Different view on death. - Bereavement, healing - Page 2 - City-Data Forum

Three Wolves In Snow · 06-01-2012, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AksarbeN

I agree! Not a funeral of sadness but a gathering of family & friends for a celebration of life! Party, talk, laugh, love and remember the best of times together with others.

That's the Irish way to do it and I think it's the right way to do it. Of course we should celebrate, they are FREE! We are still here!

MaggieZ · 06-01-2012, 10:13 PM

I understand the concept but not the time limit...4 days is not enough to grieve...mentioning their name does not stop you from living your life. After a while the mentioning of their name is just an acknowledgement of their existence. And if you cut short the grieving process it'll just all linger in the background somewhere. I agree that so much suffering done by those left behind stems from guilt. Even getting attention by grieving out loud for years and years, is used by many. They use it as a crutch but it also depends on how strong the bond was between the dead person and the one alive. So to me it's not all black and white.
But to each his own...

Wayland Woman · 06-02-2012, 08:35 AM

We did an Irish wake kind of service for my husband as well. By the time everyone finished telling stories we were all laughing so hard our bellies hurt. One person came up to me afterward and said he wished he wasn't Catholic because that's the kind of funeral he'd like to have. It was good way to honor the man my husband was and it was such a positive experience to laugh after watching the life slowing bleed out of him near the end of his time on earth.

As for not saying a person name after they've passed, that's one tradition I'm glad is not in my realm of existence. My husband was a part of my life for over 40 years. If I couldn't talk about him then I wouldn't be able to talk about my own past experiences and memories either---they are so interwoven together. Story telling is big in my circle of friends and family and I'm not ready to give that up. Besides, the good time get better with each telling. LOL

kevxu · 06-02-2012, 12:07 PM

There have been a couple of references to the "Irish way" and "Irish wake" as a kind of grand party, I have to weigh in to say that this aspect was only a part of the wake tradition.

I come from an Irish American family all married into other Irish family, and attended many wakes as a youngster and young man. And I have also in the past attended wakes in the rural west of Ireland.

Deep displays of grief were not uncommon, and religious observance was central during the three days.

callmemaybe · 06-04-2012, 10:41 PM

I am Irish too and yeah, there's lots of crying at the wake, but after the funeral we had a feast in her memory and for the most part it was pretty happy, it was really a huge comfort in many ways. It's a mix of a lot of different emotions for sure.

carolyninfl · 06-05-2012, 04:37 AM

Everyone grieves differently and the next loved one that dies you may grieve until you take your last breath. One has no control over how and and how long they grieve.

There is no set rule, just do what and whatever comforts you

MaggieZ · 06-05-2012, 11:15 PM

I agree, everyone is different so I see no need to argue over grief as I've seen happen in other threads here. It only adds to it. Shame how people can't even be polite to eachother when it's supposed to be all about supporting eachother, or at least be open to another person's feelings...

dizzybint · 06-09-2012, 11:46 AM

you have to grieve, its what keeps us sane. theres sadness, anger, questions. more anger, more tears, bewilderment, feelings of lonelyness and despair but it does heal in time..

Pikantari · 06-20-2012, 09:00 AM

I believe the Amish culture does something like this. Once the person is buried, they are never spoken of again, however, we will never know what is in their minds. No one knows what is on the livings minds.

Personally, I could not go through this life not speaking or sharing memories of my parents and grandmother with other family members. I couldn't even put them out of my own mind! I hardly go a day withough thinking of one of my parents or the other.

I am not grieving per se, just remembering. Though my parents are gone from this earth, they still have gotten me through so much in this life.....

Now I just wish they were here to share with me the final true happiness I have found in my life.

tamiznluv · 06-20-2012, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieZ

I agree, everyone is different so I see no need to argue over grief as I've seen happen in other threads here. It only adds to it. Shame how people can't even be polite to eachother when it's supposed to be all about supporting eachother, or at least be open to another person's feelings...

Oh, Mags, I don't think there is anyone arguing or being impolite here. Just discussing different ways of grieving. Believe me, if I "smelled" any one being disrespectful to "us" I'd lambaste them!

We ARE supporting each other, even with hearing about different ways. I just saw on tv that the Amish DO do not speak of that person again! I also did not know that was an Indian culture either. Makes sense if you believe in their way.

I sure like coming here because there is NO arguing, bashing, name calling. Just a bunch of broken hearted people trying to reconnect with the world and enjoying having others to share their stories/feelings with and others who have gone through this before us that are trying to help us cope with their words of wisedom and experience.

I'm also sure that as we heal, the time will come that some, all(?) of us will no longer need this forum and we may drift away. That being said, right now I want to thank each and everyone one of you for helping me in my time of need and friendship. Yes, friendship. I am emotionally bonded to you "regular" guys and I wish nothing but the best for all in their continued journey of life.

(((HUGS))),
~tami~