U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 06-08-2013, 12:25 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18819

Advertisements

Last weekend I was able to "get rid" of most of my husband's power tools and some of my Dad's antique tools also. They went to my neighbor across the street and I know they'll be kept good. The neighbor loved my Dad and Earl. He even found a pic of Earl showing off his catch of the day and asked if he could keep it and put it over his tools like Earl had it over his. My poor neighbor is still pretty upset that both his pals are gone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-08-2013, 05:58 PM
 
Location: WA
604 posts, read 528,085 times
Reputation: 2050
Tami,

Bless was neighbor to be gifted your husband's power tools as well as your Dad's antique tools. So thoughtful of you! It's wonderful to know others will appreciate what the previous owner enjoyed.

Surprised to see folks still Posting to this Thread.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-08-2013, 08:03 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18819
I thought this would be a good place to talk about the tools, Sera. I like to bring back old threads rather than start too many new ones.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-09-2013, 11:24 AM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,463,066 times
Reputation: 25990
I posted my "update" a year later...and it is, while difficult to help an SO go thru his wife's belongings, in a very odd way, it has brought us closer together. Sure, we had some tense moments, and still more to come...but, in the end, it is therapuetic for him, and he just would not be able to do it himself.

Maybe something for other SO's, new spouses, who come into the mix to understand. You can either be part of the healing process, or part of the grief process, your choice. I choose to be part of the healing process. The key, is to not rush things, be patient, make a "nudge" not a drag out fight. Don't get into anything..if he wants to keep stuff, that is fine. I can say though, that her stuff needs to be out of our closet...give and take...and know when to stop.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-09-2013, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,176,988 times
Reputation: 3514
My husband was married to his first wife for 20-plus years. She didn't die. They decided to get divorced at some point...I enjoyed hearing stories about my husband's life with his first wife...For example: They took bus rides to buy large wooden hibachi's from "locals" when my husband was stationed in Japan.. And carried the hibachi's back with them on crowded busses.. His "ex" kept one hibachi and we "enjoyed" the other one...Neither one of us felt jealous or insecure about "past mates." We enjoyed hearing about each other's "roots" and "history."...Right now I don't feel like dating or getting involved with someone new...But if I ever change my mind I want to be able to talk about my life with my husband. And I'd want to hear about my man's "former life" too. But I know this probably isn't the "norm."

Last edited by CArizona; 06-09-2013 at 12:51 PM.. Reason: changes
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-09-2013, 01:18 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18819
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
My husband was married to his first wife for 20-plus years. She didn't die. They decided to get divorced at some point...I enjoyed hearing stories about my husband's life with his first wife...For example: They took bus rides to buy large wooden hibachi's from "locals" when my husband was stationed in Japan.. And carried the hibachi's back with them on crowded busses.. His "ex" kept one hibachi and we "enjoyed" the other one...Neither one of us felt jealous or insecure about "past mates." We enjoyed hearing about each other's "roots" and "history."...Right now I don't feel like dating or getting involved with someone new...But if I ever change my mind I want to be able to talk about my life with my husband. And I'd want to hear about my man's "former life" too. But I know this probably isn't the "norm."
I'm not so sure about that, CA. Why would anyone want to become involved with another who won't share their past? That would make me think they have something to hide. I also want to be able to share my past life with another if that time ever comes and I expect it of him too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-09-2013, 02:46 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,463,066 times
Reputation: 25990
This goes past "belongings"...but, is relevant...my SO does talk about his past, and his wife was a huge part of that...no denying it. He mentions her, but not all the time. Same as I will tell a relevant story from my past.

But, we made a pact in the beginning, everything was "Here and Now" that we talked about...that made our relationship about us. Then, after that was established, it was okay to go back to the past.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-09-2013, 04:34 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18819
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
This goes past "belongings"...but, is relevant...my SO does talk about his past, and his wife was a huge part of that...no denying it. He mentions her, but not all the time. Same as I will tell a relevant story from my past.

But, we made a pact in the beginning, everything was "Here and Now" that we talked about...that made our relationship about us. Then, after that was established, it was okay to go back to the past.
Very healthy way to go about things, Jasper.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-09-2013, 09:03 PM
 
48,519 posts, read 81,048,183 times
Reputation: 17978
Quote:
Originally Posted by sera View Post
Youngest son informed me he's coming for his Dad's tools, that his Dad/My husband informed him
they were his when he died.

Know it is just "stuff", though am not ready to let go. Am surprised how this has become an issue. First
he treats me as if he cannot do enough for me, then when I question him, about coming from another state, saying I am not ready, well it isn't pleasant. Says he need them for his new business; well, what if his Dad were still alive? ! When I told him I wasn't ready, he replied Dad wouldn't want them to gather dust. (DH departed for Heaven in February, 2012)

Need all the wisdom I can get right now, if you have dealt with a similar situation would appreciate your
input. Thank you as always, this Forum has been a great comfort to me.

God is good; this too shall pass---and more shall be revealed!
my view is this. Do you have a use for them? Does the son. Would your husband want them to just sit there and perhaps rust or go bad. I certainly would look for someone who you thnimk would use them as your husband apparently did.my bother in law passed same month but my sister has started giving his tools which are cameras to relative she knows will treasure them. She say she has no use for them and she wants them used as he would have wanted.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-10-2013, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,176,988 times
Reputation: 3514
Maybe I should start another thread that doesn't focus on "belongings" per se...I think I'll call it: "Feeling free to talk about a deceased spouse."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top