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Old 03-06-2013, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
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Oh Tam......I feel so bad for you and your family after reading this....... hope you all find the strength to get through all this ...xx
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Old 03-06-2013, 06:13 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Tam,
My heart and prayers go out to your family and you. We never know why people take their own life It seems like a selfish act.

Please know I am thinking of you all.

xxxoo
TY, smilin'. It IS a cowardly, selfish act, especially when children are involved and right there!

Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
Oh Tam......I feel so bad for you and your family after reading this....... hope you all find the strength to get through all this ...xx
Hi, diz. My strength is fine, it's Melanie I am worried about. I have never heard such coldness and no emotion in her voice. She's trying to be strong, but at what cost?
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Old 03-06-2013, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,210 times
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Tami, I am praying that God will help to heal this family of yours. I try to compare my grief to her grief, and I think there has got to be a lot of differences, yet similarities. It is such a difficult situation for her and the kids.

I hope that she will eventually reach out to you to help her and give her the support she needs. Bless you all, and thanks for sharing with us. It means a lot to me that you find support from our wonderful group.

((((HUGS)))

tngirl
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Old 03-07-2013, 04:07 AM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 15,898,310 times
Reputation: 7531
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Hi, diz. My strength is fine, it's Melanie I am worried about. I have never heard such coldness and no emotion in her voice. She's trying to be strong, but at what cost?
tami, ya know - I don't weigh in here much, but I'm kind of that way - either I'm flapping my wings and the sky is falling, or I go what my family describes as "flat". If there is something semi-serious I might play Chicken Little, but a grave situation causes me to lose all emotion just to get through it. It's like I can't afford myself the luxury of feeling or I just might cave in. I was a police officer for many years and I think it might come from that (but my family says no, I've always been like that). I guess I'm afraid if I allow one little crack in the armor that everything will fall apart, and I may go to bed and never get up again.

The mind is a powerful thing and allows us to shut down in some areas so we can just keep breathing and do what needs to be done. We break down later, when the pressure isn't quite as intense - and I am sure your daughter is under the most horrible emotional load one could be expected to carry right now. She's in kind of a shock-y state. You could suggest a visit to her doctor if she hasn't been already - s/he may be able to give Melanie something to help settle, but I sort of know her feeling - it's like Novocaine has been poured into your brain and only your autonomic responses are working.

Peace to you, your daughter, your grandchildren, and all whose lives were touched by this tragedy. I'm so very sorry for everyone.
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Old 03-07-2013, 06:54 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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TY, tn, I sure do get comfort from all you wonderful people here. I'm sure I'd either be dead, in a loony bin or out on the streets if I hadn't found this place.

Sam, thank you for telling me about how you "operate" in crisis. That must be what is happening to Melanie. She has gone "flat" in order to survive this. I can understand now. I can even accept it now. Poor "child". Maybe it would be different if she were closer to me and I could just "pop over".
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Old 03-08-2013, 10:58 AM
 
1,050 posts, read 2,866,525 times
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Tam, I too am so sorry for what you and your famliy are going thru. It is an awful mess. Cooincidentially last night at my grief group, the subject of suicide came up. The video we watched had several people who either spouse or child killed himself. Anger seemed to be the top emotion, then came guilt, embarrasement. Eventially forgiveness came to the surface and it was the factor of forgiving the lost one, or forgiving yourself for not seeing the signs. From what I learned, it will take some time to sort it all out and heal....I hope the best for you all.

Jude
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Old 03-08-2013, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
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Hi Tami...Sounds like you're doing okay and I'm glad...I waited about 2 weeks or so after my son died to call friends and my one cousin to let them know my son died...A few local friends knew and I eventually posted about his death here...I just needed some time to deal with my grief and compose myself before I had to repeat that my son had died over and over again to everyone..And I just wasn't up to dealing with everyone's "shock" about his death or any worries or fears about me...I think we all have different ways of handling death and grief...And the way we react probably varies based on the circumstances and each person who dies and where we are "at" (mentally and emotionally) at the time...Don't you think?..I agree with Sam I Am...And Jude's post was helpful too. I had a cousin who took her own life when I was younger and I felt guilty about her death for many years...Will you still be talking to Melanie tomorrow? Thanks for keeping us posted. And thanks for "trusting" all of us and letting us "care" about you!
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Old 03-08-2013, 12:04 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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Anger, I still have anger at my bf who hung herself 18 years ago. At HER. No note so her daughters looked to me for answers and I had none. That was a tough situation.

I'm angry at SIL for the WAY he did this. Utter madness. Not that he did it, I could care less about that but WHAT he did to my kids and the WAY he did it.

I will never accepet either of these suicides that have touched my life. Thanks, Jude.

CA, yes, I hope Mel calls tomorrow. I think she will. I just texted her a hug and got back a smile. That's a good sign I think.

(((hugs)))
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Old 03-08-2013, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
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Tami..Glad Melanie texted you a smile back...Please let us know after you talk to her tomorrow. Thanks...Sending you a BIG HUG!
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Old 03-09-2013, 08:17 AM
 
1,050 posts, read 2,866,525 times
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Well, today is exactly one year since we got the terrible news about Bob. It has all gone so fast and still sometimes think I will wake up from this nightmare. Physcially it has been 6 months, but I feel I lost him a whole year ago. To watch someone you love who is so smart and proud die a little each day is so painful. I still feel the resentment towards his employer who put so much stress on him. I would like to see him face to face to tell him that what he did to my husband. I am a true believer that all things have a reason, but still the sorrow will be there.......it will fade with time, but the memories will last forever.
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