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I mourned the death of my husband 7 years before it happened 5 1/2 months ago. He was told "2 weeks to 2 months" and I went off the deep end. Two car accidents, a DUI. So I thought when the time really came, I was all set. Wrong. No matter what, when a loved one dies, it hurts. It hurts bad. I'm an only child too. Both my parents are dead many years and my kid lives 2,500 miles away. I am in survival mode.
I totally relate to what you said. I too had prepared....or thought I had prepared myself, for when my DH passed away 4-1-12. I have experienced all sorts of emotions that I did not prepare for, but how could I have known? You just don't know until it happens how painful it can be.
Both my parents are also gone and my daughter also lives a long ways away. I feel so alone, even though I am surrounded by great neighbors, a wonderful work family, and a new church family. It is so hard to come home from work to a quiet place. The silence is deafening.
One day at a time now is all I know to do. Just get through today. I wish for you to find the strength for one more day.
I totally relate to what you said. I too had prepared....or thought I had prepared myself, for when my DH passed away 4-1-12. I have experienced all sorts of emotions that I did not prepare for, but how could I have known? You just don't know until it happens how painful it can be.
Both my parents are also gone and my daughter also lives a long ways away. I feel so alone, even though I am surrounded by great neighbors, a wonderful work family, and a new church family. It is so hard to come home from work to a quiet place. The silence is deafening.
One day at a time now is all I know to do. Just get through today. I wish for you to find the strength for one more day.
I know exactly how you feel as I felt the same way after my DH passed. I always rushed home after work so we could spend time together. I still felt the urge after he died but also knew there was no one there and I hated to go home.
It does get better.. and it took me a long time to learn how to be alone and not be lonely.
I know exactly how you feel as I felt the same way after my DH passed. I always rushed home after work so we could spend time together. I still felt the urge after he died but also knew there was no one there and I hated to go home.
It does get better.. and it took me a long time to learn how to be alone and not be lonely.
Thank you Keeper for understanding how I feel. It has only been 2 months and sometimes I feel like this is a dream. I still think I see him, smell him, tell his picture goodnight. Today I feel a little angry that he left me. That's a silly thought, but those kinds of things creep into my mind at times.
As a child I was always ok playing by myself, and sometimes as his caregiver enjoyed the quiet moments as he slept. Now my 2 dogs and 2 cats are what keep me going, my responsibility, my family. It is difficult to go from "doing it all" to no longer being needed by him.
I hope it does get better. I know I need to give it some time. But thanks for your comments. They are appreciated.
tngirl, I'm so sorry your grief is so fresh and raw. Ugh, your hubby died on my birthday. I won't forget that now.
I spent the day in oncology today with my neighbor and friend of 50 years today. She was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer yesterday. I saw everyone that had been involved with my husband's battle for 7 years. I did not get sad (about him), I was sad for her. She's only 57. I'm steeling myself up for another battle and knowing she will loose in the end. She has a partner but the partner can't take all the time she would need off, so that is why I'm involved now. Hell, I've know the woman 45 more years than the partner has. We grew up together and whatever she needs me to do, I will.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us (me). We are a lot alike.
When a loved one becomes disabled or terminal, I think it's common and somewhat normal to mourn the loss of parts of a relationship before they die. My husband, for example, couldn't talk for the last 12 years of his life. I mourned the loss of easy conversations a decade ago before he died. Someone who losses a loved one from an accident or out of the blue is not going to have the same kind of grief as someone like me who virtually lost (and mourned) parts of my husband over time. There are so many variables when it comes to grief that we all need to be careful not to generalize. Like everything else important in life we need to listen and actually hear what the other grieving person is saying.
I had the same thing happen to me in the middle of the night last night, and I woke up balling my eyes out. The worst part was that it is my wife who has a disease and I had a dream about her passing, and coming back to tell me everything will be alright.
I had the same thing happen to me in the middle of the night last night, and I woke up balling my eyes out. The worst part was that it is my wife who has a disease and I had a dream about her passing, and coming back to tell me everything will be alright.
I'm sorry, topher.
That's a tough dream but also a pretty good one too, IMO. It's bad that she passed in your dream but also good that she came back to tell you everything was alright. Not being a psychologist, or dream interpretture (sp?) I can only speculate. 1) Your fears 2) your hopes after she is gone 3) a message from God. Maybe all 3? Personally, I'd take it as a comforting dream for when the time comes.
Have you read my story of the 1st time my hubby died? I do believe everything will be alright after our loved ones pass. He told me so. Hang in there, our friend.
I had a lot of dreams about my husband in the first three months. They are starting to taper off now but I still have one once in a while. I think it's just our brains processing all the new stuff coming at us with maybe a few unconscious thought thrown in that our daytime minds won't acknowledge.
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