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Old 09-18-2015, 11:26 PM
3,984 posts, read 5,270,224 times
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My husband died this past December after a four year illness. In the early spring, I was invited to spend the summer in the community that we used to live in - just to get away and think about what I wanted. I felt very drawn to that place - our former home. Lots of friends were very welcoming, I had a job offer, many opportunities popped up, just such a wonderful community. (We relocated shortly before my husband became ill, so I have never really established a community in the new place.) So I have decided to move back. In fact, I bought a house during my summer stay. So my son and I just arrived back at the relocation house to work on getting it ready for sale, to pack up, etc. After being away for 2 months I had no idea how hard it would hit me to be back in this house. We bought this house after my husband was diagnosed. He was never well here. There are many memories of stress, sadness, increasing debilitation, and he eventually died right here in our bedroom. So now I am trying to hold it together to do all the things that need to be done, including sorting through his things and taking only what I need, in order to move to my new house, which is smaller. I do want to start my new life. I know that moving will not take away all my memories and my love for my husband. So I am not conflicted about moving. But the task ahead is so huge, and it is so hard. Our son is here to help me for a few weeks, but I will eventually be doing this alone. So hard.
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Old 09-22-2015, 01:01 AM
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,674 posts, read 6,764,288 times
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My husband died in our home while I was at our "snowbird" condo in Tucson. It was very sudden and unexpected. I went home for two months, as well, but had to decide whether to keep our family home we'd had since 1975, or move out of state, where I knew no one, to the snowbird condo. I ended up choosing the condo, for many reasons, and truly started over in a place where I knew no one and had never lived without him. We'd only had our condo for a year, and had only spent a few months there. It's now been five years and I've made friends and gotten involved in this community.

I had to clean out the family home which meant dealing with all his things. Since I wasn't ready to give his things away, I moved them to the condo. Almost six years later, I still have some of his t-shirts, sweatshirts and all his personal effects. I have a few pictures around, a photo album out prominently, and some of his cherished items on display.

It's really hard to move, but you're going back to where you were both happy and healthy. That's comforting. Once you're there, and settling in, you'll be surprised that it wasn't as hard as you had imagined it would be.
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Old 09-22-2015, 02:50 AM
Location: Las Vegas
731 posts, read 524,970 times
Reputation: 1478
I have not read through all of this thread yet, but something our family has done has been to make pillows and quilts out of the clothing of the deceased. The these can be shared and cuddled in memory of the person who died. It can take time and may need to be hired out, but it is a great thing for kids and grandkids to have and costs little. I just got my grandfather's bathrobe when I visited my dad this summer. It fits me perfectly and will be wonderful to use! Better than gathering dust in a closet!
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