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I already lost my father. That was hard enough. The holidays bring about all of these feelings of grief and loss for me, and it's kind of tough. We got the call the my aunt had passed and none of us could really believe it. My mothers health had not been faring well. I was thinking it, and I know others were too, just no one said it. They couldn't believe my aunt was the one and not my mother first, with the way she was doing. We didn't know yet that she had cancer.
It broke my heart for my grandmother watching her lose a child. Even though my aunt was around the age of sixty, we never want to out live our children. Next was my mothers oldest sister. Not long after, my mother lost her battle with cancer on Christmas Eve of the year 2000.
We knew someone had to tell my grandmother. My last surviving aunt, one of my brothers, and myself drove to where my grandmother was. She had been in the hospital pretty sick and was now in a nursing home for rehabilitation. It was decided my aunt would tell her that my mother died the night before.
I was the first one to walk through the door and the rest followed suit. I tried to smile but was trembling and my lip was quivering. My grandma reached her arms out to me for a hug and I hugged her as she pulled me in a bit closer and kissed my cheek, asking me what was the matter. Was my mother not behaving, she asked me.
I held her wrist in my hand as I placed a silver bracelet upon it. No one said a word. They all just stood their, motionless. I took a deep breath in and exhaled. I had to tell my grandmother that my mother dies the night before. I had been having a difficult time in the caring of my mother as the cancer had reached her bones and finally her brain. She was not herself, and was definitely no one I knew. She had gone to a time before I was born, talking of people I knew or had only heard of. She wanted me to make sure 'he' knew. Make sure to find him and tell him. She finally became comatose for the last two or three days of her life, and I let my brothers and sisters know this was it. That was two days before her passing and I let my grandma know she wasn't doing very well.
Just a few months later my grandmother passed. How did she do it? How did she see so much death and deal with it? I always knew she was a strong woman, but all the strength in the world could not bare this. In between then and now only one more uncle has passed. Two remain as well as one aunt.
My grandparents were the start of a huge family here. I hope to never need the strength she knew...
Never saw my father cry til the passing of my grand father and uncle. Til this very moment i cant express the emotion that was flowing within my body. The inevitable will happen, its a part of life but we have to be strong and try to celebrate the lives of those that are gone. Stay strong Pikantri. I can relate!!
Oh, you'll need that strength and you'll find it. As you age you lose people around you left, right and center. The first few are very hard to deal with, the ensuing ones are just as hard but the coping mechanism kicks in. The initial trauma of losing someone whatever your age and whatever their age is never lessened whatever the circumstances. The pain never goes away and there are always scars which can never be erased but scars do fade - thank goodness, otherwise every human being would be a total basket case.
Oh, you'll need that strength and you'll find it. As you age you lose people around you left, right and center. The first few are very hard to deal with, the ensuing ones are just as hard but the coping mechanism kicks in. The initial trauma of losing someone whatever your age and whatever their age is never lessened whatever the circumstances. The pain never goes away and there are always scars which can never be erased but scars do fade - thank goodness, otherwise every human being would be a total basket case.
I don't want to come across as one-upping anybody's grief but I can definitely identify the need for emotional strength in your post. I lost my 24 yo son to MI without prior history of heart disease while in preparation for these holiday celebrations. It's been awhile and the pain is gone because I've come to accept the things I cannot change and believe that when one door closes, another one opens.
I don't want to come across as one-upping anybody's grief but I can definitely identify the need for emotional strength in your post. I lost my 24 yo son to MI without prior history of heart disease while in preparation for these holiday celebrations. It's been awhile and the pain is gone because I've come to accept the things I cannot change and believe that when one door closes, another one opens.
Pikantari my friend...I can relate. Be strong!
I am so sorry Ans.... I have lost all of the people she has but the fact that they were her children. I've lost two children in-utero but it is not the same, I know.
During the end of October thru April I experience a period of grief. It came upon me a little late this year but it is here....
With Thanksgiving upon us we will be enjoying one anothers company and before long thoughts of those who have come and gone before us will linger in as we embrace one another in happiness as well as sadness.....
When we are adults (21&over)losing grandparents and parents is very painful but it is the natural order of things.To lose a child I could only imagine is a pain beyond all others...beyond even losing a spouse or sibling.How do people suffer such loss and go on??What is their alternative?Especially if they have other children...my friend lost her son and her life is really not the same,she has her daughter and her faith that oneday she will be reunited with her son which sustains her.I am sorry for your loss ans57...I gave birth to a stillborn baby girl when I was 24...that was 26 years and 2 children ago and it still left me changed forever!
My in-laws lost their son unexpectedly to a heart attack when he was only 43. Five years later we can still talk and cry over it. I guess they dealt with as I did... there was no choice.
But I still can't imagine the pain it caused them. Having a child go first is not the natural order.
When we are adults (21&over)losing grandparents and parents is very painful but it is the natural order of things.To lose a child I could only imagine is a pain beyond all others...beyond even losing a spouse or sibling.How do people suffer such loss and go on??What is their alternative?Especially if they have other children...my friend lost her son and her life is really not the same,she has her daughter and her faith that oneday she will be reunited with her son which sustains her.I am sorry for your loss ans57...I gave birth to a stillborn baby girl when I was 24...that was 26 years and 2 children ago and it still left me changed forever!
It numbed me at first that I couldn't even shed a tear...but then I was reminded of something "spiritual" that happened 2 years prior that kept me sane and finally accepting.
btw - I believe the pain we feel when losing loved ones is the same regardless of who...it's the "longing" that varied in my case.
Losing a child is not easy. I sure don't have the answer to how you get through it, I still have a struggle every time I hear the song "Please Remember Me" by Tim McGraw. That song was played at my son's funeral back in February of this year, and was chosen by his 11 year old daughter. All I can say is you have to live one day at a time. Having the love of friends sure does help... Those of you on C-D who are friends know who I mean...
Losing a child is not easy. I sure don't have the answer to how you get through it, I still have a struggle every time I hear the song "Please Remember Me" by Tim McGraw. That song was played at my son's funeral back in February of this year, and was chosen by his 11 year old daughter. All I can say is you have to live one day at a time. Having the love of friends sure does help... Those of you on C-D who are friends know who I mean...
"Tears in Heaven" (Eric Clapton) and the song I chose for my husband's service "Memories" (Kealii Reichel) still will break me.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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