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Old 04-05-2012, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Southern California
3,115 posts, read 6,987,397 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat View Post
I think my resentment here is because I didn't bounce back as a child from witnessing these things,
But you weren't dealing with a random occurrence of grief - you were dealing with a mother who was a drama queen, and got hysterical, regularly. So of course you didn't bounce back, as easily - you were experiencing something much worse.

Someone who gets hysterical once, when something really horrific happens, cannot be placed in the same category as drama queens who make life miserable for everyone around them, on a regular basis. Just not the same thing at all.
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Old 04-05-2012, 04:38 PM
 
Location: PA
2,079 posts, read 1,719,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by todd00 View Post
A person might not ever think they will react the way they do in such a situation. When my mom told me my dad had died, I went nuts, I cried and screamed, I yelled at the neighbor and wanted to fight him. I was in shock. My mom on the other hand was very, very calm at first. Far different than I thought she would be. People do sometimes feel numb then later have an outburst of tears, emotion and anger. You may react entirely different than you think you will when a person close to you passes on. Are people that reacts to shock by getting extremely upset mentally unstable, of course not.
When my father got sick, I expected to be sad, but when my sister called to tell me he died, what I didn't expect was the overwhelming anger I felt as well. It really threw me for a loop. Now, I've managed to hold it together when my mother was really sick when I was younger (like in a coma for four days sick), when I had a sewing needle protruding out of my fingernail, when I had my belongings ruined and my car stolen in the same week, and so on. But this time, I just freaked. I truly have no idea why I reacted so strongly. No rolling on the floor, no throwing things, but so out of character for me. I don't think that makes me, or would make anyone less of a person. Interesting how life works sometimes, to say the least.
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Old 04-05-2012, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,589 posts, read 10,315,657 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SCGranny View Post


Yup.

We dealt with the hysterical types all of the time in EMS - used to call their 'affliction' "Lordicardia with a junctional Jesus" because the lament was generally the same - "OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhLordyJesusLordyJesusLordyJESUS !" Got an ear infection or Grandpa died, it was always the same; the hysteria to draw attention to the self and their grief. It was usually out of all proportion to the event, and often referred to by other, more calm and rational, family members as "There she goes again" or "She didn't even LIKE Grandpa!"

IMO, it is a selfish drama mechanism, nothing more. It is an purposeful avoidance of rationally and responsibly dealing with the vagaries of life; from a dog dying to a parent dying; it helps no one (not even the hysteriac) and is a selfish insistence that their grief is far far greater than anyone else's. Hysteriacs and drama queens don't have to be responsible children, responsible parents, or responsible caretakers; everyone else is forced to drop everything and take care of and cater to them, no matter what the real emergency may be. Meanwhile, the responsible person who actually fed, played with, and cared for the dog throughout its life, or the responsible child who actually changed Grandpa's dirty diapers and fed him his meals spoonful by spoonful, gets shoved into the background and ignored. Which is exactly the purpose of the hysteriac and their fits....

"Look at meeeeeee!"
So i am not being insensitive...you skillfully expanded on my view. thanks.
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Old 04-05-2012, 07:29 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,589 posts, read 10,315,657 times
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Christians who cry at funerals should be smacked...if you understand the faith...the deceased is not dead --and you insult the faith with this show of panic and disbelief...I like funerals..
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Old 04-05-2012, 07:49 PM
 
Location: Islip,NY
16,929 posts, read 19,666,757 times
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Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
Christians who cry at funerals should be smacked...if you understand the faith...the deceased is not dead --and you insult the faith with this show of panic and disbelief...I like funerals..
Really?? I guess then every time I have cried I should be smackedI have never heard such a response. Then I guess you have never been to an all Italian catholic funeral. They cry alot. and even hire mourners( well at least in the old days they did) So what do you suggest we do at a funeral???
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Old 04-05-2012, 10:29 PM
 
Location: Southern California
3,115 posts, read 6,987,397 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
Christians who cry at funerals should be smacked...if you understand the faith...the deceased is not dead --and you insult the faith with this show of panic and disbelief...I like funerals..
I think you're misunderstanding why most people cry at funerals. They cry and mourn because they will miss the person who has died. It doesn't matter if you believe in heaven and hell, or if you think live goes on, or just ends. No matter what you believe happens to the person who has passed on, they are no longer in YOUR life - and that is what most people mourn.
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Old 04-06-2012, 06:04 AM
 
Location: Islip,NY
16,929 posts, read 19,666,757 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bouncethelight View Post
I think you're misunderstanding why most people cry at funerals. They cry and mourn because they will miss the person who has died. It doesn't matter if you believe in heaven and hell, or if you think live goes on, or just ends. No matter what you believe happens to the person who has passed on, they are no longer in YOUR life - and that is what most people mourn.
This is very true, I was kind of offended at the OP's comment that christians who cry at funerals should be slapped. Who says that???
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Old 04-06-2012, 06:40 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,404,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lubby View Post
This is very true, I was kind of offended at the OP's comment that christians who cry at funerals should be slapped. Who says that???
Just to set the record straight--it was not the OP who said that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SCGranny View Post


Yup.

We dealt with the hysterical types all of the time in EMS - used to call their 'affliction' "Lordicardia with a junctional Jesus" because the lament was generally the same - "OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhLordyJesusLordyJesusLordyJESUS !" Got an ear infection or Grandpa died, it was always the same; the hysteria to draw attention to the self and their grief. It was usually out of all proportion to the event, and often referred to by other, more calm and rational, family members as "There she goes again" or "She didn't even LIKE Grandpa!"

IMO, it is a selfish drama mechanism, nothing more. It is an purposeful avoidance of rationally and responsibly dealing with the vagaries of life; from a dog dying to a parent dying; it helps no one (not even the hysteriac) and is a selfish insistence that their grief is far far greater than anyone else's. Hysteriacs and drama queens don't have to be responsible children, responsible parents, or responsible caretakers; everyone else is forced to drop everything and take care of and cater to them, no matter what the real emergency may be. Meanwhile, the responsible person who actually fed, played with, and cared for the dog throughout its life, or the responsible child who actually changed Grandpa's dirty diapers and fed him his meals spoonful by spoonful, gets shoved into the background and ignored. Which is exactly the purpose of the hysteriac and their fits....

"Look at meeeeeee!"
Yep I know the type--the histrionic personality disorders that can't have any attention going to anyone but themselves. And I don't have a HPD but I have been known to get hysterical from time to time, though I usually try to do it in private. Being premenopausal, it's actually getting more and not less frequent, but the way it happens is that I will be under an extreme amount of prolonged stress and then overindulge in sugar and then something really bad will happen and I'm still calm and then something small will happen and I'll fall apart.

An example is last year after my grandmother died. I adored my g-ma and I was closer to her than any other relative except my kids. I had been under a lot of stress for the previous 2 years but had held it together for the most part. I went down to stay at her house with my mother and aunt, who were both losing it mentally and was now very concerned about what we should do about my mother b/c she was going to be staying by herself now and I was not comfortable with that but I could not talk her into coming to live with me and I was noticing that she was going downhill. Hardly anyone could get to the funeral due to icestorms so I ended up eating too much of the funeral food and besides I'm a stress eater. Way too much sugar. And then on the last day after the funeral I got stopped for speeding and just fell apart and began crying hysterically and I was so embarrassed and could not stop it once it started! I'm sure the cop thought I was trying to get out of a ticket and then it was a woman cop besides. I was not though--it was just the straw that broke the camels back.

One thing that I've noticed with prolonged stress is that I have a little less stamina after each bad thing that happens. It all started when my ex dropped the bomb and at that time I was so calm it was scary and then shortly after that I got knifed at school and my coworkers could not believe that I was not hysterical but I saw no reason I should be as I was not hurt badly. Now if it happened I don't know how I would react. I'm just trying to stay in and stay calm these days and heal my soul. And I'm not eating sugar!
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:56 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,196 posts, read 50,480,930 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat View Post
I was watching the movie 'My Sister's Keeper' the other day with my mother. In the movie, one of the daughters is dying and the mother reacts by basically becoming hysterical...yelling, trying to control every detail of the family's life, completely losing it when the daughter makes various decisions about her own life, etc.

My mother made the comment that this behavior was okay 'because she's not in her right mind'. This is the same excuse she uses to justify her own hysterical behavior when emergencies happen.

I actually get angry when people display this kind of behavior and then brush it off without even apologizing. I feel like it makes the situation all about them, even if they aren't the primary person affected, and makes it harder for everyone to cope. I used to see it all the time when I worked as a vet tech. For example, a family came in to have their dog euthanized. The wife started screaming and literally rolling around on the floor...while her two young children huddled against the wall terrified of their own mother's behavior. I saw a woman literally throw her dead dog at the receptionist and start rolling on the floor in the waiting room (for some reason rolling is a popular thing to do when your pet dies).

Is this kind of behavior justified? Would you consider anyone who reacted this way mentally ill, and would that change your opinion of the behavior? I feel guilty for being so angry about this type of thing, but I honestly want to just grab the person and shake them until they stop. But maybe they really can't control it...in which case, can my anger be justified?
I'm glad you said this, because I am the same way. Especially with women who SCREAM. Even when I see it on TV, it bugs the heck out of me.

Not a big mystery--I know it's a reaction to having a mother who loved to play drama queen. No one else in the house was allowed to demonstrate emotions too much emotion, or we were feeling sorry for ourselves, or being overly sensitive. But she would throw the back of her hand to her forehead, run down the hall, and fling herself on her bed, sobbing, to get attention at the least little thing. I swear she grew up watching too many 1940's movies.

A friend of mine used to work as a greeter in a funeral parlor. He used to see a lot of the same drama you saw in the vet office. Women throwing themselves on the body of their husband in the casket. YUCK. Get a grip on yourself, and have some dignity.

However, I really noticed my intolerance on September 11, 2001. As most of you know, I was in the north tower when AA11 slammed into us. We had made it down--I was almost out. We'd emerged from the stairwell onto the mezzanine--a sort of balcony area that ran around and above the lobby. There was a line of people stretched from the stairwell to a door leading out to a side arm of the Plaza (area in the center of the complex). A few minutes earlier, around the 4th floor, we'd heard a huge explosion and felt the building shake and everyone held their breath for a moment and then proceeded. Later, I realized this was the second plane hitting Two. But right now, I didn't know why the line of people had stopped and no one was moving out the door, and I just wanted to get the hell out of that building.

I grabbed my friend's hand and ran around the line of stopped people and went out the door, and as soon as I stepped out, there are two women SCREAMING, just SCREAMING at the top of their lungs, no words, just screams. I turned to my friend and said, "Do they HAVE to scream like that?" I was then distracted by the site of a poor little bird dying on the concrete, quivering. I can see it clear as day--brown bird with tealish-colors on its underside. I felt so bad for this bird (I would see a lot more dead birds shortly after.) Then my friend said, "Oh...look at the Plaza." The Plaza was covered with all kinds of stuff, including burning airplane parts, fabric, luggage, pieces of human beings...

And that's why the women were screaming. Later I realized they must have just seen the second plane hit, and felt a little bad at my reaction. But man, don't stand there and scream in a situation like this. RUN. You can have your meltdown later, when you are safe.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:59 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,196 posts, read 50,480,930 times
Reputation: 60090
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
Christians who cry at funerals should be smacked...if you understand the faith...the deceased is not dead --and you insult the faith with this show of panic and disbelief...I like funerals..
Having a Christian faith doesn't mean you aren't SAD when someone you loved is gone.

Jesus wept when Lazarus died, didn't he?
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