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Old 06-17-2013, 08:33 AM
 
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I know know this, going through belongings of the deceased, really has made me motivated to organize my own personal paperwork and other items.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
I'm not so sure about that, CA. Why would anyone want to become involved with another who won't share their past? That would make me think they have something to hide. I also want to be able to share my past life with another if that time ever comes and I expect it of him too.
I agree. I think it has to do with the health of the marriage and how it is done.
My first husband would do it in a comparison way to let me know he didn't like something.
Example " I always liked when so&so kept her hair long" "so & so made this dish this way"
The whole marriage was messed up and that didn't help.

My wonderful 2nd late husband had a wonderful 17 year marriage before me with a lady that passed away.He & I and my step kids all talked about all their old stories around the table a lot. I enjoyed hearing the past. He didn't do it in a way to compare and he loved me so completely that it didn't make me jealous.
It would be sad to not be able to talk about your past..I never visited the grave because it was in another state but I would have if he wanted me to, but that does seem like a personal time.
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Old 06-19-2013, 01:45 AM
 
Location: WA
604 posts, read 527,784 times
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Annual Senior Center rummage sale---

Suits, jackets, was able to bless them with these items, last items from our
closet.

It's been over a year since DH moved to Heaven, am ready to release the majority of what belonged to him. Note: Our 2nd son has moved back to town and he has 99% of his father's tools. It was only a few months when he first asked and was in DEEP grief---no excuse? Son does seem to understand.
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Old 06-19-2013, 08:58 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sera View Post
Annual Senior Center rummage sale---

Suits, jackets, was able to bless them with these items, last items from our
closet.

It's been over a year since DH moved to Heaven, am ready to release the majority of what belonged to him. Note: Our 2nd son has moved back to town and he has 99% of his father's tools. It was only a few months when he first asked and was in DEEP grief---no excuse? Son does seem to understand.
That's wonderful to hear, sera. I'm so happy for you and your son. I'm still getting rid of Earl's stuff. Having this house to himself and being the packrat he was, the "stuff" just never seems to end!
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Old 06-19-2013, 10:21 AM
 
Location: "Daytonnati"
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With me my partner didnt have much. After he passed I got into this wierd "clean everything out" stage and gave a lot away to Goodwill, donated some knicknacks he had collected to a silent auction fundraiser, etc...
...massive clean out the closests campaign. I guess it was a way of dealing with grief, wanting him to 'be gone'. Hard to describe this, as it sounds...well...sort of cold.

And yes...

...I now regret doing some of that. Getting rid of too much.

I did save some things. I saved some old shirts he had. Things he had with him when he moved here 25 years ago. Saved his jewlrey..his big turqouis ring, for example. The sky last night around sunset reminded me of that ring.

Also have some papers, work stuff, etc, his old ID cards, etc...worthless but just his stuff. Geez.....this is starting to make me choked up!

sorry...
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
31,164 posts, read 57,288,199 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sera View Post
It's been over a year since DH moved to Heaven, am ready to release the majority of what belonged to him.
Good for you. Inspire me, please! I'm starting to feel like Miss Havisham in Great Expectations.

Even I think it's creepy that my husband's clothes still hang in his closet a year and a half later, and I still don't feel like doing anything about it. It's not like I can wear any of that stuff, and I know darn well he's not coming back for it. It's such an overwhelming task, and when I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down.

My brother-in-law keeps telling me he'll help, but when I ask him to come over, he's busy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dayton Sux View Post
Saved his jewlrey..his big turqouis ring, for example. The sky last night around sunset reminded me of that ring.
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:04 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,739,165 times
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I had all of Bob's clothes hanging in the closet for almost 3 years. I do know he's not coming back and it is rather creepy. Still......

I'm afraid of getting rid of things I may regret. I gave away all his suits, Dockers, shoes, and ties, but I kept most of his dress shirts and t-shirts. I don't know why. I finally put most of them in Space Bags and they're in the garage, but I do have a few shirts still in the closet. They're comforting...
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Old 06-20-2013, 08:20 AM
 
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Now, you understand why my SO could not go thru his wife's stuff alone. That is why I am helping him. The whole task was too overwhelming, and even now, he has a hard time.

I just work on the fact that this has nothing to do with me, and separate it. He can feel grief for his loss, and still be happy with me. It is not easy... For either one of us.
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Old 06-20-2013, 10:47 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
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If I hadn't known I was going to have to evenutally move, Earl's clothes would still be hanging in both closets, here and back in the old house. I would have kept them for comfort. I still have the odd piece or two BUT if there was someone else in my life I sure wouldn't be rubbing it in their nose and the stuff would be removed. That's just me though. I would respect the new person's feelings. Earl understood that and that's why he talked to me about things before he died.
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Old 06-21-2013, 12:20 AM
 
Location: WA
604 posts, read 527,784 times
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For me, there is no right or wrong. We live in a small, mostly retirement town. Do not
know who would use good suits, jackets, just time to let go. It was a wee bit tearful.
Knowing someone else might enjoy his better clothes is comforting.

For me, if one person will not assist me, am bless with others who willingly offer to assist me, maybe just hand holding or having a chat and or cup of tea afterwards.

? Maybe the Lord too, is allowing me,to move forward to the next part of my journey
of life.
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