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Old 06-06-2012, 10:56 AM
Location: Prescott AZ
5,843 posts, read 8,426,202 times
Reputation: 10707


So my Mom, almost 102 is now in AZ where I live.

Took the trip back to the house she lived in for 60 years in IL, where I grew up. Decided it was time to do the cleaning out, estate sale, house on market bit, now, while I still have my health. There is no one else but me. Only child.

Let me tell ya, it was so emotional and depressing I suffered physically. I thought doing this ahead of the actual funeral would be better, since she will never go back there to live. But it was really really hard on me. Found so many old photos, memories, and stuff that she saved all these years. Even found my baby book. Met my childhood next door neighbors, now age 63. Saw the house in so much ruin that it will take forever to sell it. Had a great lady who handled the estate sale, but seeing strangers rummaging thru Mom's stuff was awful.

Grief takes many forms. I don't expect my Mom to live that much longer, so I have that part to go through soon. Everyone says how blessed to have her for so many years. Sometimes I think not. She wanted to die a long long time ago. I will miss her but now I have half the grieving process done, I hope.
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Old 06-06-2012, 11:05 AM
Location: West Michigan
12,220 posts, read 7,343,646 times
Reputation: 7041
I am so sorry you have to go through this alone! Having estates under these circumstances is never easy. I hated the strangers going through my mom's stuff too. On the other hand, it's nice to know that many of her things will be enjoyed again by a new generation. Now, I am in the process of disposing of my husband's things. It's amazing what a person can collect in a life time.

Virtual hugs coming your way.
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Old 06-06-2012, 11:21 AM
Location: Way South of the Volvo Line
2,776 posts, read 6,965,362 times
Reputation: 2824
I understand your pain. It is a whole different facet of grief. I am currently trying simultaneously sell and clear out my late mother's house, the house I and 4 other siblings grew up in. Mom was in a nursing facility for the previous year before she passed in Sept '11. As POA and then, executor, I started cleaning out the accumulation of 64 years and five kids. It's till ongoing, nearly two years and counting of hoarding, collecting, and the dumpings of several less responsible grown children. I have even had siblings take items without permission (probate dictates that all is itemized) and fight over items that Mom gave to me before she passed. It has been a sad, ugly business...and that doesn't even cover the old photos, prom and communion dresses, boy scout uniforms, et al.
I apologize for venting. Suffice it to say that you are not alone and your depression is real and predictable. Be sure to schedule some time for yourself---get away once in awhile for a breather. Be judicious in decided what are actual sentimental mementos and what are just things that we collect in life like so much dust. You will achieve peace in the future, but take it one day at a time.
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Old 06-09-2012, 07:32 AM
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,210 times
Reputation: 699
Default My sympathies

PhxBarb, you are going through such a difficult time. My heart goes out to you. Not only are you away from home where you feel comfortable, you are having to deal with your mom's "other life". You are to be commended. I completely understand how you are feeling.

When my mom died, my dad continued to live in their house until he was no longer able to care for himself. He moved in with my sister, and us 3 girls cleaned out their house. I could not believe what a pack-rack my mom was! In the end, my sister decided to move in the house herself and have my dad move back in with them. She is still living in the house today.

To go through this alone is overwhelming. Try not to look at the big picture and just do one day at a time. That's all you can do. Wish I was there to help you!
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