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Old 05-22-2012, 12:46 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,077 posts, read 3,051,943 times
Reputation: 881

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Last edited by gman6974; 05-22-2012 at 01:04 PM..
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Old 05-22-2012, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Way up high
14,072 posts, read 20,099,608 times
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I'm sorry to hear about your loss but I can guarantee you that your mom wasn't dwelling on those "bad" times before her passing.

If you live your life as the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" mentality, you'll never be happy
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Old 05-22-2012, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,895,906 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pentatonic View Post
My mother passed on February 2nd and I have been living in a personal hell ever since.

My mother was a great mom. My parents were older when they had me. My mom was 67 when she passed and I'm 26. Even when she was diagnosed with multiple illnesses she still stayed strong. She gave me an excellent childhood and I can remember all the good times we had but it's the bad times that are absolutely killing me.

I just can't stop thinking about the times she just wanted to talk to me and I just kinda nudged it off and wouldn't take the time to talk to her. The times I talked back to her when it wasn't necessary. The times I got ill with her trying to show her how to do something on the computer.

I just don't know what to do about this. It hits me at random times. I've been sitting at a restaurant at lunch a couple times and I would think about it and I would have to keep myself from breaking down. If I could sell my soul to the devil himself just for a few minutes to tell my mother how sorry I was, I would.

Honey, quit torturing yourself! Your mom knows how sorry you are, she really does.

And believe me, you are robbing her of her joy now by beating yourself up so much.

You are young, you have learned a very valuable lesson about the importance of treating those you love with patience, kindness and care.

Now that you know better, you will do better going forward. THAT is what will make your mom proud okay?

You are grieving deeply, which is completely natural and understandable. Just be good to yourself and give yourself time. The loss does get easier to bear in time. You just hang in there and take comfort from the fact your mom is still watching over you.
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Old 05-22-2012, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Philaburbia
31,153 posts, read 57,160,877 times
Reputation: 51994
Please don't beat yourself up. You mom knows you love her. She knows you're sorry for the times you exchanged harsh words or were impatient with her. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship when you think of her.

Quote:
It hits me at random times. I've been sitting at a restaurant at lunch a couple times and I would think about it and I would have to keep myself from breaking down.
This is normal when you're grieving. There's no schedule about when it will happen, but it will get better. You'll always miss your mom, but her being gone will gradually become easier to live with.

My best to you. Be good to yourself.
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Old 05-22-2012, 05:53 PM
 
568 posts, read 815,033 times
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I sincerely thank everyone who has replied. It's just really hard right now. I know it's not productive at all to think about it but sometimes I just can't control my mind it seems like.

I'm not the type of person to talk about my feelings. Especially to my friends(I'm a guy by the way). I would end up breaking down and I don't want them to see that. I guess it is going to take time but it just hits like a ton of bricks sometimes.

I just hope I can feel good about myself again one day. The damnest thing is I use to complain about my job to my mom all the time. I was really disliking my job at the time. I had been there 7.5 years and had no benefit package nor vacation. A month after my mom passed, I got a great job working for a credible company in IT. Wish I could have told her about it. Hope she knows.
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:12 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,895,906 times
Reputation: 39662
Quote:
Originally Posted by pentatonic View Post
I sincerely thank everyone who has replied. It's just really hard right now. I know it's not productive at all to think about it but sometimes I just can't control my mind it seems like.

I'm not the type of person to talk about my feelings. Especially to my friends(I'm a guy by the way). I would end up breaking down and I don't want them to see that. I guess it is going to take time but it just hits like a ton of bricks sometimes.

I just hope I can feel good about myself again one day. The damnest thing is I use to complain about my job to my mom all the time. I was really disliking my job at the time. I had been there 7.5 years and had no benefit package nor vacation. A month after my mom passed, I got a great job working for a credible company in IT. Wish I could have told her about it. Hope she knows.
I feel absolutely certain she does

Talk to her, it might really help you to unburden yourself okay?

You are so young to have lost your mom, and I'm very sorry for your suffering.

Just give yourself time and take comfort in feeling her still around you.
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:30 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,085,723 times
Reputation: 1026
Quote:
Originally Posted by pentatonic View Post
My mother passed on February 2nd and I have been living in a personal hell ever since.

My mother was a great mom. My parents were older when they had me. My mom was 67 when she passed and I'm 26. Even when she was diagnosed with multiple illnesses she still stayed strong. She gave me an excellent childhood and I can remember all the good times we had but it's the bad times that are absolutely killing me.

I just can't stop thinking about the times she just wanted to talk to me and I just kinda nudged it off and wouldn't take the time to talk to her. The times I talked back to her when it wasn't necessary. The times I got ill with her trying to show her how to do something on the computer.

I just don't know what to do about this. It hits me at random times. I've been sitting at a restaurant at lunch a couple times and I would think about it and I would have to keep myself from breaking down. If I could sell my soul to the devil himself just for a few minutes to tell my mother how sorry I was, I would.
Mother's know.
We may get our feeling hurt sometimes, but we understand that at certain ages our childre are going to be a bit self-absorbed.

This doesn't make you a bad person. It definitely doesn't mean you were a bad child. You just didn't know how soon you would lose her. A little bit of guilt is natural. I have felt it at times regarding my own mother. But, as mother, I don not expect my children to be there for me all the time. Sometimes they will be more interested in other things, than in Mom.
It's normal. It's natural.

You can't go back and change things. I'm sure she would not want you spending the rest of your feeling guilty.

Just be glad that she was a part of your life and that she was the type of person who you miss. What I'm trying to say is, be grateful that you had her when you did. And start living a life that would have made her proud, but also a life that makes you proud to be you. If you can life your life with integrity and compassion your off to a good start.
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:54 PM
 
15,819 posts, read 18,375,717 times
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I am sorry for your loss. It is one of the hardest things we face in life, losing a parent. I have posted a link. If you will do a search, using the terms grief and loss...there are so many wonderful helpful websites. They will help, there are even sites where people write their experiences and you can also write yours. I hope these may help, and check your local paper, there are often support groups listed. It is very helpful sharing your feelings w/ someone going through the same life events as you. Good luck, and be patient with yourself. I'm a Mom, and the last thing I'd want is too have my child feel guilty....Think about those wonderful times...And spend more time w/ your Dad.
Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:31 AM
 
2 posts, read 7,222 times
Reputation: 24
I'm so sorry for your loss. Like everyone has said....grief is a process, with tons of emotions, regrets, etc. Of course, your loss/pain never go totally away, but it WILL get better. I think it would be helpful for you to speak with someone about this....if nothing else just to help get a fresh perspective and help you deal with the feelings you're experiencing right now. Through my time working with Focus on the Family, I know you can speak to their counselors over the phone for free....if you don't already know of someone in your area, you might try giving them a call 855-771-4357. I've used them before with some personal issues I was facing, and found them helpful.

I will be praying for you for peace....even through this very difficult time you're facing. May you have lots of memories that bring you great joy despite the ache of loss. Hang in there...and again, I'm sorry about your mom.
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Old 05-23-2012, 12:10 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 4,527,075 times
Reputation: 4261
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. Please realize that no one is perfect and no one can dedicate every moment of their lives to another person. That includes your mother too...I'm sure there were times she was short with you, or punished you unfairly, or didn't have time.

But those were little moments in the story of your relationship to each other. Focus instead on the whole of it and the love between you. It might help to write it down...not the little things, but the big things. Who she was and who she helped you to become. And realize that as your child you helped her to grow and taught her things as well.
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