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I think it just depends on the situation...and also the level of closeness of the loved one...and the kind of person you are.
I experienced death many times before but I didn't really grieve until I lost my best friend. During that time, I experienced a pain I never knew existed...
I think it just depends on the situation...and also the level of closeness of the loved one...and the kind of person you are.
I experienced death many times before but I didn't really grieve until I lost my best friend. During that time, I experienced a pain I never knew existed...
Agreed, D217 and I can relate. My experiences with grief have varied with the people who passed.
You only feel guilty b/c society dictates that you should....don't! It really erks me, that society continually judges another person for doing something outside they're comfort zone.
Death for me, is very difficult, and due to that, I don't go to viewings or funerals, it really upsets me horrendously to see others hurting. Last funeral I went to was my cousin's young daughter. It was awful, but I felt like I had to go.
when I pass on, I want nothing, no thing, no viewing, no funeral, nothing in the paper, I do not wish and will not put my family thru that....I don't even want any kind of short service....nothing. First it's one heck of an expense, and I want my family to have the money instead of spending it on something so, to me, and this is only how I feel, it doesn't reflect on someone else's feelings here...so, darn painful and to me, hugely ridiculous. I want my families last memories to be good ones, not having to put them thru the pains and finance of a funeral.
I really wish society (people) would have the awareness to understand, just b/c they feel one way about something and someone else feels another way, doesn't make any one of them wrong....and respect a person's feelings instead of talking about them or running them down....but I see it happening more and more....it's rather silly and kindergarden to me.
So, if you don't feel grief, you don't....perhaps you look at death a whole lot differently then most people do....and that's ok....it's ok to be who you are and feel what you feel....
Why I find your your emtions(or lack of in this case) odd, I don't condone it. I fear your penting your feelings up for whatever reason. It's a cycle and will eventually catch up with you, like your friend, it may manifest in something or someone else, but, you will catch your self and realize your actually grieving.
Why I find your your emtions(or lack of in this case) odd, I don't condone it. I fear your penting your feelings up for whatever reason. It's a cycle and will eventually catch up with you, like your friend, it may manifest in something or someone else, but, you will catch your self and realize your actually grieving.
see, this is the kind of thing I don't understand, really, and seriously, I'm not insulting you, but more so, trying to understand your way of thinking...
Why, must there be a reason or a consequence that comes out later for the lack of the op's emotion? The OP is stating, that they feel guilty b/c society dictates to him/her that they must or else something must be wrong...??? I felt the same way as a child....my aunt passed away...we were not particularly close, and yet, I can remember, everyone talking about her when I was little. They talked about what a horrible person she was, and what a nut case she was....and then when she died OMG, they all went into the crying frenzy????? I couldn't cry and I felt awful, b/c I thought I was supposed to...
Sometimes, a person doesn't grieve, doesn't mean there is something wrong, or something will definately surface in the future...there is no reason why he or she isn't grieving, they just aren't....period, but we humans cannot accept that, there has got to be an underlying answer for everything, and sometimes there just isn't. It is what it is....and honestly and respectifully, by your post, your saying, this is very odd, this is wrong to feel like this...how can one person tell another person how to feel or if they're not feeling that, then it's going to rear its ugly head down the road.
Also, I believe, when someone passes away, they're time is up and it is time for them to go...of course, if someone is close to me, I'm going to grieve....but the older I'm getting and the closer it is to my time to go, I'm also understanding it's part of life...and actually looking forward to seeing what is in the great "Beyond"....however, the OP, perhaps may simply have a better understanding in his;/her soul about death...and be good with it...and understand, it was time for the grandmother to move on...into that other place....
I'm not saying anyone is wrong for grieving, but if a person doesn't grieve, they also have that right without having to feel wrong....society makes people feel wrong for they're feelings, and that is wrong....again, what is good for you, doesn't work for others....period...it's called awareness of that fact...
I just have a hard time with society trying to label everything that is beyond they're capability of understanding, meaning, just b/c you feel you must grieve, doesn't say everyone has to grieve.
Last edited by cremebrulee; 04-20-2011 at 06:47 AM..
see, this is the kind of thing I don't understand, really, and seriously, I'm not insulting you, but more so, trying to understand your way of thinking...
Why, must there be a reason or a consequence that comes out later for the lack of the op's emotion? The OP is stating, that they feel guilty b/c society dictates to him/her that they must or else something must be wrong...??? I felt the same way as a child....my aunt passed away...we were not particularly close, and yet, I can remember, everyone talking about her when I was little. They talked about what a horrible person she was, and what a nut case she was....and then when she died OMG, they all went into the crying frenzy????? I couldn't cry and I felt awful, b/c I thought I was supposed to...
Sometimes, a person doesn't grieve, doesn't mean there is something wrong, or something will definately surface in the future...there is no reason why he or she isn't grieving, they just aren't....period, but we humans cannot accept that, there has got to be an underlying answer for everything, and sometimes there just isn't. It is what it is....and honestly and respectifully, by your post, your saying, this is very odd, this is wrong to feel like this...how can one person tell another person how to feel or if they're not feeling that, then it's going to rear its ugly head down the road.
If it's odd to tell another they are wrong about how they feel, then WHY ARE YOU DOING THE SAME THING??? Quite frankly, I do find it VERY odd to say you love someone and at one time close to them in life, and they pass and you don't show ANY emotion?? Yes. I feel that's odd. It's the WAY I FEEL. So why aere you judging me for doing EXACTLY what you're doing to me? Man.
If it's odd to tell another they are wrong about how they feel, then WHY ARE YOU DOING THE SAME THING??? Quite frankly, I do find it VERY odd to say you love someone and at one time close to them in life, and they pass and you don't show ANY emotion?? Yes. I feel that's odd. It's the WAY I FEEL. So why aere you judging me for doing EXACTLY what you're doing to me? Man.
No, it's not, I was trying to discuss it with you and understand your feelings...not say your wrong....you have a right to feel the way you feel...however, what I truly believe is, that we don't have the right to tell others they are wrong for they're feelings....and the reason I bought this up...is this
I get up very early in the morning...and start work very early, which means, I go to bed very early which is out of the ordinary for many people...it's just something I've done all my life....ok, so when people find out how early I get up, they go ballistick and act like its the oddest crazy thing....then I explain, which I should have to, "that all my life, I had animals that needed to be fed, and jobs to go to very early, that it just became "my" way of life. Well, then, that isn't acceptable, the next question is...."wull what time do you go to bed?" and when I tell them they laugh and laugh and make a face as if I'm the oddest most crazy person on the block? why? Because what I do with my life, is out of they're comfort zone and they are unable to view it as being just as normal as they're life is, b/c they go to bed late and rise later, they think everyone does....
So, if you wish to discuss futher, I'd really welcome your opinion and if not, that's ok to, but please understand, there is no judgment intended in the least, more a curiosity as to why you feel the way "You" feel. And it's ok to feel the way you do, as long as you don't expect everyone to feel that way or else something must be wrong...
and yes, the op loved his/her grandma, but perhaps has a relaxed and greater understanding with death then we do....
and please understand, in order to further discuss this, I'm not saying YOUR feelings about this is wrong, what I'm trying to stress is, "It's OK to feel the way you feel", however, you cannot expect others to feel the same way. Society makes us feel that way, due to expectations...of what they feel is right or wrong....do I make any sense?
Why I find your your emtions(or lack of in this case) odd, I don't condone it.
A person's emotions are their emotions.
They are not a subject for you to condone.
What is in my head is in my head. How do you condone what is in my head?
For some reason I find this rather insulting, that you feel that your the judge over what is allowed to be in my head.
Quote:
... I fear your penting your feelings up for whatever reason. It's a cycle and will eventually catch up with you, like your friend, it may manifest in something or someone else, but, you will catch your self and realize your actually grieving.
You may focus on any irrational fears that you wish to focus on.
It is not true that non-emotion is a cycle that would catch up with you. That is simply not the case in everyone.
... I just have a hard time with society trying to label everything that is beyond they're capability of understanding, meaning, just b/c you feel you must grieve, doesn't say everyone has to grieve.
I agree entirely.
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