 times
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In the olden days and continuing to today, it seems that legal marriage was more about property and ascertaining parentage and support for the dependent children than about love...love doesn't need licensing, love is not bureaucratically or spiritually ordained...

Some of the royal marriages between countries were all about power, trade, and mergers of the mighty...

Some birds mate for life, while others find different mates every year...
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