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Old 07-16-2013, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
Reputation: 3514

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Making the move showed me that I was in denial about quite a few things...When nearly everything was packed and "gone" I realized that I'd been living in a "morgue."...I had started to come into my own a little more. BUT I was chained to the past too. Now I'm suddenly thrust into the world on my own and it's a "shocker" and I'm disoriented and even "lost" at times...But I honestly think that I needed some type of "wake-up call" and "fresh start" in order to be able to go "on." Even though I seemed "okay" and functioned "good enough" everyday I might have gone on to join my husband and sons before too long. (Not suicide...Some type of natural death eventually.)...Even now I feel "wispy." And only "half here." But in time I think I may do better because I made the move.. And (of course) I'm physically and emotionally drained from moving everything right now.
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Old 07-16-2013, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
Reputation: 3514
Lately I've written about "well-meaning friends" who came on "too strong" with me at times.. Other friends looked and seemed concerned (about me) but didn't say much...Even my cats seemed concerned about me. And worried in their own way...I felt "okay." I functioned! But I guess everyone was waiting (and hoping) to see a little more "life" in me. ..The "old me" didn't show-up very often. I've always been an "idea person" with tons of creative projects waiting in the "wings." Not someone who just "exists" to get through each day. (With absolutely no goals or dreams for the future.)...My "well-meaning friends" helped me get out of my "rut" by having the guts and courage to actually "confront me." (And be "pests!") They may have even saved my life. Who knows?
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Old 07-17-2013, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,506 posts, read 23,180,936 times
Reputation: 8829
My dad was a widower and had severe issues even replacing a table from the 70's. He wasnt ready to move on, but he did admit it (emotionally). The dr said it was a form of grieving, some will never let go.
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Old 07-18-2013, 08:56 AM
 
2,579 posts, read 4,782,136 times
Reputation: 5277
jasper12, at the risk of being repetitious, let me quote your own post to someone in the Relationships forum...
Quote:
Make a decision. Don't wait around for a man to decide if he wants you or not. Forget that.
See any parallels?
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Old 07-18-2013, 09:10 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,440,508 times
Reputation: 25990
Nope. No problems there. I just have not been very vocal about it. It is a difficult subject to tackle, as you all know. He does not realize the issues. I have been rather quiet.

We won't break up over this. Or anything else, it is just part of blending as a couple.

Some of this is growing up with depression era parents, and maybe also part is hoarding, not wanting to part with anything.

We have had quite a purge in the last few months. It has been a lot of changes.
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Old 07-19-2013, 07:01 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18811
Pure denial. Ended.
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Old 07-22-2013, 10:19 AM
 
2,579 posts, read 4,782,136 times
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Hmm, I notice that jasper hasn't been back to this thread in 4 days but has been actively posting elsewhere. I suspect we touched a nerve on that one.
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Old 07-22-2013, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,702 posts, read 21,750,727 times
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Maybe she's taking time to digest before the next course (of action). She did say as much. Sometimes we just have to put things aside for a while.
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Old 07-24-2013, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,174,193 times
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If we bring up an issue (or situation we're facing) we're going to receive varied responses...Everyone has his or her own thoughts and "take" on our situation. Don't you think?...I notice that some friends can get into the "protective mode" based on what I say. (Or "report.")...Anyway, back to the topic: I think we all have different "tolerance levels" when it comes to former spouses and their "stuff." Don't you?...Personally I don't want to consider dating until I'm a little more "free and clear." (In all ways!)
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Old 07-24-2013, 12:26 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,431 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18811
That old bf I posted about called me and asked to come see me. I said "no". I did what I had wanted to do, apologize and that's it. He's been through a dead wife, a dead gf who died in his arms and has a current gf WHY would I want to have you come to my house????
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