U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-31-2013, 02:24 AM
 
Location: Earth
438 posts, read 537,789 times
Reputation: 2938

Advertisements

I got rid of a lot of papers that seem ancient. I cut up his t-shirts and made a quilt. 5 years later I don't have much left.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-31-2013, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,149,133 times
Reputation: 3514
My move shook me up and made me come face-to-face with my "aloneness" today...I have to create a new life for myself. (Whether I feel like it or not!)...I was on my own and a single parent for 12 years before I met my "last" husband. (And the "great love" of my life.)...Memories of my time alone have been "popping-up" recently. I didn't "shrivel-up" after my divorce. Somehow I found a way to "go forward" and I built a new life for myself as an "individual." (In my own "right.")...And I know this is what I have to do (again) today. (Minus my husband and both of my sons.)...It's going to take time and patience and determination! But I did "it" before and I'm just going to have to find a way to "do it" again!.. "Onwards and upwards!" (As my son used to say!).."No douta bouta!" (As my husband used to say!).. Obviously it's not my time to "go" quite yet so I better "toughen-up." And formulate some goals and dreams for my future. I know this is what my husband and sons would eventually do if they were "left" here on their own.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-31-2013, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,149,133 times
Reputation: 3514
Marcy...I notice that I'm making my coffee stronger these days. Everyone used to tease me about my "weak coffee!"...My (younger) son would call me "bold and daring" today! I've been moving out of my old ruts and routines...Sometimes we can become "enslaved" by the so-called "familiar." Don't you think? And it can turn our life into a "prison."...Am I going to be "open" or "closed" to new "possibilities?" Am I going to insist on having (or doing) things a certain way to the point that I limit and restrict my "freedom?" (And opportunities for new growth.)...These are the kinds of questions I ask myself each day. I know I can't "hibernate" in my "cave" forever and ever and think about what "used to be." At some point I'm going to have to "fire myself up." And "strut" my "stuff" again and take some "daring leaps!" (Into the "unknown!")
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-31-2013, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 5,149,133 times
Reputation: 3514
Sorry for my weird posts this morning...Been giving myself a lot of "pep talks" about "letting go" and "moving on!" I'm trying not to be too sentimental...Tami...Nice of you to give your blankets and comforters to the.animal shelter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2013, 09:41 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,280,865 times
Reputation: 25973
Well, it all takes time. My SO has now made a lot of progress. And, we are moving from his old house on November 1st. Almost none of the furniture is coming, and, he is buying a new bed.

It took time. And understanding. No rush. And I did not get into it with him. But her stuff is gone, he still has some things, and that is fine. The answering machine with her voice, I think is creepy, but he likes, is now relegated to his office. Not in the kitchen any longer.

We have been together for three years. It has been slow, but he has come around. Just took some readjustments...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2013, 07:29 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,213 posts, read 18,002,527 times
Reputation: 18585
I must say, Jasper, you are a more patient woman than I! I'm glad things have turned out like you had hoped they would.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2013, 09:08 AM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,280,865 times
Reputation: 25973
I hope, maybe the perspective of a new significant other can help others. He was ready to be happy, but was afraid that getting rid of her stuff meant forgetting the last 45 years of his life. And his wife, who he loved very much.
He realized though, that she is gone, and I was getting frustrated. But I waited until he was ready. However, I was pretty clear, once I mmoved in, there was only so much space.

Shrug. Down sizing is difficult.

Last edited by jasper12; 10-24-2013 at 09:09 AM.. Reason: Edit
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2013, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,428 posts, read 41,346,160 times
Reputation: 46979
Even older folks without the loss of a spouse have trouble letting go of old possessions. My mother was an Army Wife during the 40's,50's and 60's and she accumulated all manner of Asian art, china, german tapestries, doll collections, you name it. She lunged that stuff around the world of decades and handed it off to me expecting me to do the same. "You never know when you will need it" was the family mantra. With our last move I was able to get rid of a bunch of it but i still have way too much to feel comfortable with. And my smart children have announced they aren't about to take it on either.

With time he will feel comfortable letting more of it go. you are wise to be so patient.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-01-2014, 07:31 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,280,865 times
Reputation: 25973
It was interesting for me to read the "journey" here. Maybe it will help someone else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-14-2015, 06:54 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,104 times
Reputation: 28
Wow! When my father died, my brothers TOOK my father's tools and coin collection, saying nothing to my mother. She did not find out until later that they were gone. When a husband passes away, everything he owns automatically goes to the spouse unless he has a will that says otherwise. Your son is being selfish and very insensitive to your feelings. I understand your feelings perfectly! My husband passed away 4 months ago. If ANYONE tried to get me to part with any of his things before I am ready, the answer will be a big fat NO. I said I was going to give his clothes to a group that helps the homeless that I am a member of on Facebook, but honestly I am not ready to do so yet, and will not until I am ready. I have given away a few things - a wheelchair and walker to a friend, a zippo lighter and some personal momentos to my son, and a few other things. You will know when you are ready - don't let anyone try to make you do something that you are not ready for. I would tell your son that you will give them to him when you are ready - and not before...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top