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I am 55 and I have three kids in their 20s. ALL of my kids have said and done things that I know they would regret if I died. But I know 100% that they all love me and would be devastated if I died. And I would NOT want them to feel guilty about anything they have said or done. That's all just part of life. We ALL say and do things that we wouldn't say or do if we were looking at the big picture. That's just part of being human. My dad died two years ago and I, too, have things I wish I had said or not said, done or not done. I know if he could talk to me he would tell me those things don't matter. I know my dad wouldn't want me to feel bad about anything and I know that he knew I loved him. Your mother would tell you the same thing.
Its called mourning. You remember the good times you cry because theyre not there anymore and each day it gets a little easier. What you dont do is adopt an "OMG I cant live anymore woe is me" attitude. It will always seem like it just happened. My Dad died almost 7 years ago but it seems like it happened just recently. That doesnt mean that Ive not gotten over it but rather ive kept my dad in my heart. Your Mother would want you to live and be happy not go into depression because of her passing. So go out with some friends, go shopping, see a movie, whatever you have to do to stay occupied. Being alone with your thoughts is the last thing you want to do.
as for any arguments etc that you had between the 2 of you thats water under the bridge. She's your Mother. She forgave you the moment you said it.
I think it would be very helpful to talk to others going through similar circumstances. Where I live there is a list of meetings and support groups for grief and loss as well as various other type support groups...ours is usually in the Sunday paper. You could check out a couple, see which one you feel most comfortable going to....you will eventually share your story along w/ listening to others. It is a wonderful benefit sharing and listening and offering support to others. All knowledge is comparison...I myself have used support groups in my younger years...I was an abused wife. I cannot tell you how much it meant to hear someone else share their story....not that abuse compares to your situation...but the act of sharing enriches us, makes us stronger simply knowing that someone else understands...eventually we share too...which also helps someone else.
I really hope it has helped you having some of us encourage you, and we really want you to be able share your feelings,l your loss, which is the only way to heal...to be able to work through grief, which takes as long as it takes....no time limits..
I have 4 Son's, all different personalities, one gay, one shy, one extroverted, one extroverted & disabled. My point is, they are all different, some are easier to be around more than others...people are just different. A Mom loves each child whole heartedly...it doesn't matter if there has been a falling out...these things do not rule a mothers heart. I am gonna speak from a Mother to a Son...Be at peace....Be the best that you can be at all times, we all have sad times, happy times...it is the nature of life. "A Mother is only as happy as her saddest child "(unknown). Your Mother, as others have said, would not want you to be sad because of anything you did or did not do....You have nothing to feel guilty for. I am happy for you that you got the job that your Mom has probably hoped you'd get. I will also share that I sometimes talk out loud to my Mom or my Grand Mother....who I was especially close to. That may seem wierd to some, but it comforts me. Maybe write your Mom a letter, telling her what you wanted to say. It will help..Or just say it to her out loud when you are reflecting. Please test out a support group, or visit the grief and loss online sites on the web...it is good to share your feelings and sometimes easier w/ strangers. I hope you will continue to update us...We do care and wish you well.
My stepson told me just last week that he was so sorry for all the things that happened between him and his Dad who has been gone 9 years. Did it mean that my DH loved him any less, absolutely not, I know because I was there, does it mean he wished that things were different of course but it is a learning process. My SS has learned to appreciate those that are still here more. We all use to sail on our Hobie Cat and I told him his Dad was up there sailing along the clouds smiling down on him.
As others have stated.. There are always things we wish we could take back or do over but we can not. We just have to learn from it.
You are grieving but I agree if you feel overwhelmed you need to find a professional to talk to. Hospice offers a grief program that may help you
My mother passed on February 2nd and I have been living in a personal hell ever since.
My mother was a great mom. My parents were older when they had me. My mom was 67 when she passed and I'm 26. Even when she was diagnosed with multiple illnesses she still stayed strong. She gave me an excellent childhood and I can remember all the good times we had but it's the bad times that are absolutely killing me.
I just can't stop thinking about the times she just wanted to talk to me and I just kinda nudged it off and wouldn't take the time to talk to her. The times I talked back to her when it wasn't necessary. The times I got ill with her trying to show her how to do something on the computer.
I just don't know what to do about this. It hits me at random times. I've been sitting at a restaurant at lunch a couple times and I would think about it and I would have to keep myself from breaking down. If I could sell my soul to the devil himself just for a few minutes to tell my mother how sorry I was, I would.
Your mother knows how you feel and I am sure she holds no grudges so please don't think this way. I'm a Mum too and have been given a death sentance of just a few months. My husband and grown up kids are going through hell at the moment. I want desperately to take their hurt away, it is killing me knowing what they are going through and I can't make it better I would suffer anything if I could just make it easier for them, every mother feels this way. Your Mum loved you and still does. Please always remember that.
My mother passed on February 2nd and I have been living in a personal hell ever since.
My mother was a great mom. My parents were older when they had me. My mom was 67 when she passed and I'm 26. Even when she was diagnosed with multiple illnesses she still stayed strong. She gave me an excellent childhood and I can remember all the good times we had but it's the bad times that are absolutely killing me.
I just can't stop thinking about the times she just wanted to talk to me and I just kinda nudged it off and wouldn't take the time to talk to her. The times I talked back to her when it wasn't necessary. The times I got ill with her trying to show her how to do something on the computer.
I just don't know what to do about this. It hits me at random times. I've been sitting at a restaurant at lunch a couple times and I would think about it and I would have to keep myself from breaking down. If I could sell my soul to the devil himself just for a few minutes to tell my mother how sorry I was, I would.
Sorry about your loss my man. Your situation sounds similar to what my uncle went through when my grandmother died. He was the youngest of the 6 kids and often very mean towards his mother and father. He still belittles his father to this day.
But when my grandmother died, he didn't come out of his house for about a month and just cried the whole time because of how he treated his mother when she was alive. It's crazy how you really don't know what you have until it's gone.
But understand this: your mother loved you no matter what and even though there were instances where you and your mother didn't get along or had a rough time, all mothers and sons go through this. There is no perfect parent-child relationship.
When you become a parent, you know that you will always love your children unconditionally. They are a part of you and you will never wish anything bad upon them. That's how your mother felt towards you. I believe she was probably a smart enough woman to know that the age gap between you two was why you would give her a hard time about her not getting the computer stuff.
At the end of the day man, she loved you no matter what and she's looking down on you hoping you see that those small, earthly mistakes are just that. She loves you and she knows you love her.
Your mother knows how you feel and I am sure she holds no grudges so please don't think this way. I'm a Mum too and have been given a death sentance of just a few months. My husband and grown up kids are going through hell at the moment. I want desperately to take their hurt away, it is killing me knowing what they are going through and I can't make it better I would suffer anything if I could just make it easier for them, every mother feels this way. Your Mum loved you and still does. Please always remember that.
Oh Quenelle.. what a wonderful post showing that mothers always try to protect their children
I can't thank everyone enough for the replies. Just having people acknowledge you and your problem helps a lot. There is a lot of great people on this board and I am sincerely appreciative.
Me and my dad put a down payment on a Doberman pup this past weekend and pick him up in a couple of weeks. I think the puppy will bring some life back into the house and put some life back into us as well.
My mother passed on February 2nd and I have been living in a personal hell ever since.
My mother was a great mom. My parents were older when they had me. My mom was 67 when she passed and I'm 26. Even when she was diagnosed with multiple illnesses she still stayed strong. She gave me an excellent childhood and I can remember all the good times we had but it's the bad times that are absolutely killing me.
I just can't stop thinking about the times she just wanted to talk to me and I just kinda nudged it off and wouldn't take the time to talk to her. The times I talked back to her when it wasn't necessary. The times I got ill with her trying to show her how to do something on the computer.
I just don't know what to do about this. It hits me at random times. I've been sitting at a restaurant at lunch a couple times and I would think about it and I would have to keep myself from breaking down. If I could sell my soul to the devil himself just for a few minutes to tell my mother how sorry I was, I would.
So go to the cemetary and tell her. Get it out of your system. Make your apologies. You are guilty of nothing most other children do to their parents. There is no doubt your mother loved you just as you are and would rather you remember the happy times you had together rather than regretting that which is now out of your control. Now that you recognize how precious time with one's parents truly is you won't make those same mistakes moving forward with your father.
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I would suffer anything if I could just make it easier for them, every mother feels this way. Your Mum loved you and still does. Please always remember that.
