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Unread 05-27-2012, 11:54 PM
 
Location: mid wyoming
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Default Different view on death.

I grieve for 4 days and nights. I then do not speak that persons name again. This is my way of dealing with it.
If you want to show the person how much you value them, do it in life not after they are dead. No one hears that but other people.
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Unread 05-28-2012, 12:17 AM
 
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I find this quite interesting. Why or how did you come up with this method of grieving?
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Unread 05-28-2012, 05:56 AM
 
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Actually I don't think most people can do that even if they were extremely ill. You can 'not' say their name but that doesn't keep them from being in your thoughts. I don't around talking about my late husband but I do still remember and think of him often even after almost 10 years.
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Unread 05-28-2012, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Downtown Orlando, FL
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While that may work for you, that wouldn't work for me. I like to celebrate in life and after death. There's nothing wrong with busting out the pictures and talking about memories...if anything it helps me move forward. There's no way that I could just not mention a loved one that's been around me for 20 years, then *POOF*...no mention of him again. Couldn't happen.
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Unread 05-28-2012, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Looking over your shoulder
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovebdj View Post
While that may work for you, that wouldn't work for me. I like to celebrate in life and after death. There's nothing wrong with busting out the pictures and talking about memories...if anything it helps me move forward. There's no way that I could just not mention a loved one that's been around me for 20 years, then *POOF*...no mention of him again. Couldn't happen.
I agree! Not a funeral of sadness but a gathering of family & friends for a celebration of life! Party, talk, laugh, love and remember the best of times together with others.
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Unread 05-28-2012, 11:27 AM
 
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I wish everyone could just mourn for 4 days and nights and then move on. That would be a tremendous relief to people who suffer from grief for years or decades. I'm curious how you can turn off the grief after only 4 days? That's amazing!

My mother always told me, "life is for the living. The dead don't see your grief and don't care." I have never (yet) lost anyone truly close to me, but I will endeavor to grieve for a reasonable period and then try to move on.

I have seen colleagues grieve for parents for literally decades. I work with a woman who lost her dad when she was in her 40's and he was 90. He died around 1998 and she is still talking about him and bursting out into tears almost every day. I will never criticize her to her face because we all deal with losses in different ways, but it seems excessive to me to still be crying every day over a dad that died 15 years ago.
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Unread 05-28-2012, 04:17 PM
 
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In my tribe, it was a cultural taboo to speak the name of a person who had passed. Unless that name had been passed on to a living relative. Some Native tribes here have a 4 day ceremony.

Many names were passed on while still living too. Which caused a lot of good natured ribbing.
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Unread 05-28-2012, 05:35 PM
 
Location: The heart of Cascadia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post

I have seen colleagues grieve for parents for literally decades. I work with a woman who lost her dad when she was in her 40's and he was 90. He died around 1998 and she is still talking about him and bursting out into tears almost every day. I will never criticize her to her face because we all deal with losses in different ways, but it seems excessive to me to still be crying every day over a dad that died 15 years ago.
I know this sounds kinda cruel but she probably has other issues upsetting her too, maybe clinical depression even.
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Unread 05-30-2012, 04:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shadowwalker View Post
I grieve for 4 days and nights. I then do not speak that persons name again. This is my way of dealing with it.
If you want to show the person how much you value them, do it in life not after they are dead. No one hears that but other people.
Hey shadowwalker...whatever works for you....wish I could just grieve for 4 days and nights....it takes me a bit longer...and even then, when it's all over....I will still reminisce and talk of the one I lost....I will always keep the memory of someone I loved alive.
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Unread 06-01-2012, 07:40 PM
 
Location: mid wyoming
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Well second right. I kinda got it from a couple of places mostly Native American religion from different tribes.
You grieve for four days then not say that name. It keeps the spirit from going on, instead they think they are still needed here and will stay to make sure their people are o.k.
The constant grieving over someone is not productive, you are only hurting yourself. The dead ones have left this life and on their path to where ever.
Self pity is good to a point, after that why are you doing it? Pity from others, to be in the center of attention?
Most the people I see super grieving are the ones that didn't have the time of day for that person when they were alive and could have made a difference in their lives and bring happiness. They never called unless they wanted something, drove on by their house with other more important things to do, couldn't be bothered by the trouble of having to make time to be with them, etc........
And I won't go into the ones that just needed to die because they brought so much trouble, heartache, abuse, disharmony into so many lives never bothering to bring their own lives to fruitful activities in life
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