No Emotion At Dads Death

[MsAnnThrope]

The title of your post says "no emotion at Dad's death" but you did have emotion - anger.

What the title should have said was that you didn't have appropriate emotion.

This is probably because you're male and society dictates that you're not supposed to cry, so for you the only way to let out the emotion is to channel it in unhealthy and destructive ways. You really should work on this because it will keep happening to you every time you get upset in your life.

[Marcy1210]

I wonder sometimes if I grieved over my husband's death appropriately, even though I'm not sure what appropriate is. I was out of town when he died, and it took me four days to get back home. My kids had come in from around the country and had begun to deal with some of the immediate arrangements. I did not want to see him. I wanted to remember him as I last saw him a couple of days earlier--vibrant, alive, happy---not lying in a coffin.

I was numb the first year. I went from a stay-at-home wife and mom, to a widow with not clue how to even pay a bill. It took an intensive year to sell his business, sell my home, and settle the estate. the business end of dying is overwhelming.

The second year, I began to feel his loss, and I started crying for no reason, feeling unbearable lonliness and missing him horribly. But, I haven't felt anger yet. Intense sadness still, 2 1/2 years later, sorrow, missing him, aching, crying, lonliness, but no anger. I haven't followed the 5 steps, or even come close. I seem to be still in the heartbreak/lump in my throat when I talk about him stage. I keep wondering when the anger will hit, as I've been told that his sudden death with no warning and me not being there should make me very angry, but it hasn't.

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by yankeegirl313

The five emotional stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Each person goes through these stages at his or her own pace and may move back and forth among them instead of progressing straight through them.

I thought that was when someone was facing their own death, not the death of another.

Upon hearing about his mother's death John Lennon burst out laughing...and then cried for about a week straight.

[Trimac20]

Yes not crying doesn't necessarily mean you don't care as much or don't love him as much. I think it's just the expected thing to do. We all handle loss different, and we all have different perspectives on death. Some may think, 'why cry over death, it happens, it's illogical', their logic might override any sentimentality they may feel. Doesn't mean that person might not've sacrificed a lot for that person. Although you'd expect some feeling, of course.

[Trimac20]

Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope

The title of your post says "no emotion at Dad's death" but you did have emotion - anger.

What the title should have said was that you didn't have appropriate emotion.

This is probably because you're male and society dictates that you're not supposed to cry, so for you the only way to let out the emotion is to channel it in unhealthy and destructive ways. You really should work on this because it will keep happening to you every time you get upset in your life.

Even during a funeral? I've never heard of the notion that males are not supposed to cry at funerals. I always thought that everyone who was close to the deceased was supposed to cry or at least show their grief.