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Old 07-06-2012, 10:21 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,643,546 times
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I was a care-giver to my husband for almost seven years with Alzheimer's. Toward the end he developed Cancer and it spread to his bones. My health was deterioating along with his and our dear friend came for a week to be with me while my dh was dying at Hospice Hospital. She did not allow me to make our visits long with him, due to the fact, I was not sleeping or eating and I was crying contantly. At 10:30 p.m. I heard a voice tell me to go see him and I did for a few hours and left knowing it will be the last time I would be with him. He was unconscious, he was gone already. I knew it would only a few hours and he would be died. I couldn't watch him die, and I have no regrets. I did all I could do for him these last seven years taking care of him, toward the end I was worn out. It has been nine days now and I am still having difficulty but I have several people phone me a day to check up on me.
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Old 07-06-2012, 11:05 PM
 
Location: WA
604 posts, read 529,521 times
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Dear Smilinpretty, Am so sorry for your lost of your dear husband. Pleased you have no regrets and he was bless you
took such good care of him those long seven years. Happy to know you have friends telephoning you each day.

This Forum has been a blessing to me, has eased my grief. Feel free to start as Thread I do, to see others opinions.

Please be gentle with yourself, get plently of rest, be sure to eat, healthly, I sometimes forgot to eat, then eat too
much! We are on a new journey, I began my solo journey in February after 41+ years. Miss him A LOT though with
the help of my Lord, dear folks He brings into my life and City-Data, I am making it, one hour, one day at a time.
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Old 07-06-2012, 11:07 PM
 
Location: West Michigan
12,257 posts, read 7,370,639 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
I was a care-giver to my husband for almost seven years with Alzheimer's. Toward the end he developed Cancer and it spread to his bones. My health was deterioating along with his and our dear friend came for a week to be with me while my dh was dying at Hospice Hospital. She did not allow me to make our visits long with him, due to the fact, I was not sleeping or eating and I was crying contantly. At 10:30 p.m. I heard a voice tell me to go see him and I did for a few hours and left knowing it will be the last time I would be with him. He was unconscious, he was gone already. I knew it would only a few hours and he would be died. I couldn't watch him die, and I have no regrets. I did all I could do for him these last seven years taking care of him, toward the end I was worn out. It has been nine days now and I am still having difficulty but I have several people phone me a day to check up on me.
I was my husband's caregiver for 12 years and I fully understand what you are saying about not having regrets and about doing all you could for him while he was alive. I couldn't watch my husband die either...I was down the hall, knowing it would happen very soon. Nine days your emotions are still very raw and it's going to take time to get your physical and emotional health back. Now is the time to take care of yourself as well as you took care of your spouse. The transition from caregiver/spouse to widow is hard, but take it one day at a time. In time the fog will lift. Sorry for your loss!
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Old 07-07-2012, 05:33 AM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 406,513 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
I was a care-giver to my husband for almost seven years with Alzheimer's. Toward the end he developed Cancer and it spread to his bones. My health was deterioating along with his and our dear friend came for a week to be with me while my dh was dying at Hospice Hospital. She did not allow me to make our visits long with him, due to the fact, I was not sleeping or eating and I was crying contantly. At 10:30 p.m. I heard a voice tell me to go see him and I did for a few hours and left knowing it will be the last time I would be with him. He was unconscious, he was gone already. I knew it would only a few hours and he would be died. I couldn't watch him die, and I have no regrets. I did all I could do for him these last seven years taking care of him, toward the end I was worn out. It has been nine days now and I am still having difficulty but I have several people phone me a day to check up on me.
Dear smilinpretty, please accept my sincere condolences for your loss. I was my DH's caregiver for 5 years, he had severe emphysema & COPD (10% lung function). It was so hard to see this big strapping man go downhill. I prayed everyday that God would not let him suffer. I think being a caregiver is as hard on the caregiver as the one with the illness. I also worked 30 hours per week outside the home. As hard as it was, one thing I will never forget is that every night, before I went to bed, he thanked me for all that I did for him. I know he truly appreciated all that I did and that gave me strength to go on.

When he died, I was so relieved on one hand, and guilty for having those feelings on the other hand. Yes, I was glad that he was no longer suffering, but I didn't realize how much I would miss him. Every day is a struggle, but it has gotten a little easier, thanks to a new church family, my wonderful work family, great neighbors, and you folks here on CD. I come here everyday for strength, encouragement and friendship.

May God bless you during this new chapter of your life. One day at a time, at your own pace.
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Old 07-08-2012, 11:41 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,643,546 times
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Thank you all so very much. One day at a time. I am attending a Memorial today at his Adult Day Care for all those who passed on this last year and his name will be included.

My body is still recovering from the stress of a broken leg, the stress of care-giving and the emotional grief missing him so much. I cry everyday. I feel like a emotional freight train. In a short time I went from care-giver, to watching him die, to being a widow. I have never been alone in my life and I am all alone now. My roles have completely changed. My hats have changed. The big adjustment for me is that now I am single, I feel oddball. All of our friends were married.

Taking one day at a time.

Thank you all for you loving and caring support, it is so appreciative. Walking through the valley of grief is almost over-whelms me.

Nameste,
Smilin
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Old 07-08-2012, 01:49 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,547 posts, read 18,213,131 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Thank you all so very much. One day at a time. I am attending a Memorial today at his Adult Day Care for all those who passed on this last year and his name will be included.

My body is still recovering from the stress of a broken leg, the stress of care-giving and the emotional grief missing him so much. I cry everyday. I feel like a emotional freight train. In a short time I went from care-giver, to watching him die, to being a widow. I have never been alone in my life and I am all alone now. My roles have completely changed. My hats have changed. The big adjustment for me is that now I am single, I feel oddball. All of our friends were married.

Taking one day at a time.

Thank you all for you loving and caring support, it is so appreciative. Walking through the valley of grief is almost over-whelms me.

Nameste,
Smilin
That is why this forum is so incredible, Smilin. Most every one of us has gone through this heartache. You feel so all alone and then, poof, you have a way to share your pain with others who know EXACTLY how you are feeling. It is truley cathartic. I have no doubt in my mind that without being able to share my thoughts and feeling with the others and hearing their stories too, I sure would not be as far along in the grief proccess as I find myself.
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Old 07-08-2012, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 406,513 times
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Default The grief process

Smilin, I so sympathize with you and what you are feeling. Like tami said, we are all going through this and I agree with her, I would not have had the skills to cope without these great people here.

I cried at the drop of a hat for the first month or so. Now it has been 3 months, and I find that I don't cry much anymore. I wonder if that is normal. My heart aches for my loss of him, yet the tears aren't coming. I sometimes feel guilty for not crying. Strange, I know, or at least I think so.

I know what you mean about changing hats. I went from putting my life on hold to be his full-time caregiver, working outside the home, taking care of the house and everything that goes along with it.....to suddenly nobody. Yes, of course I was still me, but I felt lost that I no longer had to do it all. It was a strange thing to experience, as nothing could have prepared me for it. Nothing has prepared me for all the different emotions I am having to deal with. And I seem to not be able to put into words all these things that I am feeling. I guess you just have to go through it to understand, and you know exactly what I am talking about.

Though strange that this bonds us all together, I am so thankful to know I can talk to you guys about anything and everything and I will get heartfelt responses, suggestions, and caring words.

smilin, I hope you find, like me, that it helps to "get it out" and write here in this forum. Someone suggested that I start journaling, but I have not done it. I "journal" here when I need to and it helps me tremendously.
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Old 07-09-2012, 12:58 AM
 
Location: Table Rock Lake
971 posts, read 1,136,918 times
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It's been awhile since I have posted on here, but I wish to thank all of you posters which has helped me with my wife's passing.

Something I might contribute is the fact that I have never felt as if I am alone, I often feel that my wife is somehow still looking after me. Especally when a difficult task goes so smoothly for me. It gives me comfort and hope you might feel the same way with your spouse.
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Old 07-09-2012, 10:13 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,643,546 times
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I attended the Adult Day Care Memorial yesterday and I cried all through the ceremony. I was given a rose with a picture of him on it. A few of the Directors consoled me afterwards. I cried so much I could not talk about my husband. I still have no appetite and not sleeping so well. My heart still grieves for him. The loss is almost unbearable to me.
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Old 07-10-2012, 05:44 AM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 406,513 times
Reputation: 704
Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
I attended the Adult Day Care Memorial yesterday and I cried all through the ceremony. I was given a rose with a picture of him on it. A few of the Directors consoled me afterwards. I cried so much I could not talk about my husband. I still have no appetite and not sleeping so well. My heart still grieves for him. The loss is almost unbearable to me.
Smilin, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I could not talk about my husband at first without the floodgates opening. Now, 3 months later, it is a little easier. I think you will grieve for him for a long, long time. But I can tell you from experience that it will get a little easier, day by day and hour by hour.

Take your time during this grieving process, go at your own pace, and come here for support. We are all here for you. Someone here told me, and it is true, please try and eat good, nutritious food. You need to take care of yourself, although at times it's the last thing you want to do. May God bless you.
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