Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Grief is a very personal emotion. It's been my opinion for years that those who have to lay on the deceased, cry, scream and yell at a wake orthe ones with the most remorse, they did'nt visit enough, or feel like they've done enough, period, for whatever reasons...
Guilt sometimes comes out in the form of grief, anyone agree?
Yes, among other things.
My town had a large minority of Sicilian origin, and their wakes sometimes turned into quite unbelievable "shows." The most unforgettable was when the father of one of my classmates died unexpectedly in middle age.
His wife, a largish woman, was was a one-woman opera of grief throughout the proceedings. She achieved immortality in local village history on the last night. Sam, her husband had been a well-known, cheating womanizer. His widow, seized upon the moment when the lid was to be closed on the casket as her opportunity to put an end to all those stories.
As the lid was about to be lowered by the undertaker, Sam's widow hurled herseld on the corpse and clutching his crotch in one hand shrieked, "He was mine, all mine!!!" And as she tugged and pulled at Sam's corpse the catafalque began to sway under her weight and the undertaker and his assistants had to physically drag her off of poor Sam, and pry her hand from his gonads.
This remains the greatest piece of theatre I have ever seen.
My town had a large minority of Sicilian origin, and their wakes sometimes turned into quite unbelievable "shows." The most unforgettable was when the father of one of my classmates died unexpectedly in middle age.
His wife, a largish woman, was was a one-woman opera of grief throughout the proceedings. She achieved immortality in local village history on the last night. Sam, her husband had been a well-known, cheating womanizer. His widow, seized upon the moment when the lid was to be closed on the casket as her opportunity to put an end to all those stories.
As the lid was about to be lowered by the undertaker, Sam's widow hurled herseld on the corpse and clutching his crotch in one hand shrieked, "He was mine, all mine!!!" And as she tugged and pulled at Sam's corpse the catafalque began to sway under her weight and the undertaker and his assistants had to physically drag her off of poor Sam, and pry her hand from his gonads.
This remains the greatest piece of theatre I have ever seen.
I stopped reading your first post after the smart bits about people's reactions to losing a pet. I've taken in strays for many years and seen some real pieces of work at the vets offices. I'm talking about the employees now. Do I roll around on the floor? NO, am I very upset yes. I'm not gonna judge that person that lost a beloved pet by saying rude things about their way of grieving over the shock of the loss of a dear friend. This person might have grown up with this dog, had this dog longer than their child, it may also have significance to a time spent with a loved one that has passed on. You have no idea at all what else might be going on in this person's life so stop being so bloody judgemental of people for how they happen to react to the death of a 4 legged friend. I particularly found the rolling around on the floor part of your post mocking of all that have been through losing a pet. It's insensitive, insulting, and uncalled. And by the way, I have a dog dying of cancer now.
People react differently to the shock of death, some are very calm at first and when the reality sets in they cry, scream and carry on. There is quite a bit written about the various stages of grieving, but everything I've ever read states that everyone is different and you can expect many emotions. A person might not ever think they will react the way they do in such a situation. When my mom told me my dad had died, I went nuts, I cried and screamed, I yelled at the neighbor and wanted to fight him. I was in shock. My mom on the other hand was very, very calm at first. Far different than I thought she would be. People do sometimes feel numb then later have an outburst of tears, emotion and anger. You may react entirely different than you think you will when a person close to you passes on. Are people that reacts to shock by getting extremely upset mentally unstable, of course not.
As far as your concerns with your mom, chances are you are not gonna change how she reacts to things. If you have problems with this aspect of her personality, talk to her about it or talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist about your reactions to it.
I know this post is very, very old, but I wanted to chime in with a personal experience of mine.
I had to have my dog put down in December of 2012, exactly a week before Christmas eve. We'd been trying for a month to get him well, but he just kept getting sicker. From late October to that day it was constant back and forth to the vet with my poor, dear Bernie. He got to a point where fluid was building in his chest and squeezing his lungs from the outside. The choice we were left with was to drain it and give him a few days or put him down and end it quickly. My mom and I chose to put him down to end it quickly because we loved him. I had no inkling my dog would die until the word euthanasia came out of the vet tech's mouth.
My mom had to use a phone(we don't have cell phones) to inform my dad of what we had to do and the vet tech went to show her the phone. I was alone in the exam room. I took off my jacket, wadded it up and screamed into it like a pillow. I screamed and cried into my jacket for a few minutes. Then when they brought Bernie in, I managed to stop and say my goodbyes. When the vet actually gave him the final shot of the purple stuff, I calmly sang "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" to my beloved dog as he died.
A few minutes after he passed, I started sobbing uncontrollably again while my mom hugged me. I kept screaming "WHY? WHY? WHY?" because we don't and will never know what led to my dog's month long deterioration and death. I'm sure my immediate reaction would have been different if the death was expected, but it wasn't.
Then I shut off my grief because I had to act happy during Midnight Mass with the rest of my choir. I remember being angry on new years and from January until March I was in an awful state of depression. I'm terrified my ability to enjoy the Christmas season is ruined by this. It happened right in the middle of the annual cookie baking that goes on in my house. That smell was once I associated with joy and now I fear I'll associate it with death. I hope I'm proven wrong when that time of the year gets here in a few months.
I still miss my dog and I still hate that I don't know why he had to die at such a young age.
I remember going through grief, and a stupid caller called me about sales or something. I went crazy, screaming, cursing. I was pretty unglued for a few weeks. I had a zero to 100 temper, I was in such a rage about the unfairness of life, and my pain. Good thing I did not get in any bar fights...
So, no hysteria is not okay, but it can be difficult to control.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,571,496 times
Reputation: 8044
I was more see-saw with hysteria. Sometimes I had the patience of Job, other times, everything set me off. I felt off balance as I'd go from ups to downs, from joy to heartbreak, patience to anger, almost like extreme PMS. My doctor put me on Prozac for about 3 months, and I settled down after a year or so and smoothed out, but the hurt, lonliness and emptyness are still raw.
We're all different. I tend to be on the quiet and reserved side. (In public.)... Don't want to bother anyone or draw attention to myself.. I wait until I'm alone to express my emotions in "big ways."...I've been helping a friend with her "rescue cats" lately and my friend can be very loud and "reactive." She's from Italy and grew-up in a very "expressive" family...I'm sure she wonders about me because I tend to be "low-key." (Not "overly-reactive.").. Guess I try to keep a "clear head" or ?? Sometimes it's hard to "think straight" when my emotions get the "best" of me.
Oh I can sooo relate, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's experienced this. My grandmother recently died and I had to arrange the funeral because my mother went off into a screaming hysteric sobbing meltdown for a week. Things came to a head when she rang me up at work the day before the funeral because she didn't like one of the hymns I'd chosen. I made the mistake of putting her on speakerphone because I literally had my hands full at the time, and she proceeded to call me every name under the sun because she knew my coworkers could hear (like "*****" "it should have been you that died not her" - really horrible stuff). So not only did she humiliate me in front of my colleagues, called me terrible names that I will never forgive her for, on top of that I had to deal with her hysterics as well as my own grief, then when she was confronted about it afterwards her response was an offhand "Oh well, I was hysterical, I can't control it." No apology, nothing, nada. She has permanently damaged our relationship and I don't think I'll ever forgive her for it.
When i witness people acting emotionally hysterical at funerals or at other things they do wish to have happened - often with intense anger, extreme sadness, wailing and carrying on, i see a person who has very limited abilty to be self-aware and self-regulating and very little concern about cultivating emotional intelligence. In fact, the intense expression of emotion is often based on denial of reality. I.e. Because i don't want this to happen, it should not have happened, in other words, the wourld should be only as I wish it to be.
This lack of emotional self-control in the human species drives us into all kinds of foolish behaviors and circumstances such as war, murder, theft to name a few. Currently the US Congress is almost completely ineffective because of a lack of emotion self-management. Cultivating the ability to think clearly, cultivate positive, self- other emotional responses and demonstrate responsibily for the way we contribute to those around us is difficult work. Extreme emotional reaction is part of our human condition and may lead our eventual self-destruction. As the Buddha implored seek moderation in all things, act with compassion and seek your own salvation within.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hysteria is simply a lack of self control
