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I moved here just over a year ago-part of the dream-retire 'down south', married 28 years-helped hubby land a good job and whammo. He's dating the nurse at our doctor's office who is 16 years younger than him-she's married too. Long story short-he moved out.
My children are grown, and I work 45 mins. away from where I live. My social circle is nill. Besides barnes & noble and the zoo, I'm open for suggestions. I'm not looking for love, I'm just looking for socialization. I even have a dog!
Can ya tell? This is posted 8:00 on a Saturday night.... sigh.
Do you belong to a church?
Do you have any friends who can recommend someone who is single?
Those are usually two very good ways to meet someone.......
Sorry,or Congratulations, whichever stage you are in now!
OK now for a few suggestions depending on you circumstances feel free to use or discard any or all.
First let me say as a married man I find stories like these deplorable, I married my wife for better or worst,( lucky for me much more better than worse)Forever!But I am unique in my thinking!
If you can you may want to distance your self from the sight of the pain, especially since you are new to the area! Ask your self what would you like to do, that you never got to do, because you were married or raising a family! Did you always want to live in the city, mountains, beach ,Provence ...Now is you time, Do it! Go to school,work in a park what ever it was that was your dream,because I know that you have some secret wish that no one knows about.
Second, you may not be ready to Move to a new land,but the same holds true,What are your true passions,or forgotten passion or lost dreams. Did you always want to go ballroom dancing,take a cooking class,Take a life drawing class, well you get the idea. DO IT!
You will find three things. First that you will meet the most people that you enjoy spending time with,when you are among those that have similar passions. Second that you will be happy when you take the the time to feed your own soul.And thirdly ,when you are happy,and following your passions,others will find you!
I am a lucky man,with a very wise wife,who has taught me to follow my dreams! I have never been happier!
On the other side, Don't go looking for singles meetings/group/church classes. The last thing that you need is to be around a bunch of people having a pity party.
Now is your time to soar!!!
Finally,three things. First, Take him for all that he is worth,and spend it all on you!A old Broke man is never as attractive as a old rich man to the young gold digger!I used to live in Palm Beach,trust me on this!
Second my wife says if you husband dies,do nothing for a year,if he leaves you do everything! and Lastly in the words of Ivana Trump" Don't get even,get everything"
Thank you. You're spot on. I'm printing this out and hanging them all over the house. I think I'll sign up for ALL the classes you mentioned and some I can think of on my own. Right now diversion and inner enrichment will do me good-I'm very drained. Gearing up for day two of beginning to heal.
On a stinking side note, I've been reading a bunch of books on marriage, forgiveness, infidelity and one that I wish I'd had sooner is "His Needs, Her Needs: Building an affair-proof marriage" by Willard Harley.
It's all about being aware of your needs and priorities, your partner's needs and priorities and ways keep you and your partner on the top of each other's list. Straight-forward and simple. It's a book to read when you're in a solid marriage, not when you're trying to swim to the edge of the pool. Still, it was a good read.
Not all books are this good. I've tossed a couple in the county recycle bins already!
AcadianIrish, thank you for the suggestions, but I'm not looking for singles. I'm looking for me.
I would highly recommend the FULIR (Furman Learning in Retirement) program at Furman University. I know lots of retired people, including my parents, who have taken classes there. The paticipants were not all retirement-aged people. I believe there were some younger people who were not working for various reasons who took classes also.
I'm sorry to hear what happened to you and I know it's tough moving to a new area and not knowing anyone. I moved here only a little over a year ago with my boyfriend, he is away for work half the week and I work from home. That leaves me alone a lot and with no opportunity to meet people, so I really understand how difficult it is.
This is what I did and might help you...
I found a web site that has different groups of people with similiar interests that meet on occasion. I joined the groups that I had interest in and made a couple friends. I can't post it here but if you want the address, send me a DM.
I also started my own lunch group that meets once a month. I call it the Girls Lunch Out and I made cards I carry to invite women when I'm out shopping, doing business or whatever. I then tell them to invite women. I have 30 women in my group now. I know this sounds like a lot of work but I found that if you want something, you have to be proactive to make it happen.
You can probably make friends on forums like City-Data also. I haven't really except one person that is a business associate but if I made an effort on here I could have probably met several people.
Joining clubs or volunteering is also a great idea.
I'm sorry that you had to find out the hard way that your husband is a stinker, but the best revenge is always living well. Its okay to seem down and hurt until you finalize the settlement. Once he has signed it, then smile and say good riddens.
When I moved to the south after my divorce it was hard meeting new people, so I just did things that I like by myself. I took classes at night at local colleges, sports, dog parks, and eventually you meet people. It takes time, but don't sit at home waiting for them to find you. Go out and talk to people.
My mother met her best friend when she went to buy glasses and she chatted with the cashier. They had so much in common that they went out for a cup of coffee, and years later they are the closest of friends.
My brother meets a lot of his friends by volunteering at Golden Retriever Rescue. They plan events and day trips for people and their dogs.
I never cared for "Singles" clubs because I wasn't looking for adate, I was looking for friends. Sign up for classes or events that you will enjoy. This way, if you don't meet any body you won't feel like you wasted your time.
Good luck.
AcadianIrish, thank you for the suggestions, but I'm not looking for singles. I'm looking for me.
In my defense, I wasn't suggesting you need to meet other single people to heal,......I was only answering your question, which implied in the title that you were looking to meet someone at a place other than a bar.........so I suggested some relatively "safe" and healthy places to get to know other people......male......and females friends can be found through both of those suggestions I made. If you meet a friend through your church then you have your faith in common (if you are a believer)......and if you meet a friend through other friends......you can trust that you will have a bit of background on this new person.
I totally agree that you need to find "yourself" first and you should start with finding your passion and heading in that direction.
Good luck in your new pursuits.......and please remember one thing.....although it's tempting to be bitter and do some of the things that others suggest like taking your ex for all his money, etc........I truly believe your peace will come from within. Negative thoughts and engery spend on this type of attitude will only festered inside. I grew u with a single mom........my father was an alcoholic.......we lived in poverity. My father never paid a cent in child support. My mother worked hard.......held her head up high.......and NEVER badmouthed my father to my brother and I while we were growing up. She realized........even though he was sick/ill and being selfish......being angry was only going to hurt her and her children. I can't tell you how much I appreciated the lesson she taught us with that attitude. She had DIGNITY, which was more important than revenge! Healing comes from within......and being the "bigger" person is always more rewarding in the end. I'm sure you are going to do great! Again.......good luck!!!
Just to add........
I'm a 40 year old married women with 3 young kids......I DO know how hard marriage can be. I supported my husband through a Masters Degree and PHD while he was still working full time. Trust me.......if my husband left me for another woman at this stage in my life......I would be devastated and would certainly expect some financial support from him since I gave up my career to raise our children. We have moved all around North America to help him in his career aspirations. BUT......I really hope that if I was ever put to that test, I would realize (after a healing period)......that what he did was selfish.......and had nothing to do with me. He will be accountable for his behaviour some day. I would try to "pick" myself up........and for the sake of myself and my kids.......move forward. That is the best medicine. (I know.....it's easier said than done! But you will be in my thoughts and prayers!)
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