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Old 07-01-2012, 05:09 PM
 
Location: WA
604 posts, read 527,784 times
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Find this Thread interesting, learning of different traditions in different parts of the cournty. Pop sometimes told my Mom "That was a fine repast."

When DH went to Heaven, telephoned the neighbor and said Bruce had transitioned and he literally did. From his physical body to his spirtual being.

A gentleman was shocked, coming from VA to WA, where there, usually memorials, seldom funerals or very few viewings.
Remember a pastor from TN, where the departed was put in a coffin and the viewing was in the home. Folks/men?
kept vigil till the funeral?
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Old 07-01-2012, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,164 posts, read 16,510,896 times
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When my parents and my late wife died, church ladies put together small "funeral luncheons" following the funeral services at the parish halls. In the case of my parents, it was held after the trip to the graveyard. My wife was cremated, so there was no trip to the graveyard and the luncheon followed the church service. I asked the priest about paying for it, and he said the ladies would accept a donation for food costs but it wasn't necessary.

When I first moved to Wyoming I was surprised to learn that the wakes here, especially for the old cowboys, amounted to drinking at the cowboy's favorite bar until the wee hours of the morning before his funeral. I attended one of those cowboy funerals a year or two ago. (Even though he was local doctor, he was also a native.) It turned out to be a fun time, with many of his close friends telling humorous stories about him.
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Old 07-01-2012, 11:07 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,083 posts, read 5,498,726 times
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My father's family was VERY irreverent at funerals, always making jokes to lighten the mood. Just their way of dealing with grief, I suppose. My mother told me that at my father's father's wake (in the 40's) (which was held in their home per the tradition of the time), she remembers looking over at my father and uncle standing at the casket, and their shoulders were going up and down. Here they were hysterical laughing about something and trying to hold their laughter in. I always get a chuckle thinking about that sight. They sure had a lot of tragedy in their family, but always kept their sense of humor and never let a funeral become a morose affair. They're almost all gone now, and I sure miss them....I could use a good laugh.
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Old 07-02-2012, 12:57 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,489 posts, read 11,474,558 times
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I think for the very close relatives it can be very exhausting having to entertain relatives and friends, but some seem to still do it... I think for an older person whos had his day, its fine if the family want it, but for a child dying, Id think not... I find that far too upsetting and sad to cope with after the funeral.. but some people think its what has to be done and go along with it, like at my mums funeral. its sort of the done for the bereaved family to stand at the door of the crematorium after the service, and shake hands with everyone who had turned up on the day.... I just couldnt do it.. I found it false and got out of there as soon as.... we re all different..
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Old 07-03-2012, 04:29 AM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
32,106 posts, read 39,170,046 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luzianne View Post
It's not a celebration, it's just for people to get together before or after the funeral. Usually it's the church or close friends who make the preparations for the family. At least that's the way it's been in my experience. When my dad died, the church ladies all brought potluck type of food for the family/extended family/close friends before the service started. That eliminates the family needing to worry about preparing food for themselves and possibly relatives who are from out of town.

I really haven't experienced it where the family prepares the food.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohiogirl81 View Post
You can look at it one of two ways (or both):

1. An opportunity for friends and family to gather informally to celebrate the life of the person who's died; or

2. An opportunity to thank friends and family for coming to the service.

Who would be coming to the funeral? Your mom's friends, your friends, family members? Would they expect a meal afterward?

Both of the above. And it's not really regional, it is done most everywhere, at least in the US.
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Old 07-03-2012, 05:20 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,202 posts, read 50,480,930 times
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When my father and brother died, both times my mom ordered food from a local caterer that was sent to her church where the church ladies set everything up and also cleaned up afterward.
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Old 07-03-2012, 05:47 PM
 
Location: PDX
169 posts, read 151,936 times
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i want a big fat party! i know i'll be there in spirit and i will also know who and who didn't show up! i've promised my friends and family that i will know who they are and what the did or didn't do and i will let them know! i have the songs picked and what kind of booze.

my mother showed up at her house like i asked her to the day we buried her! we had a long talk about 10 years before she passed and i asked her if she would try to contact me after she passed. i believe in the paranormal and i knew she could do it and BAM heard her walking down the back hall and a few other things; my daughter and husband heard her too, so that's when i knew that i could show up at my celebration (which it is imo) and i will visit the ones that i think shoulda showed and didn't and scare the beejasus out of them! LOL

to the original poster. i am sorry for your loss and do what's right for you!
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Old 07-03-2012, 06:39 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,104 posts, read 17,634,355 times
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I posted about this in another thread about how we went to a funeral and I made the mistake of asking some family members about where the wake and after party were ? My husband and I got such a look and it was not a nice one .
One of the Brother in laws of the deceased said Nope no party no nothing we leave and go home after they are buried end of story . We were also told that we were out of line for asking about the party . We frankly never went to a funeral
without a luncheon or party afterwards . My husband said next time we got to a funeral we wont say anything to anyone but hi and bye and sorry for your loss and then we go home .
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Old 07-03-2012, 07:23 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,175 posts, read 14,253,018 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
I think for the very close relatives it can be very exhausting having to entertain relatives and friends, but some seem to still do it... I think for an older person whos had his day, its fine if the family want it, but for a child dying, Id think not... I find that far too upsetting and sad to cope with after the funeral.. but some people think its what has to be done and go along with it, like at my mums funeral. its sort of the done for the bereaved family to stand at the door of the crematorium after the service, and shake hands with everyone who had turned up on the day.... I just couldnt do it.. I found it false and got out of there as soon as.... we re all different..
Everyone is different. But when my husband's 4 year old son died, he needed people around. The people who remembered the good things in his son's short life. When he needed to be alone, he went outside. He still does when it becomes overwhelming for him. The pain hasn't lessened.
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Old 07-03-2012, 08:09 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,202 posts, read 50,480,930 times
Reputation: 60090
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
I posted about this in another thread about how we went to a funeral and I made the mistake of asking some family members about where the wake and after party were ? My husband and I got such a look and it was not a nice one .
One of the Brother in laws of the deceased said Nope no party no nothing we leave and go home after they are buried end of story . We were also told that we were out of line for asking about the party . We frankly never went to a funeral
without a luncheon or party afterwards . My husband said next time we got to a funeral we wont say anything to anyone but hi and bye and sorry for your loss and then we go home .
Oh no, that must have been awkward. But my experience has been the same. Whether it's at a church or a restaurant or whatever, the people attending the funeral are usually asked to stay for a meal. Usually at the graveside service the funeral director invites everyone and says where it is on behalf of the family. Then everyone but the family leaves the grave so that the family can say their final goodbye and all meet up at the appointed place.
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