U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-27-2012, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,206 posts, read 2,095,491 times
Reputation: 1529

Advertisements

Hello All,

I'm not sure if this is the correct forum, but here goes. My MIL has been diagnosed with Stage 4, in-operable cancer and her doctor has given her only a few months.

My question is, she has always loved to color red, and so did her father. I was wondering if it would be appropriate to wear red to her funeral? I know she wore red to her fathers funeral and a few people said some not so nice things to her about it, making her feel the need to explain, then they sulked off without even an apology. I don't want people to think I am not respectful, but she has requested this be a celebration of her life as apposed to a somber sad occasion. What are your thoughts?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-27-2012, 03:06 PM
 
5,106 posts, read 6,066,443 times
Reputation: 9677
tough one

how about dress her in red and you wear the same shade
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-27-2012, 03:09 PM
 
Location: West Michigan
12,233 posts, read 7,348,192 times
Reputation: 7052
I'd say is she requested a celebration then wearing red is perfectly appropriate (in my opinion) and you should pass the word to as many as possible that it would be nice if they'd all wear her favorite color. Of course, this is a topic that should be suggested and discussed first with her immediate family when they plan the service.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-27-2012, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,086,888 times
Reputation: 6767
How about wearing mostly black with a striking slash of red?

Like a gorgeous scarf and ring, or clutch or earrings.

That would make more of a statement IMO both fashion wise, to your MIL, and make the traditional types happy if you do it right.

I'd probably use the opportunity to wear a hat and red veil, but I'm a fashion victim.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-27-2012, 03:44 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,863 posts, read 18,902,231 times
Reputation: 25113
I'd probably wear a black suit and a red blouse, or a black dress and red scarf. And have the flower arrangements be red, in honor of her preference.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-27-2012, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Kirkwood, DE and beautiful SXM!
12,054 posts, read 19,651,108 times
Reputation: 31734
I agree with all of the others. However, I have been there so be prepared that there will be those who still criticize whatever you wear. If your MIL is able, ask her what she would like you to wear when the time comes. That way, if someone says something to you, you can let them know that it was her special request. My condolences.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-27-2012, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
4,089 posts, read 5,502,748 times
Reputation: 6412
If your MIL wore red to her father's funeral, then obviously she thinks it's appropriate. Maybe, when the time comes, you can remind your husband and the immediate family about that and see what they think. Or ask her about it, if she's the type to discuss her funeral plans in advance. At my cousin's funeral, the family asked that everyone wear colorful socks in his honor. He apparently was known for his wacky sock selection. So maybe you could remind people that red was your MIL's favorite color and ask them to wear a bit of red in her honor. I do think touches of red would be more tasteful than a church full of red ensembles. Anyway, I think it will be a very nice way to personalize the services and bring a smile to people's faces.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-27-2012, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Philaburbia
31,184 posts, read 57,317,340 times
Reputation: 52038
I like the idea of sharing with family and friends that red was her favorite color, and asking them to wear red to honor her. You could even put that request in her obituary.

I'm sorry your family is going through this. My best to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-28-2012, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,206 posts, read 2,095,491 times
Reputation: 1529
Thank you all for your responses.

My husband and his brother will be making the arrangements for her funeral, so I will ask my husbands brother what his feelings are also.

I do have a nice cardigan that I wear with black slacks and it is a white background with red roses and some black, I got it from White House / Black Market. I may wear that because it still has red but is also appropriate.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-29-2012, 09:14 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,439 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18824
Quote:
Originally Posted by lauramc27 View Post
Thank you all for your responses.

My husband and his brother will be making the arrangements for her funeral, so I will ask my husbands brother what his feelings are also.

I do have a nice cardigan that I wear with black slacks and it is a white background with red roses and some black, I got it from White House / Black Market. I may wear that because it still has red but is also appropriate.
That sounds like a lovely idea, laura.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top