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Old 10-05-2015, 11:07 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,249,971 times
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August 23 is only a month and a half ago. I'm sure that you are desperately sad. Be patient. I think it took me at least that long for me to figure out that I had to eat. (My son kept just reminding me, making me think about it.) There are so many things that have been done on the basis of "us" for so long, that there is no pattern, no habit, and almost no understanding of how to do them as "me" things. I am gradually learning all these things.

My husband died of brain cancer. I took care of him for 3 years and 10 months. It was very hard, but I would rather be taking care of him with his disability than have him gone. But of course, I could not control it. (It took me a while to figure that out, too.)

As for the way we grieve, how we choose to deal with the things our loved ones left, how we adjust to our new lives, there is no right or wrong, and each of us just has to do things as they seem to be right. There is not much comfort to be had, so if having a little shrine gives you some comfort, so be it.

I agree that it is hard to be around others some times. In fact, for the first few months, I did not want to think about anything by my husband. I remember that I went to a church group I used to attend - a group of women discussing various books, topics, studies, etc. - I was completely unable to think about what they were discussing. I was not angry at them for carrying on, but I knew then that I only wanted to keep my mind on my husband, and I would not return to any such group any time soon. I felt that it would not last for ever, but I just knew that I needed to go through this intense, concentration on him. It did eventually ease, and at about 4 months, I could function pretty normally to others, even though on the inside, I was anything but normal. Now, at 10 months after his death, I am going to try to go back to that group this week. We will see. Things are sometimes better, but the pain is still close to the surface.

I am now thinking that "normal" is a concept that will never again be realized. I will learn to live without him, but I will always love and miss him, and things will never return to what they were. I have to figure out a new way to function, and hopefully to eventually feel some peace and happiness. But even that will by tinged by loss. That is the way it is.
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Old 10-06-2015, 01:46 AM
 
Location: the Permian Basin
4,093 posts, read 2,822,200 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tngirl205 View Post
I know this is a very personal decision for everyone, but I am curious as to whether you still wear your wedding ring after the death of your spouse.

I am still wearing mine, it has just been a little over 2 short months since my husband passed away. At this point, I feel like I will wear it forever! But today at church, I noticed 2 different widows who are not wearing their wedding rings, and it just got me to thinking.

I'm not trying to be insensitive or intrusive, just curious. I don't mean to offend anyone. Thanks for your replies.

Tngirl, I am very sorry for your loss. I'll keep you in my prayers tonight.

I know this isn't the same, but although I have never had a spouse pass away I have been divorced twice (not by my choice). In both instances, I didn't take my took my wedding ring off until I was ready to do so. I had to reach a certain point in the grieving process before I was ready, but when I got there, I knew it was time. Also, there's nothing wrong with wearing it for the rest of your life - your commitment to your (late) husband doesn't have to end just because he has gone to Heaven.

A widower in his mid-fifties I once worked with moved his wedding ring to the middle finger of his left hand a few months after his wife's passing, so that may be another option for you to consider. But don't do anything until you're ready. When the time is right, you'll know it.
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Old 10-06-2015, 01:54 AM
 
Location: the Permian Basin
4,093 posts, read 2,822,200 times
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Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
I will have to get a cat, and perhaps a dog, I guess, just so I have other living things to talk to and take care of (too bad they can't talk back.)
A pet is definitely a source of comfort when one is grieving. They listen when we talk to them, which is what we really need. And they communicate back with looks, body language, and even gestures.
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Old 10-06-2015, 06:28 AM
 
Location: MA
1,623 posts, read 1,257,557 times
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I'm so sorry for those that lost spouses. I did lose my husband and we were going through rough times as he was an alcoholic which is why he died. I had to pawn my wedding ring just to pay for gas in my car and dog food for my dogs. When my husband did pass I asked for his wedding ring because that was something I wanted to keep. Sadly he also had to pawn his wedding ring, which I totally understand, but, I do miss my rings......reminders of some special times.
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