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Close friends daughter aged 32 passed this past Sunday after being taken off life support. She was part of our lives and loved her dearly but I can't even cry, I'm so angry with her as this didn't have to happen....she died from overdose of illegal prescription drugs & vodka.
I think of all the times she said she was fine and not doing that crap anymore...
Hope I can get over this before the wake tomorrow night....
you should not put a date to "get over" things on that. anger is a healthy part of grief, grief needs anger and it helps you to process everything. It's only rational to feel cheated and lied to and be angry about all that. No matter what the situation, dealing with anger and sadness takes time and there's no time limit per se. You just shouldn't be angry at yourself for being angry or not being "over it' quick enough and other people shouldn't tell you how to be either unless you are hurting yourself or them...trying to stop it only sabotages you. Accepting how you feel is first...be nice to yourself and have patience, take time everyday to sit and ponder it all or write it down and tear up the paper, beat a pillow to get the anger out....but don't spend all day doing that, just allow some time... maybe try counseling? Suicide is the toughest thing to deal with as far as grief goes.
Anger is just part of the grieving process. I was angry because my DH wouldn't go to the hospital, I was angry because he left me all alone, I was angry because he didn't go and have procedures done and hid that from me.
It will pass.. it might help to write down all your feelings about your friend and how it affected you
My dad died a couple of months ago of a sudden heart attack. One day he was here and the next he wasn't. I only knew him for 4 years. I am still angry. I am angry every single day and I feel cheated every.single.day. I have no idea when this anger will stop or at least be less present but for the most part I have decided to be at peace with my anger. I can't change it and I can't stop it, so I am ok with it being a part of my life for now. I do the best I can not to take it out on the rest of my family and do healthy things to let it out every now and then. I don't know that those things would help you, but they work for me.
Anger is definitely a strong part of the grieving process. When my 9 yr. old daughter died a little over a year ago, I had a very hard time dealing with being angry. I would be so angry that I’d be totally exhausted by the time I was able to get myself together. I'm not a violent person, but it to the point where I seriously thought that I was going to hurt someone. There were times when I was afraid that my anger and stress levels would end up triggering a heart attack…and I’m still in my 30’s. Since my daughter’s death was a result of medical malpractice (not due to a particular illness). My anger came mostly from me having a feeling of helplessness. The feeling that she was taken away from us and there was nothing that we could do about it is what fueled my anger for a very long time.
Group therapy and counseling are the main reasons that I’ve been able to cope. It gives you an avenue to vent your frustrations in a room with people who know exactly what you are dealing with. Even though I doubted the value of group therapy for the first few months, it has been a huge part of the reason why I’m at least able to function in the real world again. In fact, my wife and I still attend group therapy sessions on a regular basis and I don’t see myself stopping any time soon. You’ll soon notice how much you’ve changed as a person and also begin to realize that grieving process never completely ends. You just find constructive ways to cope. Take it from me, therapy helps.
My answer, based on my own experience, would be yes and no. When my father died I was over the anger in a matter days, the grief followed for a small number of weeks. And I have felt neither about him or his death since then.
My mother died in 2000 at age 90, and it was not until 2010 that I could think of her or her death without anger. I have never felt sorrow for her death.
Close friends daughter aged 32 passed this past Sunday after being taken off life support. She was part of our lives and loved her dearly but I can't even cry, I'm so angry with her as this didn't have to happen....she died from overdose of illegal prescription drugs & vodka.
I think of all the times she said she was fine and not doing that crap anymore...
Hope I can get over this before the wake tomorrow night....
Sounds like she was a selfish girl who didn't consider her parents. Don't waste your time on anger as it will only fester. Maybe try to funnel the energy used on that anger to do something nice for your friends who just lost their daughter?
Close friends daughter aged 32 passed this past Sunday after being taken off life support. She was part of our lives and loved her dearly but I can't even cry, I'm so angry with her as this didn't have to happen....she died from overdose of illegal prescription drugs & vodka.
I think of all the times she said she was fine and not doing that crap anymore...
Hope I can get over this before the wake tomorrow night....
In time you will move past the anger over what her death is putting her family through so you can move on to mourning what could have, should have been if she'd made better choices in her life. We all have to let go of that kind of anger and find forgiveness because if we don't it eats us up inside. It takes whatever time it takes. Don't be too hard on yourself in the mean time.
forgiveness is a big one...you don't condone things by forgiving, it's about letting go of hatred and anger and other such things that eat you up inside. It's about stopping that thought process that things should have been different. The dead person is still dead but you need to go on living without that green monster lurking and destroying everything in its path.
I don't say my son should have taken his own life but I got to the point that I accept that he made that choice and I can't be angry forever at him for it or at myself or anyone else for it. If you look long enough, you can always hold on to anger and blame but what purpose does it serve? Anger's a part of the process, not a new state of being.
Just because we want them to stay alive doesn't make it so. So we have to see that it's not about us at all when someone dies, whether it was their choice or not.
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