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Old 10-14-2006, 07:56 AM
 
257 posts, read 995,890 times
Reputation: 156

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Hi, I live outside the Greensboro/W-S area and I am a transplant from the midwest. I have been here awhile and still feel alone. I have tried churches/clubs and such and still have such a hard time connecting. Am I living in the wrong area of NC or should I move out of state? I am 50, and a single female, is that the problem? I think family seems to settle a person, kids in school, etc. I don't have that! Anyone else feel like this? or is it just me?
I would like to stay, but a times I feel recreationally/socially starved. I may feel like that anywhere, so moving isn't always the answer, it is probably within myself somewhere.

Any advice for me?
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Old 10-14-2006, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Jersey Shore
1,574 posts, read 4,356,416 times
Reputation: 1002
Quote:
Originally Posted by Putty View Post
Hi, I live outside the Greensboro/W-S area and I am a transplant from the midwest. I have been here awhile and still feel alone. I have tried churches/clubs and such and still have such a hard time connecting. Am I living in the wrong area of NC or should I move out of state? I am 50, and a single female, is that the problem? I think family seems to settle a person, kids in school, etc. I don't have that! Anyone else feel like this? or is it just me?
I would like to stay, but a times I feel recreationally/socially starved. I may feel like that anywhere, so moving isn't always the answer, it is probably within myself somewhere.

Any advice for me?

Hi Putty,
What kinds of organizations did you join?
Also, did you feel connected at church? Many of us are guilty of going to church and waiting for people to welcome us and reach out to us. I've done that myself in the past. I'd be very surprised if you involved yourself in some kind of service there (especially with the holidays coming-lots of ways to get involved!) and didn't meet some good people.

Anyway, sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I hope it works out for you. And I think you hit it when you said moving is not the answer.

This is a great forum for support and advice, too-don't give up!
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Old 10-14-2006, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Concord, NC
1,418 posts, read 6,385,130 times
Reputation: 635
There is a GREAT church in Winston Salem (First Assembly) that is large, but has great groups to connect with in all age groups. Talk to one of the pastor's and tell them what you said in your post and I'll assure you they'll be more helpful than you'll ever know. That might be worth a try. Good luck!!!
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Old 10-14-2006, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Charlotte,NC, US, North America, Earth, Alpha Quadrant,Milky Way Galaxy
3,769 posts, read 6,766,295 times
Reputation: 2109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Putty View Post
Hi, I live outside the Greensboro/W-S area and I am a transplant from the midwest. I have been here awhile and still feel alone. I have tried churches/clubs and such and still have such a hard time connecting. Am I living in the wrong area of NC or should I move out of state? I am 50, and a single female, is that the problem? I think family seems to settle a person, kids in school, etc. I don't have that! Anyone else feel like this? or is it just me?
I would like to stay, but a times I feel recreationally/socially starved. I may feel like that anywhere, so moving isn't always the answer, it is probably within myself somewhere.

Any advice for me?

You know I felt the exact same way when I first moved to Boston 15 years ago. I was 22, out of school, and really first time away from home. It really does wear on you and I had serious home sickness. I joined a couple of local engineering associations that were on the professional side (i.e., they had college chapters). They were really glorified ways for single people in the same profession to meet each other . Anyway that helped a lot. Also got involved a couple youth activities, played flag football (flag football in Nov. in Boston coming from Miami, needless to say I did that only 2 years). My biggest social network was joing a good/cool church (I know this isn't for everyone). It's good to find a church that has a good number of singles and folks in your age group.

Anyway those things help, and it does get better as you get more active.
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Old 10-14-2006, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Wake Forest NC
1,611 posts, read 4,406,986 times
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OK Miker I gotta ask it... did you meet that special someone in Boston?
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Old 10-14-2006, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Charlotte,NC, US, North America, Earth, Alpha Quadrant,Milky Way Galaxy
3,769 posts, read 6,766,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYer View Post
OK Miker I gotta ask it... did you meet that special someone in Boston?
Yup, met my wife at the church I ended up joining 15 years ago...
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Old 10-14-2006, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
122 posts, read 429,510 times
Reputation: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by Putty View Post
Hi, I live outside the Greensboro/W-S area and I am a transplant from the midwest. I have been here awhile and still feel alone. I have tried churches/clubs and such and still have such a hard time connecting. Am I living in the wrong area of NC or should I move out of state? I am 50, and a single female, is that the problem? I think family seems to settle a person, kids in school, etc. I don't have that! Anyone else feel like this? or is it just me?
I would like to stay, but a times I feel recreationally/socially starved. I may feel like that anywhere, so moving isn't always the answer, it is probably within myself somewhere.

Any advice for me?
The larger metro areas attract younger couples and young professionals because that is where the jobs are. These areas focus more on schools and jobs and shopping and less on recreation. But for older folks (read that as "older than me"), you will find others in your demographic group happily living in Asheville, Chapel Hill/Carrboro or Wilmington, where there is less focus on job creation, and more focus on activities and involvement...IMHO
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Old 10-14-2006, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Oregon
27 posts, read 113,752 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by Putty View Post
Hi, I live outside the Greensboro/W-S area and I am a transplant from the midwest. I have been here awhile and still feel alone. I have tried churches/clubs and such and still have such a hard time connecting. Am I living in the wrong area of NC or should I move out of state? I am 50, and a single female, is that the problem? I think family seems to settle a person, kids in school, etc. I don't have that! Anyone else feel like this? or is it just me?
I would like to stay, but a times I feel recreationally/socially starved. I may feel like that anywhere, so moving isn't always the answer, it is probably within myself somewhere.

Any advice for me?
Hi, Putty ... Unfortunately, I don't live in NC (yet), but if I did, I'd invite you to meet for coffee. I was ssooo in the same space you were when I moved to Oregon from So. Calif. And, it's not just about being single -- I was married with two small sons when we first moved here. Oregon has been a great state to raise my family. But, I had no idea I would experience culture shock in moving from one state to another in America. Like you, I also felt very alone, as even in the best of marriages, there is nothing like having one or two close female friends to gab & hang out with. I originally came from the L.A. area of So.Cal. It is so transit down there, that you meet someone one day & go hang out together the next day. I had no idea it would take me three very long years to make close friends in Oregon. For the longest time, I thought there must be something wrong with me!!!!
I was meeting people at church & Sunday school, and through volunteer work at my kid's school & Boy Scouts, etc. But, no one ever seemed to just want to chat on the phone or go window shopping -- ya know, important girl stuff. I finally figured out that part of the difference between So.Cal. & Oregon mostly consists of multi-generational families; many raising their own families on the very same piece of land that their parents still live on and that their great-grandfathers homesteaded. There are thick family roots here with even many branches of families sticking close to home. Wow - no wonder I had such a hard time breaking into that. While many (and most) people were friendly, they just didn't have the same social needs that I had.
Needless to say, after 18 yrs. here, I have a small group of wonderful female friends. And, we have built deep roots with each other. And, to know someone here in Oregon, means you know their spouse, kids, and other extended family
And, that will be the same for you. I know it is hard now, but if you feel at home in the surroundings of NC, hang in there. No matter where you go, you will have to suffer time in "lack of friends" hell. Use this down-time to get to know the area, read some books you've meant to get to, nuture your friendship with yourself. What do you like to do that you don't mind doing on your own? Keep reminding yourself that it is not 'you'. It's just that it takes time to develop friendships in a slower-paced environment. But, those friends will be worth waiting for. And, by keeping yourself active with yourself, you'll have plenty to share with them also. ~Mari
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Old 10-16-2006, 03:15 AM
 
8 posts, read 25,705 times
Reputation: 11
Putty,
Do you like to cook? If so, you might try the Cooking Light website and join or start a supper club. Check the Bulletin Board under Supper Clubs. I joined one in Ohio and met some nice friends. There are also Couples groups, but specify that you're looking for a women's group. Good luck!
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Old 11-04-2006, 04:30 PM
 
340 posts, read 682,766 times
Reputation: 267
Red face Hard Time Fitting In/Tucson

Putty...I totally know how you feel. I made my husband pack up and leave Virginia to move here...thought it would be a nice change...Hugh mistake. We are both in our 50's so we are not in the snow bird crowd yet but are past the kids in school. I had heard there is so much to do but we are between the two social age elements here...totally depressed with no friends or social life ..(not a golfer)..my dear friend whom is a realtor still in VA suggested another move for us back east to NC in the WS area...We would still be close to VA but not have the severe weather and too many hillbillies...HA. Still need some culture..What brought you to WS? I will still be working PT as ???? but am looking forward to a lower cost life. Have you thought about some classes at the local university>>>join a local health club...that is what I plan on doing..my husband will be hopefully fishing and hunting. Hang in there. Oh any tips on buying a home there you have learned?
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