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Old 03-04-2013, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,505 posts, read 11,481,746 times
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Lovely though to read that you did or do have lovely caring partners, some never find this.. I think what age you are when a partner dies is important too.. and what family you have around you.....I watch an old lady in her late seventies who lives near me passing with her grandaughter who has severe learning difficulties hanging on to her granny and laughing away... the old woman looks so done and tired, and no wonder...... she must be sick with worry for when she dies leaving this teenage girl alone.... This woman has brought the girl up since young, and makes me think of another way to look at grief, and how lucky I am..
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Old 03-04-2013, 09:03 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdcdguy View Post
I always talk to my wife as I will be leaving first. There is no reason for this, except women usually live longer. I think really though, I wouldn't want to live without her, but it is selfish to expect her to do the same, but I think she is stronger. Still, we don't get to decide. And for those that have lost, I can't imagine how difficult it is. It is nice to share things in common and I am sure this fourm is helping someone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
Lovely though to read that you did or do have lovely caring partners, some never find this.. I think what age you are when a partner dies is important too.. and what family you have around you.....I watch an old lady in her late seventies who lives near me passing with her grandaughter who has severe learning difficulties hanging on to her granny and laughing away... the old woman looks so done and tired, and no wonder...... she must be sick with worry for when she dies leaving this teenage girl alone.... This woman has brought the girl up since young, and makes me think of another way to look at grief, and how lucky I am..
Hi, CA. My MS is doing "okay" so far, TG. Actually I don't really know since it's a "silent" disease and one never knows until an "attack" happens. Then you know another part of your brain has died. What I worry most about is an attack will be on my nerves to my lungs and I will stop being able to breathe. I will die then. I never told Earl about that and I doubt he thought of it, he was more worried about me being paralyzed as I have been in the past but only one leg. I think he worried it would attack both my legs as it did both my arms and hands back in '01. He was a love.

Years before earl died, cdcd, Earl and I talked about what each of us would do if we wwere the one "left behind". He said he would go up to NH, Main or Vermont to the top of a mountain and just scream loud and long. I think I said I would be devestated (as I am) and that I would stay single for the rest of my life. He told me he didn't want me to do that if I found another guy. If I found one, I wouldn't feel guilty but I'm choosing to stay single because I don't WANT another one.

Hi ya, dizzy. Good to see ya! I'm so sure that old lady must be sick with worry about her granddaughter. Poor lady. How old is the g/daughter? Would she be sent to whatever social services you have over there? Are the kid's disabilities sever enough to prevent her from living on her own? What a burden young women put on their mothers to raise their ill begotten children.
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Old 03-04-2013, 09:13 AM
 
1,311 posts, read 3,055,744 times
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Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Hi, CA. My MS is doing "okay" so far, TG. Actually I don't really know since it's a "silent" disease and one never knows until an "attack" happens. Then you know another part of your brain has died. What I worry most about is an attack will be on my nerves to my lungs and I will stop being able to breathe. I will die then. I never told Earl about that and I doubt he thought of it, he was more worried about me being paralyzed as I have been in the past but only one leg. I think he worried it would attack both my legs as it did both my arms and hands back in '01. He was a love.

Years before earl died, cdcd, Earl and I talked about what each of us would do if we wwere the one "left behind". He said he would go up to NH, Main or Vermont to the top of a mountain and just scream loud and long. I think I said I would be devestated (as I am) and that I would stay single for the rest of my life. He told me he didn't want me to do that if I found another guy. If I found one, I wouldn't feel guilty but I'm choosing to stay single because I don't WANT another one.

Hi ya, dizzy. Good to see ya! I'm so sure that old lady must be sick with worry about her granddaughter. Poor lady. How old is the g/daughter? Would she be sent to whatever social services you have over there? Are the kid's disabilities sever enough to prevent her from living on her own? What a burden young women put on their mothers to raise their ill begotten children.
Tam- I can see why you don't want another guy. Sounds like you had a great one! Some do remarry and I think that is ok too. I know if my wife died first I would be devestated. But I can't say I would never consider marriage again.

I hope your health can stay stable and maybe improve. You are an inspiration here!
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Old 03-04-2013, 09:29 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdcdguy View Post
Tam- I can see why you don't want another guy. Sounds like you had a great one! Some do remarry and I think that is ok too. I know if my wife died first I would be devestated. But I can't say I would never consider marriage again.

I hope your health can stay stable and maybe improve. You are an inspiration here!
Thanks cdcd. IF I found another wonderful man like Earl, I'd "consider" marriage again but he'd have to be a really good guy. I also don't know if another man could "compete" with Earl's memory to be truthful. I loved that man so much for so long and was so "spoiled" with being treated like a proper woman, IDK if I would "let" another man "live up" to my expectations now.

As far as my health goes, ty for the thought about getting better but I will only get worse. I'd love to get better and pray that a cure can be found but it is what it is at the moment. Steroids actually make MS totally better but the side effects of them are dangerous too and my neurologist won't prescribe them for me. Hell, I'd blow up to 500 lbs or better if I took them on a regular basis! I only dream of how well I have felt on the 'roids! Supergirl!!!
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Old 03-04-2013, 07:53 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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Before you read this post, read my last one in the "all kinds of losses..." one first. You need to to understand this post.

I called my next door neighbor right away to come feed the birds for me because I wanted to hop a plane asap to Texas to be with my daughter. She's so messed up she doesn't want me coming! The kids are already back to school today and she is going back to work Thursday and her two BsIL are staying at her house. The kid doesn't want me to come and be alone like here. You don't want your MOTHER at a time like this?? Maybe she's too p*ssed to need comforting. IDK. So I now have more grief, not for that a-hole but my daughter and my gchildren with no way of expressing it.

My poor baby is a widow now too.

Last edited by tamiznluv; 03-04-2013 at 08:08 PM..
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Old 03-05-2013, 12:34 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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Can't fall asleep. I need to vent. If he didn't already do it, I'd shoot my SIL for doing this to his wife and kids. Talk about traumatizing everyone, especially the children. Bast*rd couldn't go out in the woods and do it? He had to do it right there with everyone home except the oldest who was at Camp Lejunne?? (sp?) At least the a-hole didn't do it in the house. My poor baby had to go out and pick up the pieces of brain and skull that were thrown all over. My poor baby. I have no idea what SHE went through doing that. She sounded so hard and cold, no emotion on the phone when she called tonight. She is so shell shocked. My poor baby gdaughter is a basket case too. The sun rose and set with her father. Hell, I was in my 50's when my daddy died a natural death and I had to go on my happy pills. Kelcie is only 15 and he took himself away from her. I disliked the a-hole before, I HATE him now and am cursing his soul.Not very Christian-like but that's how I feel. Do something to me, I may eventually forgive but do something to my daughter and grand babies...you are toast in my life.

On one hand I want to cheer and do a happy dance that he is out of my daughter's life now. Good riddence to bad rubbish but I hurt so bad for my kids.

Fry in HELL you coward!!!
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Old 03-05-2013, 04:33 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
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Tami...Maybe your daughter will change her mind about having you with her...I guess she'll have to deal with burying or cremating her husband at some point..What an awful situation. I'm so sorry for all of you...Please take care of yourself the best you can. Know it's hard...Sorry you have to deal with all the feelings by yourself...We're all here when you need to talk.
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Old 03-06-2013, 12:48 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,739,165 times
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I know how angry you feel. A very good friend of mine was going to initiate a divorce but hadn't filed, or even seen a lawyer, yet, but her husband was so distraught that he went out in the back yard of their home and hung himself from a tree. His 6 year old daughter found him when she got home from school. The older three daughters ran out when the little one was screaming, so that's the legacy he left his daughters...seeing him hanging dead from a tree...my friend was so angry and furious that he left that image for his kids to see. She was so beyond anger, hate, you name it that she was put on some heavy duty meds and their family went through intensive counselling for over a year. She's since remarried, and her girls are now 16, 18, 20 & 22 and they also went through years of hating their father for being such a coward.

My heart goes out to your daughter and her children. They're going to need some kind of counselling as that's a horrific sight to see, no matter how old they are. My arms are hugging you tightly and my thoughts are with you and your daughter and her children.
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Old 03-06-2013, 07:59 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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Good morning everyone.

CA, the a-hole is already cremated and gone. Melanie did that right away. She's supposed to call Saturday.

Marcy, I had a g/f who did that too...hung herself in the garage and one of her daughter's found her. I knew another lady who I used to work with had the same experience as your friend's daughters too. The mother blamed the poor girl and that lady was such a bigtime drunk even at work cuz she never got the help she so desperatly needed. She died drunk too. Nice lady but so screwed up even in her 60's from what her father did and then her rotten mother blaming a poor 5 year old!

Melanie's pastor is helping Mel find a counselor for the kids.

I'm hugging tightly right back...I need them.
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Old 03-06-2013, 12:00 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,637,003 times
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Tam,
My heart and prayers go out to your family and you. We never know why people take their own life It seems like a selfish act.

Please know I am thinking of you all.

xxxoo
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