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It's been three years, and I still wear my engagement ring, wedding ring and 25 year anniversary ring. My engagement diamond was my maternal grandmother's engagement diamond, and I've always loved wearing her diamond in my ring. When my paternal grandmother died, I inherited her diamond 40 year anniversary ring and wear it on my right hand. I've had these rings for 37+ years, and I really don't want to take either of them off. My wedding rings are my link to my husband and my mom's mom, and my "cocktail" ring is my link to my dad's mom.
Marcy, what lovely sentiment and memories that I'm sure you will always cherish!!
It wasn't long after, so much happened at first, no time to hardly breathe... My mother was still with me and I'd been very stoic, stuffin' it the way she taught us, and I was quietly, in my head, trying on the word "widow" for size. I didn't like it and I didn't know anyone else under 30 who wore the label "widow".
All of a sudden, I burst into tears, unstoppable, and this noise was coming from inside me. My mother jumps up and starts yelling what is wrong with me, etc, etc... In a bit I calmed down and managed to spit out-
"when am I supposed to take these rings off cuz I don't like this word widow and I want my rings on, not some label. "
My mother, relieved I hadn't gone completely over the edge, said, " Do what you feel like. It's nobody's' business but yours."
Best of luck to you, OP.
-izzy
Wow, it has been almost five months since my last post on this thread. I posted a week after my husband passed. I am all alone with no children or family or friends. I use to feel sorry for me but now I am beginning to have a new freedom on life, I answer to no one. I still cry everyday because I miss my husband but the truth of the matter, no one really cares how I feel, it is up to me to decide how to carry myself, because life moves on and it is made for living, not feeling sorry for myself. So, I fake it. Am I happy? No. But, I feel as though I have some sense of hope for the future. I am finishing up a college course, I joined some groups and try to keep active in them. I don't want to be best friends with no one because that takes too much energy and I don't have that much energy.
But, I want to wish you all a Happy Holiday Season. I know we all know how it is like to lose someone who is special and close to our heart and although the grief of losing someone can feel over-whelming at times, it is a process, a jorney we all go through at one stage in our life and we handle it the best we can. One thing that I have learned from this who are my family and friends. I must have had a dozens of people in my life slam the door on me and for whatever reasons, it is their choice. This is a good thing because these people never supported me in the years taking care of Sam except one. Now I am starting all over and making a fresh start.
Baby steps. A little at a time. I have been taught so much about human behavior and that is another subject all together. I have learned to be self reliant, depend on myself only, and give to me first.
Peace and Love to all of you, and thank you for your loving and caring support over my last five months of rediscovering myself, my grief almost over-whelming at times leaving me breathless.
When a loved one dies who is close to us, there is no one way to act. Be who you are and feel all the emotions of grief.
Dear smilin, thank you for your beautiful post. I love how we can all be honest about our feelings here without fear of ridicule or judgment.
I am so sorry that you don't have anyone close by you. I am so fortunate to have found my church family and friends. Of course, I do have my co-workers. I used to call them my friends, but they are really just acquantainces/co-workers. They are wrapped up in their own lives...as it should be. They gossip about others and it really annoys me. They talk non-stop, chattering about any subject under the sun; it really has become to annoy me. I find that I am easily annoyed now by some pretty petty things.
I think I am annoyed because of my fragile state. I know it. But I don't know how to NOT be annoyed. I guess these emotions of mine just need to run their course. And if annoyance is part of the course, then so be it.
I also feel truly alone. I loved my husband so much and we had 32 wonderful years. But with his health failing for the last 6 years, it has been a long, long time since we were intimate and I miss that. I miss going out on a date or out to eat. We used to do that all the time. It has been so long. I feel like I have a lot to give, a lot of life left to live, and wonder where my journey will take me. Just because he died, I feel like I don't have to die either. I know he would not want that as well.
I think I am starting to ramble now, so guess I'll close, but smilin, I hope you consider me a friend. I only want the best for you, and I want you to feel peace and happiness again. Yes, we will have to do it ourselves, probably. I so want to be happy...but it is just so hard sometimes.
Since no one "in my real life" takes the time to ask how I really am doing (except one or two at church that have asked for me to open up to them if I need to), I, like you, feel it is up to me. I know I am probably expecting/wanting this too soon. Sometimes I just want to feel the grief, but most of the times I truly want to laugh and love and go and do and be happy.
So hang in there girlfriend. Keep in touch and know I will always care about you.
BTW, I am still wearing my wedding band. I just cannot imagine taking it off.
Also, this holiday season is very, very depressing for me, and now with Jim gone, it is extremely difficult. I just want it to get over with. I hope at some point in my life that feeling will change.
smilin' and tn, you both have made me feel so good this morning. Sad, because I feel what you guys are feeling but good to hear the coping with some of our situations. (no children or near by or care about us)
I fake it too and that faking helps me immensely to actually feel good/happy at times.
tn, I understand the annoyance. It started back in '92 when my Mom died and my outlook on life changed somewhat and then my Dad died and I got really irritable with listening to my co-workers. I had been with these people for 16 years by then and knew them all really well and just could not stand it any more. Plus the company was going out of business after 60+ years so both Earl and I would both be out of good paying jobs and we had just bought our house! I know you were looking to go to work for that lawyer firm but you asked us and I feel like I (we) persuaded you to stay where you are. I still feel the same as I posted then but I feel bad for you. Just think of retirement down the road. Your State/County is not going to go out of business. Believe me, retirement is no piece of cake if you don't have money.
smilin' I know what you mean about it takes too much energy to be too friendly. My gf across the street almost drained me out when she was going through her "situation" (cancer). Do you know how I came to hate those words, "my situation"? Now I know why my ex-gf on the other side of me kicked me to the curb after listening to me about Earl for a year.
I just want to smile, ask how they are and go on my way. Friendly but brief. There's nothing much more I have to say to people anymore. Except here, where I can blab and blab about what is really going on inside me. You guys don't judge, you KNOW. You guys don't go...., "there she goes again". You guys care and want to help each other as much as you (we) can.
I know this is a very personal decision for everyone, but I am curious as to whether you still wear your wedding ring after the death of your spouse.
I am still wearing mine, it has just been a little over 2 short months since my husband passed away. At this point, I feel like I will wear it forever! But today at church, I noticed 2 different widows who are not wearing their wedding rings, and it just got me to thinking.
I'm not trying to be insensitive or intrusive, just curious. I don't mean to offend anyone. Thanks for your replies.
Two months for me also. No not yet for me as far as my ring. It is a personal decision.
I went and placed a wreath on his grave today. It was a tough day, since I was mostly by myself. I sat at the grave for about a half hour hoping some unique vision or thought would come. I just felt so alone. Tomorrow is another day, my older son is coming and bringing the two boston terriors from hell for a few days while they take a much needed vacation. That should keep me very busy.
Wow, it has been almost five months since my last post on this thread. I posted a week after my husband passed. I am all alone with no children or family or friends. I use to feel sorry for me but now I am beginning to have a new freedom on life, I answer to no one. I still cry everyday because I miss my husband but the truth of the matter, no one really cares how I feel, it is up to me to decide how to carry myself, because life moves on and it is made for living, not feeling sorry for myself. So, I fake it. Am I happy? No. But, I feel as though I have some sense of hope for the future. I am finishing up a college course, I joined some groups and try to keep active in them. I don't want to be best friends with no one because that takes too much energy and I don't have that much energy.
But, I want to wish you all a Happy Holiday Season. I know we all know how it is like to lose someone who is special and close to our heart and although the grief of losing someone can feel over-whelming at times, it is a process, a jorney we all go through at one stage in our life and we handle it the best we can. One thing that I have learned from this who are my family and friends. I must have had a dozens of people in my life slam the door on me and for whatever reasons, it is their choice. This is a good thing because these people never supported me in the years taking care of Sam except one. Now I am starting all over and making a fresh start.
Baby steps. A little at a time. I have been taught so much about human behavior and that is another subject all together. I have learned to be self reliant, depend on myself only, and give to me first.
Peace and Love to all of you, and thank you for your loving and caring support over my last five months of rediscovering myself, my grief almost over-whelming at times leaving me breathless.
When a loved one dies who is close to us, there is no one way to act. Be who you are and feel all the emotions of grief.
Smilin
I know how you are feeling about the friends situation. They all have nice things to say, and then they go away and live their lives. We cannot expect them to be hovering around us. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions. My husband and I moved around the country alot and I aways joined a group and got to know people, but this is different. I am in a different state of mind. What do I do, join a widow and widowers club? Parents without partners....not sure who I want to be around. With only two months since his death I know I need to give it time. But it is disheartening when the people you thought would be there for you seem to distance themselves.
My husband passed 4 months ago we started dating when I was 14 he was 17 and were married 44 years. He was a soldier for 24 years then goverment work so I was used to him being away a lot I have not moved any of his clothes far less giving them away, his book is still on the bed side table his glasses are on the coffee table I know I've not accepted that he is never coming home but I honestly can't see me ever taking my ring off, I've never taken it off since I was 18 and I'm now 63. I love him too much to take my rings off and yes I know I said love him instead of loved but if you have loved someone for 48 years you can't just stop loving them because they are not sitting across from you and our rings are a symbol of that love.I personaly can not see me ever takeing my wedding ring off but that is how I feel it is up to the individual.
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, "there she goes again". You guys care and want to help each other as much as you (we) can. 
