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Old 06-18-2012, 12:45 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,531 posts, read 42,694,765 times
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Although I have never been in your situation, I feel that enough time has not gone by yet. When it has, you will know what to do. There is no urgency, is there?
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Old 06-18-2012, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Philaburbia
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Just as a contrast, when my father died 13 years ago, it was mid-April. When I visited my mom for Mother's Day a few weeks later, his closet was cleared out already. She didn't let any grass grow under her feet; I think that was how she coped.

And as long as she can get up and down the basement stairs to do her laundry -- or pay someone to do it for her -- she won't leave that house.
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Old 06-18-2012, 05:25 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,139,040 times
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(((HUGS)))

Three weeks ago I started to recycle his clothes. Got "rid" of most of them but still have a few items left and cleared out the main closet in our house for my stuff. He was a pack rat. I have SOOOO much syuff to go through. I've already had 1-800-GOT_JUNK down once. May have to call them again sometime.

Have no idea where his wedding ring is, he almost ripped his finger off and I understood when he took it off. Besides I grew up seeing Dad not wear his one day of my life because of the same problem. If or when I find it, I shall wear it on a chain. I say "if" because towards the end he had no idea where he had put it and it wasn't in the usual places one would place jewelry.
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Old 06-19-2012, 12:18 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,737,637 times
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I have his watch, ring, glasses, Rx sunglasses, wallet (minus credit cards, etc.) in an old wooden carved box that was his grandfathers. It's on my dresser. He also kept a daily to-do list in a steno pad, and never threw them away, and every once and a while, I'll look up a day and see what his "chores" for the day were. Mostly pretty routine stuff; get newspaper, make coffee, pack lunch, take out trash toter..... but it's like reliving a slice of his life. The other thing I've been working on is copying VHS and Hi8 tapes to DVD's on the computer. My youngest son bought me a Dazzle DVD Recoreder Plus which lets me hook up the VHS player directly to my PC and transfer the tapes to DVD's. Same with my HandyCam. Then I can edit the DVD's. Tedious and very time consuming, but I can see and hear him. I always loved his laugh. When I finish, I'd like to make copies of the DVD's and give each of my kids a set so their kids can remember their Grandpa. They were so young when he died, and lived so far away, they rarely saw us. They don't remember him.

When I sold the house in CO, I had to get rid of 90% of the furniture and household goods as we already had this place furnished. I kept some things that were sentimental, but most of it was either given to the kids, trashed or donated. So, in that way, I did a lot of "purging". Now, the things of his that I kept all have really significant memories attached. His clothes were just something I moved down here because I wasn't ready to part with them.

Ohio, my dad was like your mom. Within days after my mom died, my dad got rid of everything that reminded him of her. My sister and I got her jewelry, and had our pick of her clothes and other personal momentos, but everything we didn't want, my dad gave away. Within a week, there was no trace of my mom in that house. I'm way too sentimental for my own good!! My kids will look at my stuff when I die and ask, "Really? She kept this? What is it and why?"
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Old 06-19-2012, 12:44 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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Marcy, when my Mom died, Dad didn't have to do a thing to clean my mother out of the house. I was so angry at how she brought me up and screwed my life up that I got rid of everything of hers. I regret that now that 20 years have passed but I had to purge myself of the horrible feelings I had for her when she died. NOW I miss her.
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Old 06-19-2012, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Florida
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I downsized, sold the big house and moved to small 2 bd, 1b home. The other one was too large and too expensive to maintain. It was a good decision for me!
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Old 06-20-2012, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,228 posts, read 23,743,496 times
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The only thing I find comforting about staying in a home where on spouse has made the transition, is that you always have the memory of what they were doing in the kitchen, living room, or whatever...but if you have a new place of dwelling you can look around, and see no memory.

My FIL has a new apartment, is depressed, he looks around, and there are no memories of my MIL, none.....it was all in the other house, which I feel he should have of stayed.
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Old 06-20-2012, 02:36 PM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
6,958 posts, read 12,372,463 times
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I've mentioned my parents and my mother's death on here quite a bit but had to post on here too. They were married 66 years, the last 30+ in one house. After Mama died, we (my brother and I) kind of hinted to him about going to an assisted living facility here, for health reasons. A few weeks later he decided on his own to move to assisted living. He told me everywhere he looked he saw her. Her chair, her tea pot and cup, her apron, ... Just too much of her in this house for him to stay here day after day. Now he thoroughly enjoys the assisted living facility. As far as the house, with housing prices these days he deeded the house to my wife and I. We told him to keep his door key and he is welcome any time he wants to come over, which he has from time to time to see what we've done to the place. If we're not home he'll tell us he drove by to check on something or he forgot something. I'm glad he will still come by.
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Old 06-20-2012, 03:03 PM
 
Location: SWFL
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That's so nic, kygman. I'm glad Pops can come by any time.

Even though my situation is unorthodox, I'm blessed that I'm moving back to OUR old house and I will have memories there to greet me too. I may be moving but I'm moving into good memories. Marcy must've felt the same?
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:55 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,737,637 times
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I did. For so long our house in CO had been home. After he died, it became a place where all I thought about was how he died. The condo, albeit much, much smaller, was a place where we had wonderful memories together as it was a vacation home. Choosing to move there was like going to a very happy, loving place where I still had memories of him and the joy we had together.

Kygman, I think your dad made the right choice. Sometimes, it's just too painful to stay in the home, especially when it's not easy to get around, and you're lonely with just memories to keep you company. He's probably enjoying the social life and meeting new people, as well as the assistance he gets. It's nice that he gets the best of both worlds; a new experience and the comfort of their home.
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