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Old 04-25-2012, 10:09 AM
 
Location: WA
397 posts, read 221,969 times
Reputation: 1751

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41 years, 6 months God bless us with a wonderful union till he went home to Heaven in February. March attended a Grief and Bereavement Program
given by Volunteer Hospice, pleased with the program, lots of assistance.

Your experience please as you begin, your new life as a single person. Know it's One Day at a Time, wait a year before making decisions, take care of myself.

Thank you for sharing; the folks on the Forum, for me, have been most caring and helpful.
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Old 04-25-2012, 12:11 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW / CO / SA TX / Thailand
11,278 posts, read 18,945,577 times
Reputation: 8141
preface (HAVE NOT Been there YET, support many who have, very old to very young)

You have made some great and very important first steps. I would suggest:

Continue and seek a long term bereavement program based on your needs / feelings. (typically look to church or hospital / hospice)
Pursue some recreational relationship opportunities (clubs / classes / volunteer groups)
Get into a position where you are helping others (can be grief or something totally different, but focus on what you can do to make life better for others)
Feel free to step out and try some new things.
Travel with a good friend (short trips to start)
For safety and hospitality, consider Guest Home travel (Many hosts I stay with have lost spouses, I have 'stayed on' to help them though crisis' and address needs).

Journal (you will be surprised at your own growth)
Read

Partake of fun (I like radio drama, and chamber music concerts.
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Old 04-27-2012, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
8,421 posts, read 14,348,484 times
Reputation: 10649
I was only married for 38 years, you beat me on that one.

I feel like my whole life started over. I get to reinvent myself and be just me after decades of being an 'us'. I figured I could spend the rest of my life grieving or I could get out there and enjoy all the time I have left. I picked the fun option.

Of course I still miss him but as time passes, it gets better. If I could have changed it, I would have but it wasn't up to me. I do get to chose what the rest of my life will be.

I loved my H but our marriage was not perfect by any means. I know he loved me too. I will always have the memories of all our fun times. One of the things I miss the most is having no one to share those memories with anymore.
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Old 04-27-2012, 05:35 PM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
723 posts, read 478,953 times
Reputation: 592
We were married for 53 1/2 years when while holding her hand she said she was going to take a nap while I emptied the clothes drier. Ten minutes later I couldn't detect a heart beat. I called hospice, they are the best of all the healthcare system. IMO

We were married 40 years when she was told she was going to die from cancer. She never had any pain from the cancer. I would take her to her chemo/radiation treatments, have dinner on the way home and most often she would walk our circle drive (1 mile) before retiring for the night.

She continually got weaker during the 13 1/2 years of treatments. She was in remission twice. The doctor said she needed to take her chemo in the hospital instead of the women's clinic so after the first treatment there she had such a reaction, she said she thought the chemo was killing her faster than the cancer was, to check her out and take her home. That was July, we called hospice and she lasted until the next January.

I thought I was prepared after thinking about it for 13 years, I wasn't and still think I see or hear her in the house. It's been 4 years now and I am still taking it a day at a time.
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Old 04-27-2012, 06:18 PM
 
919 posts, read 734,342 times
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I was widowed while still in my 30s. I think that was probably easier in some ways.

People who didn't know me assumed I was divorced and I never bothered to explain. What do I care what they think? I was also busy raising our children. While my social life became limited to school events and work, it's been a good life. We had a good marriage, too. Never even tempted to remarry.

Now that I'm nearing retirement, I'm content with the choices I made. Not always happy with the challenges of life, but, hey... that's life!
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Old 04-27-2012, 07:14 PM
 
Location: delaware
540 posts, read 380,857 times
Reputation: 1329
i was widowed after 36 years of marriage; although i have" gone on with my life" , been involved in a committed relationship for nine years, retired, began another quasi career, and have as much of a social life with friends as i choose, i will always miss my husband and wish we could have grown old together. we knew each other as children and he knew me better and longer than anyone in my life. i miss having someone to share those many years of memories,
i met the current significant other fairly soon after my husband's death, and i feel fortunate to have him in my life. however i don't really have any desire to marry again. i would say that externally, to most people, i seem to have a good life and have made my life work, in some ways that are surprising, especialy to me. i have, i feel, taken some risks that i may not have taken if i were still with my husband. internally, i think about the past frequently and sometimes- less so now- allow myself to think"what if?" these days, i write often about the past and do most of my ruminating through the written word.
but loss changes you. my approach to life has usually been therapeutic, and i feel that dealing with loss as well as healing is a process; there is no time table. most days, i would say that i'm still on journey.

catsy girl
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Old 04-27-2012, 08:05 PM
 
Location: Cody, WY
5,072 posts, read 4,142,100 times
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My wife died after forty-two years and twenty days of marriage. As far as I'm concerned we're still married and I await the day when we'll be together again.

Several times when I've been thinking of her I've received information that I couldn't have known. She's there. I often think of what she would do in a situation.

I'm not trying to let go and move on. I'll stay right where I am.
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Old 04-27-2012, 10:06 PM
 
52 posts, read 44,815 times
Reputation: 108
Happy in Wyoming, Those really are beautiful words, not many out there that feel that way. To stay in love, forever. Somehow in my heart, I feel that they come back in speak to us in many ways...my sisters husband went to the boat to take a nap while she was working, he never woke up. She was so traumatized running up and down the docks in wintertime, screaming to try and get help. I really think he made the conscious decision that day, that he had enough with his health. They had their arguements and reality but he was her soul mate for sure. He is in her heart every day, even though she has remarried, it is just not the same.
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Old 04-28-2012, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Texas
39 posts, read 47,081 times
Reputation: 80
Default Widowed almost 2 years

We were married 35 yrs. and had just taken early retirement and moved to a new city when I lost him. At first the loneliness was hard to deal with but is getting better and I kind of like living alone.

I lost interest in my hobbies and can't seem to be able to focus on them. On the other hand my Mom's hobbies helped her with the loss of my Dad. He passed away just before my husband did.

Financially I felt like I needed to go back to work and was lucky enough to find a good job. But I feel overwhelmed with working and dealing with house/yard issues and not have my husband to bounce ideas off of.

I attend a weekly grief support group and get a lot of great information from them.

We all seem to grieve in a different way. At first I couldn't leave my house and another widow I know couldn't stand to be in her house. One thing a lot of widows do agree on is how important it is to find a good handyman - just someone you can trust to help with projects around the house.

I'm really sorry for all who are going through this journey. I sure didn't know how difficult it would be.
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Old 04-28-2012, 07:47 PM
 
52 posts, read 44,815 times
Reputation: 108
Maybe if you do go back to work it will help. Finding people to get involved with, keeping yourself busy.

I know that it helped my sister a lot, she kind of threw herself into everything she could and was able ever so slowly to come out of her shell.

We just bought a home in NC, the woman we bought it from had the same situation, she and her husband retired and moved from NY to NC, they were only in our house (brand new) for 2 weeks when he had a heart attack and died...so very sad, something to be said for enjoying every day and not waiting for "tomorrow" sometimes tomorrow does not come...

I hope you will find happy days ahead.
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