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Old 08-16-2014, 04:30 AM
 
Location: Florida
18,290 posts, read 18,533,242 times
Reputation: 20965

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Not a great start on CityData, LongLance, to come on with a lecture on a forum for people that have lost a loved one.
If you want to continue in this vein, may I suggest you take this kind of thing to the Psychology board, for instance, on fact, moving your post there is what I'm going to suggest to a mod.
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Old 08-16-2014, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Portlandia "burbs"
10,236 posts, read 13,520,511 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat View Post
I fee like it makes the situation all about them, even if they aren't the primary person affected, and makes it harder for everyone to cope. I used to see it all the time when I worked as a vet tech. For example, a family came in to have their dog euthanized. The wife started screaming and literally rolling around on the floor...while her two young children huddled against the wall terrified of their own mother's behavior. I saw a woman literally throw her dead dog at the receptionist and start rolling on the floor in the waiting room (for some reason rolling is a popular thing to do when your pet dies).

Is this kind of behavior justified? Would you consider anyone who reacted this way mentally ill, and would that change your opinion of the behavior? I feel guilty for being so angry about this type of thing, but I honestly want to just grab the person and shake them until they stop. But maybe they really can't control it...in which case, can my anger be justified?
I, too, get this way at displays of histerics, and there is no excuse EVER for the examples you display here. And, yes, it might affect my opinion of that person.

I lost my teenage daughter to a fatal car wreck a long time ago and I can't ever remember behaving in a manner that would label me as 'hysterical'. In fact, there were times when people complimented me on my ability to continue on with life. I cried in silence every day for over a year but had no desire to bring attention to myself or take my grief out on other people and behave resentfully. That's just rude and there is nothing others can do.
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Old 08-16-2014, 12:22 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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I'm very glad to see people are searching threads before starting new ones.

old_cold, you beat me to it.
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Old 08-16-2014, 01:46 PM
 
Location: PANAMA
1,424 posts, read 1,006,375 times
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Hysteria is normal under certain conditions.

Problem is when people react without an apparent motive.

It could be stress or anything but when people react with panic attacks regularly or without apparent reason then that's an issue.
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Old 08-16-2014, 03:58 PM
 
7,497 posts, read 9,274,846 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LongLance View Post
When i witness people acting emotionally hysterical at funerals or at other things they do wish to have happened - often with intense anger, extreme sadness, wailing and carrying on, i see a person who has very limited abilty to be self-aware and self-regulating and very little concern about cultivating emotional intelligence. In fact, the intense expression of emotion is often based on denial of reality. I.e. Because i don't want this to happen, it should not have happened, in other words, the wourld should be only as I wish it to be.
This lack of emotional self-control in the human species drives us into all kinds of foolish behaviors and circumstances such as war, murder, theft to name a few. Currently the US Congress is almost completely ineffective because of a lack of emotion self-management. Cultivating the ability to think clearly, cultivate positive, self- other emotional responses and demonstrate responsibily for the way we contribute to those around us is difficult work. Extreme emotional reaction is part of our human condition and may lead our eventual self-destruction. As the Buddha implored seek moderation in all things, act with compassion and seek your own salvation within.
Are you friggin' serious? People are better off getting those feelings out then holding them in and having them come out at an even less appropriate time like at work or your kid's soccer practice. Have you ever actually lost somebody??? mod cut

Last edited by Sam I Am; 08-17-2014 at 05:48 AM..
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Old 08-16-2014, 04:01 PM
 
7,497 posts, read 9,274,846 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesmama View Post
I, too, get this way at displays of histerics, and there is no excuse EVER for the examples you display here. And, yes, it might affect my opinion of that person.

I lost my teenage daughter to a fatal car wreck a long time ago and I can't ever remember behaving in a manner that would label me as 'hysterical'. In fact, there were times when people complimented me on my ability to continue on with life. I cried in silence every day for over a year but had no desire to bring attention to myself or take my grief out on other people and behave resentfully. That's just rude and there is nothing others can do.
Just because you have such marvelous self-control of your grief doesn't mean everyone else does.
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Old 08-16-2014, 05:41 PM
 
Location: California
29,580 posts, read 31,907,081 times
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Temporary hysteria at times is perfectly natural. Ongoing hysteria requires intervention.
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Old 08-17-2014, 03:50 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
6,317 posts, read 4,437,543 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
All drama is contrived...hysteria is self indulgent..Most of those that get that way seem to be able to turn it on as well as off...I don't want to see someone toss themselves on a casket during a funeral..screaming..what do these types of public out bursts really show? I doubt very much if hysteria is practiced in private...it needs an audience to exist.

The only type of hysteria that really might exist is the real one...such as a problem during menopause..when woman go through a stage of panic...or when younger woman are PMSing..
Hysteria in males is never called for.
Are you people here freaking serious?! Judging the way someone grieves? Really? !

I appreciate that the OP acknowledges that it upsets her more on a parenting level than the actual grieving. I grew up w a mother who had Borderline Personality Disorder and a lot of "hysterical parenting" triggers me

i DO want to see people grieve or at least know that they are doing so in private. It's not healthy to suppress such emotions and will only prolong the healing process.

I am personally an extremely self concise person but I will tell you that when my cat was euthanized in my arms, i was wailing from 2 am when she had a clot until 9 am when I came home and I had to take an anti-anxiety medication that wasn't even mine just to make my crying stop. 7 hours of loud hard core crying. I don't remember stopping to think "maybe this is inapropriate" because it didn't matter. I could not have stopped myself if I tried.

Help those in mourning. Don't judge them. No one has the right and no one knows how they may react to sudden traumatic loss. The death of a loved one is often the most traumatic thing that will ever happen to us.
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Old 08-17-2014, 06:34 AM
 
436 posts, read 306,416 times
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I think there's a difference between doing so at a funeral - which isn't immediate - and maybe the moment when you find out. By the time the funeral rolls around, I think most people can tamp things down a bit.

I think it's healthy to let the emotions out - when I was a teen and very emotional about a lot of things, I used to cry in the shower, alone. There's a line from a song I like, too, - "I did all my crying in the pouring rain." There's a time and a place for feeling those emotions, but I don't think the funeral is the right place. So to whoever wrote that hysteria doesn't happen in private - BS. That's exactly where it happens for a lot of people.

Also, mourning is different in different cultures. In Irish culture, you're expected to have fun and drink at a funeral. In other cultures you're supposed to wail and moan and tear your clothes. Other places are somber and wearing black and that sort of thing. In "white America", I guess you're supposed to be respectful and a little subdued, but small talk is OK, and the mood shouldn't be too awful. (I guess, I haven't been to too many American funerals.) It all depends on the cultural expectations. I can see how someone raised within an emotional culture or family would carry those things with them into situations.
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Old 08-17-2014, 06:39 AM
 
436 posts, read 306,416 times
Reputation: 645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopian Slums View Post
I am personally an extremely self concise person but I will tell you that when my cat was euthanized in my arms, i was wailing from 2 am when she had a clot until 9 am when I came home and I had to take an anti-anxiety medication that wasn't even mine just to make my crying stop. 7 hours of loud hard core crying. I don't remember stopping to think "maybe this is inapropriate" because it didn't matter. I could not have stopped myself if I tried.

Help those in mourning. Don't judge them. No one has the right and no one knows how they may react to sudden traumatic loss. The death of a loved one is often the most traumatic thing that will ever happen to us

On my first day of high school, my cat suddenly had to be put down by animal control officers in front of me - he had a brain tumor and attacked my mom, out of the blue. I was in such utter shock at having witnessed that that I lost the ability to speak for several days. I just could.not.speak. I didn't cry or wail or anything, I just couldn't bring myself to say anything. The same thing happened, to a lesser extent, when I was in college and my fiancé (yeah, judge away, lol) left me out of the blue. Everything was fine one day, and the next he was gone. He was my best friend, I had trusted him, etc., and I had had no clue anything was wrong. I was devastated, and couldn't speak for about a day. People do mourn in different ways. Stuff can be traumatic. I agree that you should help people who are hurting, not judge them.
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