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Old 07-05-2012, 12:22 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
15,819 posts, read 4,935,726 times
Reputation: 48050

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smilinpretty, I am so sorry for your loss. Don't worry, it is perfectly all right for you to keep wearing your wedding ring if you still feel married and there will never be anyone else. In fact the only reason for taking it off would be if, at some future time, you felt you were ready to date again. Otherwise you can keep your wedding ring on for as long as you wish, and don't let anyone tell you different.
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Old 07-05-2012, 03:01 AM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 15,903,769 times
Reputation: 7531
smilinpretty, I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. You are very new to the grieving process, although I am sure in some ways you have been grieving for a very long time.

Please feel free to share your story or just vent a little bit - we have a very compassionate group here. I hope you have some good friends to lean on; if not, please find a support group or clergy person to help you through this difficult time.

Of course you have no intention of dating right now - maybe ever. Your rings are yours to wear however you feel is best, or not wear. That is a very personal decision for each person.

Peace to you during this time.
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Old 07-05-2012, 04:41 AM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,525 times
Reputation: 699
Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
I was wondering today, how long do I wear my wedding ring?? Since I have no intention of dating, I told myself forever. I lost my husband a week ago. I am all by myself, no children, no family. I have two maltese cutie girls, who miss their daddy. I cry all of the time, each day. I feel abandoned. We were together for 38 years. He was a man's man. I devoted my life to my husband because he meant the world to me. He was 23 years older but funny, I thought he would outlive me. We had a beautiful marriage. He came down with Alzheimer's seven years ago, they call it the long goodbye and in March he was diagnosed with cancer. The last few years were a nightmare watching him go downhill. I would never wish Alzheimer's on my worst enemy. I miss him so much, I still feel part of me is dying. Thank you for sharing your stories. I am crying right now. The loss is so unbearable to me at times.
Hi smilinpretty. You have come to the right place to hopefully get some comfort and support. My heart goes out to you during this time of loss, I can so relate to exactly how you are feeling. I lost my husband of 32 years on April 1st of this year. My husband was ill and in declining health for about 5 years and see him going downhill was agony; I'm sure you can relate to that. Sometimes, to me, it is as hard on the caregiver as it is the person who is ill.

It has gotten a little better for me to accept his passing, although I am just taking one day at a time. I have experienced feelings that I never thought I would. Nothing has prepared me in life for this time. I am the OP and I don't think I will ever take my rings off. I have no interest in dating and cannot imagine being with anyone else or getting married again. I know that could change.

One thing that I have learned, is there are no rules, no right or wrong way to grieve. It is such a personal process. Do things at your own pace, don't worry what anyone else thinks, come here to vent or ask questions or just get support; there really are a great group of caring people on this forum that are going through/have gone through the loss of a spouse. I find it helpful to write about things, ask questions, and just talk. Putting it down seems to help "get it out of me."

Remember, my motto.....take one day at a time. Or one hour, or one minute. We are here for each other. May God comfort you in this journey.
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Old 07-05-2012, 08:55 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18819
smilinpretty, Bayarea, Sam, and tn said it all. There is no "proper time" for wearing your rings. If I want to die with my rings still on, so be it. I actually think wearing your rings is showing respect and love for your spouse. Death may void the marriage but it does not void the love or bond between the two of you.

I'm very sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:31 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,638,204 times
Reputation: 2047
Thank you everyone, all your posts are of value to me and I am sorry for your loss. I have lost a mother, grand parents and dear friends but nothing compares to the loss of my husband. I can't stop crying. I have a broken leg that is not healing so I don't leave the house much. In two weeks, my dear friend will come to visit me for 13 days and I am counting the days. My whole life has turned upside down. I feel like I don't belong. When you are with the same person for 38 years, you are united as a couple. Now it is just me. I am so lonesome. Thank you for being here for me. Now I understand what it is like losing a spouse.
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:00 AM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,571 posts, read 17,958,369 times
Reputation: 5919
It is ironic as my late wife passed away from Cancer exactly 38 yrs ago last oct after only 19 yrs of marriage.

Yes, it does take time for a person to get over the loss of a loved one.

There will be a slow transition period that we all go thru but that is what nature has dealt us in life.

Since my wifes passing I lost my Three daughters.

Still have Four boys, Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren that remind me that life was not all in vain.

My deepest condolences to those who have lost a loved one.
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Rivendell
1,387 posts, read 2,110,583 times
Reputation: 1638
I lost my husband to cancer almost 13 years ago. He was only 52. I still think of him every single day.
I remarried, and we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary in the fall.
I wear my late husband's and my wedding band on my right hand, and I have for 12 years. My current husband is a great guy who makes me happy, and he doesn't mind.
You do what you are comfortable with.
I hope those of you who are grieving find peace and happiness again someday.
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Old 07-06-2012, 04:27 AM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 15,903,769 times
Reputation: 7531
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Bagu View Post
It is ironic as my late wife passed away from Cancer exactly 38 yrs ago last oct after only 19 yrs of marriage.

Since my wifes passing I lost my Three daughters.

Still have Four boys, Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren that remind me that life was not all in vain.
Steve Bagu, much peace to you - the number of losses you have had in your immediate family is staggering - but look at those sons, the grandkids, and the great-grandkids....your wife and your daughters' legacies live on in your heart and the hearts of others. I know you must be very proud of the ones here and the ones gone on before.
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Old 07-06-2012, 07:18 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18819
Steve Bagu, I just don't know what to say about your losses except OMG! Peace and blessings to you and I'm so very sorry to hear of your losses. (((HUGS)))
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Old 07-06-2012, 07:20 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18819
Sizzly, thank you and I wish you continued happiness with your "new" hubby.
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