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Old 02-01-2011, 04:04 PM
 
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Today I learned my dad died alone. And this is five months later. I am really confused. It took me six weeks to ask the question and my mother told me he was not alone and that my sister and she were with him. Then today my sister who is a nurse tells my mother he was dead before That he'd already passed on before my mother knew of it? My sister said there were angels there and that his spirit had left the room when she took his pulse.

Ok, so I am not a believer really. And I don't understand how I could be told he was not alone and then why my sister felt the need to tell my mother this five months later. And I really did not want or need to hear this from my mother. Of course, I always stay quiet when she talks about angels or heaven as to do otherwise would only upset her, but due to my belief system I think it very sad he died alone.

Anyway, who thinks this is odd or not and would you be bothered by it? There is nothing I can do except to just try to forget about it, but my friend says I am making a big deal of nothing and I disagree. What do you think?
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Old 02-01-2011, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,270,313 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
Today I learned my dad died alone. And this is five months later. I am really confused. It took me six weeks to ask the question and my mother told me he was not alone and that my sister and she were with him. Then today my sister who is a nurse tells my mother he was dead before That he'd already passed on before my mother knew of it? My sister said there were angels there and that his spirit had left the room when she took his pulse.

Ok, so I am not a believer really. And I don't understand how I could be told he was not alone and then why my sister felt the need to tell my mother this five months later. And I really did not want or need to hear this from my mother. Of course, I always stay quiet when she talks about angels or heaven as to do otherwise would only upset her, but due to my belief system I think it very sad he died alone.

Anyway, who thinks this is odd or not and would you be bothered by it? There is nothing I can do except to just try to forget about it, but my friend says I am making a big deal of nothing and I disagree. What do you think?
Someone who was a very big part of your life died and it is natural to have questions without answers. I am very sorry for your loss

Personally, I do not believe any of us die alone. Other human beings may not be present, but that does not mean we are alone

In addition, I have medical professionals in my family who have told me it is actually very common for a person to die when their loved ones have left the room, sometimes even for just a few minutes.

There are several theories as to why this happens, one prevailing one being that the dying person understands at those final moments that while they are going on to a new beginning, the loved ones left behind would be distraught to witness their transition.

Try not to focus on your feelings that your dad died alone and concentrate instead on the good memories you have of him. I hope you find peace.
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Old 02-01-2011, 04:55 PM
 
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I feel certain that no harm was meant by it. It's always a difficult thing to lose a loved one. For those who are physically there, knowing what to tell those who weren't is hard too. Perhaps your sister strongly believed that he wasn't alone because of her religious beliefs, or maybe she just said it to comfort you. I don't know.

I think it's only natural to be sad about losing your dad. Having to face the death of a loved one brings up questions of what happens next that can be hard to deal with. With regards to what your sister said, I would be comforted to know that she did what she thought was best at the time. In truth, it's impossible to know what your dad was aware of or not. In his mind in those final moments, all of you may have been very much there with him.
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Old 02-01-2011, 05:02 PM
 
Location: in here, out there
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I watched my mother die and I never felt the same. Be glad you weren't there.
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Old 02-01-2011, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Nashville, Tn
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I'm also very sorry about your loss. My own Father died in his sleep after quickly losing a battle with cancer and he was also alone. I look at it this way, when people lose a loved one they often find it more comforting to think of their death as happening in a manner that's less troubling and I can't fault anyone for doing that. I also agree with the post which referred to religious beliefs and even though I don't know the circumstances I can understand how the actual events may have been too painful to accept as they really happened but I wouldn't think of this situation as being anything deceitful by those who related the story to you.
I think you just need to come to a better understanding of how people react to the death of people that they love and I honestly think it would be much better for you to just let these thoughts go rather than to dwell on them and possibly imagine that there's something wrong that you need to get to the bottom of. Again, I'm sincerely sorry and I can relate to your feelings because I was in the same situation.
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Old 02-01-2011, 05:15 PM
 
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I'm truly, so very sorry for your loss Misty Same deal here...when my own father passed some years ago, he was pretty much 100% alone as well, as far as I can remember anyway. I didn't even get a chance to say good-bye

Blessings and the very best of wishes, to you...and again, my sincere sympathies and condolences. Also pls feel free to DM me anytime, if you ever need anyone to talk to, or a sympathetic ear.
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Old 02-01-2011, 05:34 PM
 
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Thanks all so much for your condolences. I don't think she was being deceptive or that there is anything to get to the bottom of, rather I am just confused why she would tell my mom at all or five months later.

I saw a bereavement counselor three times and went to a couple grief groups so as not to bring up any unnecessary or painful feelings in my mom. So I am not quite sure just why this revelation was made.

I especially appreciate the comments that at times people want to go when loved ones are not present so as not to witness the "transition," although that sort of makes me wonder if the transition is bad.

I do appreciate all of your thoughts. And I am very sorry to those of you who have lost loved ones too and hope you are at peace or find it soon.
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Old 02-01-2011, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
Thanks all so much for your condolences. I don't think she was being deceptive or that there is anything to get to the bottom of, rather I am just confused why she would tell my mom at all or five months later.

I saw a bereavement counselor three times and went to a couple grief groups so as not to bring up any unnecessary or painful feelings in my mom. So I am not quite sure just why this revelation was made.

I especially appreciate the comments that at times people want to go when loved ones are not present so as not to witness the "transition," although that sort of makes me wonder if the transition is bad.

I do appreciate all of your thoughts. And I am very sorry to those of you who have lost loved ones too and hope you are at peace or find it soon.

Honey, it is my sincere belief that the "transition" is only painful to watch, not to go thru, which is why they die when we are out of the room many times - to spare US. The person dying is being relieved of all their suffering, all their worries, all their anxiety and are being welcomed by loved ones on the other side
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Old 02-01-2011, 05:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Honey, it is my sincere belief that the "transition" is only painful to watch, not to go thru, which is why they die when we are out of the room many times - to spare US. The person dying is being relieved of all their suffering, all their worries, all their anxiety and are being welcomed by loved ones on the other side
Thanks, I guess we'll all find out when we get there as to what it's like.

I think for some though, it's not like that. One poster in this thread (and I am so sorry) indicated otherwise and I don't know why and I won't pry. I never pry into such private matters. I figure if someone wants to talk about it I am there to listen, but I never ask.

I know the saying is "we come into this world alone and we go out alone" but who really knows what is on the other side. I do envy those people with beliefs. I guess I believe in other planes of existence, but that's as far as it goes. I just hope I get to see my pups on the other side someday. Anyway, I didn't/don't want to turn this thread into some religious discussion, rather I just found it very odd that after five months this was disclosed. I think this, more than anything, bothers me. And, of course, the notion that my dad was alone in his last moments (well, that is how I see it at least, even though I do appreciate the other thoughts expressed in this thread).
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Old 02-01-2011, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
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I agree with Charles, Be glad you weren't there.

Really.

All of us die alone, even if surrounded by 20 others.
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