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Old 07-02-2007, 06:43 AM
 
Location: Twin Cities
3,570 posts, read 7,776,403 times
Reputation: 5973

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Quote:
Originally Posted by canibeyou View Post
Wow... such intense stories! RIP to everyone. http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y164/canibeyou/2pray.gif (broken link)

gnubler.. I'll let you in on something no one ever told me about, when someone you loves passes away... the fact that the world doesn't stop and everyone notice that someone that was important to you has just had their homegoing. When my Grandpa passed away, on the way to his uneral, we stopped at a McDonald's. I wasn't the least bit hungry, but you have to eat. Well, sitting there, watching everyone laughing, eating, talking, acting like nothing was wrong, infuriated me. I was so angered that no one else seemed to care that someone I loved so much was no longer gonna be around.

I never understood until I lost someone special how "cruel" life can be that way. That was a bitter lesson to learn so young.

I know exactly what you're saying here. I remember watching TV programs and commercials and people making light of death. I refused to watch certain programs or pretty much watch television due to people's callousness. Of course this was my grief speaking at the time. Life does go on and it's cruel.

The one thing I remember my wife saying over and over was how she was tired of people saying, "Rejoice in the fact that your mom is in the arms of Jesus", or she's receive cards that said something similar. That angered her more than anything because she wasn't ready to rejoice. She wanted her mom back. She knew her mom was in heaven with the Lord, but we're all selfish and would love to have one more day with that loved one. Sometimes the best thing is to give a hug or "I'm sorry for your loss" or simply "We're praying for you."
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Old 07-02-2007, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
13,459 posts, read 21,199,786 times
Reputation: 17675
I agree, Hoos, most of the time, a hug, and a prayer is all we need, because we always understand that When my dad died in a nursing home the administrater offered her condolences the next day when we went to get his things, by telling me that my dad was now an angel and was looking down at me. I told her that dad was not an angel, but was with God. That was probably very rude for me to say that to someone who was just being nice, and I regret hurting her feelings.
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Old 07-02-2007, 07:15 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
5,298 posts, read 5,673,057 times
Reputation: 8131
I have to say you are very lucky to have not lost anyone,it definately isn't easy.

Just recently going through this on May 26th it is hard.My husbands daughter was murdered in Brooklyn Center in Minnesota.It seems very unreal still,you always expect these things to happen to someone else,you read the story,feel sad and on to the next story.Personally with me I've noticed I'm extemely stressed worrying about my husband trying to make sure he is of sound mind since this has happened and keeping myself sane at the same time.You go through one emotion to the next like a bad roller coaster ride.

When my mother died in 1993 of cancer it was very emotional I was 27 and had a brother and sister ages 15 and 16 both of which moved in with me.It definately wasn't easy being so young taking care of them and my 8 year old at the time. Most people go through shock,sadness,frustration,anger and of course doubting whether you loved the person enough and if they knew how much they were loved.
My husband is questioning if there was anything he could have done to prevent his daughters death,all the woulda,coulda,shoulda's.
All I can say is love your family and friends as much as you can,because like we all know tommorrow is promised to no one.
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Old 07-02-2007, 07:31 AM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 2,375,648 times
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One thing I have learned is if you have something special to say to someone, say it, don't just think it...call that person, write that person, go to that person and tell them how you feel.

I have a friend that I went to grade school with. Her Mother has been battling breast cancer and it has spread to her lungs and liver. This woman was amazing, she was there in our school all the time participating, bringing special things, arranging parties, taking pictures...she was Super Mom...I had been looking forward to taking my daughter to meet her one day...unfortunately it looks like she might not be there much longer. I have resolved to call her and tell her how much I appreciate all the wonderful things she did for us, I want her to know what a BIG part of my memory of my childhood she is.

What a waste if you don't say these things, share your feelings with your loved ones and your left to say it at their funeral.
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Old 07-02-2007, 07:59 AM
 
5,640 posts, read 16,926,779 times
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When a person is very old and in very ill health or in chronic pain, the death is welcomed almost as a blessing and it is part of a natural process of life. But when a young person goes, you just never get over it, ever.
I had a young relative who died a very unexpected violent death and it affected me deeply and our entire family will never get over it.
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Old 07-02-2007, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 2,375,648 times
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Maybe I am selfish...my Grandmother was born in 1898...she passed away when she was 94, she had lived a long and productive life. I was closest to her, more then anyone else in my family, it wasn't long enough, I wanted more time.
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Old 07-02-2007, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Now in Oregon!
378 posts, read 1,082,925 times
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My partner and I met in 1980, just as AIDS was beginning as a whisper in the San Jose/San Francisco area where we lived. It soon became a scream and we lost many friends from it, and continued to do so for several years before those miracle drugs began taking hold.

We always fortunately honored our own commitment to each other and thankfully escaped the disease, but it was a tragic thing to witness. We often think about how close we came to it.
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Old 07-02-2007, 10:19 AM
 
5,640 posts, read 16,926,779 times
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I have a family member who died of aids in the early 80s in NYC. Many members of the family refused to say what his cause of death was for many years as they are a conservative religious family.
I suspected at the time - only to have it confirmed years later - what a horrible thing it was to have that disease then. No one knew anything about it.
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Old 07-02-2007, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 6,075,185 times
Reputation: 4320
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa_from_Debary View Post
Maybe I am selfish...my Grandmother was born in 1898...she passed away when she was 94, she had lived a long and productive life. I was closest to her, more then anyone else in my family, it wasn't long enough, I wanted more time.
I know exactly what you mean. People told my Mom (about her Dad) all the time, "Ah... he was 69! He lived a good long life." http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y164/canibeyou/headshake.gif (broken link) You're kidding, right? To me, 69 is pretty young. And even if he would've been 79 or 89, I'm selfish and still wish it would've been longer.

My Dad's best friend raced motorcycles. Got into the Guinness Book doing it. He was doing an exhibition ride and something went wrong and he died. I've never liked the saying "He died doing what he loved." Really? 'Cuz if it were me, I'd hate for the thing I love to be the thing I grew to hate in the last seconds of my life, knowing it was killing me."

I agree... a "you're in our prayers", "Godpseed", "RIP", etc. is the most appropriate thing to say. Or just a hug, if you don't know what to say.

mystree66... http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y164/canibeyou/2pray.gif (broken link)
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Old 07-02-2007, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
31,165 posts, read 57,288,199 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fuzzymystic View Post
The truth is, every time you say good bye to someone-in person, on the phone, whatever, it could be the last time.
And in a way, isn't that for the best. If I had known, the last time I hugged my father good-bye after a weekend visit, that he'd be gone in two weeks, I couldn't have handled it. Make every moment count.

The last time I saw my grandmother, we knew she had a degenerative disease and would be gone from us within a year; I hugged her extra long when I left, and wasn't she surprised! She kinda looked at me funny. I can't remember now why I hugged her the way I did, but she died the following week of a stroke, not related to the other issue.
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