Who gets buried with who

[Wayland Woman]

The funeral directory told me if I drive my husband's ashes from point A to point B to make sure I have paperwork with them documenting what's in the container. I guess people have been arrested because ashes on first glance look a lot like cocaine.

[suzy_q2010]

You can also just place a monument in a cemetery for someone who was cremated, even if the ashes are not there. I have relatives for whom that was done, an aunt, uncle, and one of their sons.

[kevxu]

Originally Posted by Wayland Woman

The funeral directory told me if I drive my husband's ashes from point A to point B to make sure I have paperwork with them documenting what's in the container. I guess people have been arrested because ashes on first glance look a lot like cocaine.

When I have received cremated remains they have always had a certificate with them stating what is in the container, supplied by the crematorium.

No, cremated remains do not look like cocaine in any of its various states, though I suppose a naive policeman who didn't know might it imagine that. Tell 'em to wet a finger and stick it in the container, and then suck it - they will know for sure it is not cocaine. I don't know how I would handle telling them what it really is after that.

[Chava61]

My widowed uncle married a widowed woman. When my uncle died he was buried next to his first wife the mother of his children. I know that his second wife who is now a widow twice wants to be buried next to her first husband, the father of her son.

[CArizona]

When my first husband passed-away (in 2000) my older son purchased 2 side-by-side gravesites. (One for his Dad and younger brother.)...It was nice that he bought the site for his brother (too) but it did seem a little odd since my younger son was well and healthy at the time...A few years later my older son passed-away and we had him cremated and kept his ashes...Then my "last" husband passed away and I had him cremated...My younger son passed-away last year and I had him cremated and kept his ashes here too...So the gravesite next to my first husband sits empty. I haven't dealt with any of it yet since my older son's name is on the cemetary papers. (And purchase orders etc.)...I'm still in "shock" from losing everyone. (All in a row.) So I'll deal with the empty gravesite down the road. (When I feel better!)

[thinkalot]

I was at a funeral once and noticed a gravestone with 2 names. The husband was dead and the wife's name was also on the stone. The reason I noticed was that the wife was only 23 when her husband died. Did she think she would never marry again? That she wouldn't spend a lot more years with the next husband? I blame the saleman for this. I could understand a griefstricken young widow doing this but I think they should have pointed out a few things to her.

[Arkansas Mac]

Originally Posted by thinkalot

I was at a funeral once and noticed a gravestone with 2 names. The husband was dead and the wife's name was also on the stone. The reason I noticed was that the wife was only 23 when her husband died. Did she think she would never marry again? That she wouldn't spend a lot more years with the next husband? I blame the saleman for this. I could understand a griefstricken young widow doing this but I think they should have pointed out a few things to her.

In some areas it is common for the first spouses to be buried together regardless how many times they marry afterwards or how long they are married to a later spouse.

It doesn't strike me as unusual at all.

[jasper12]

This is a rather grim subject, but can be funny, in a twisted way. Me? I have no desire to be buried next to any man.

Second marriages tend to put people into a tizzy. My Uncle was married to my Aunt for 50 years, she died, he moved on, and married another gal. Now, he wants to be married next to her. Or she wants that, whatever, who really cares? Well, he needs my Mother to sign a paper, allowing this, as the burial plots are owned by a family trust.

And my Mom, just to be onery, and cantankerous, refuses to sign the papers. She could care less, and she was never fond of her sister. But she can control this burial plot. One thing in her life she controls, and she is holding this like a dog with a bone.

Sigh. They called me to 'talk sense' into her... Like I care. I asked how much they were willing to pay, and they acted offended. Come on, if this is so important, give her cash. She would probably sign the paperwork...

And so the drama continues....

[aquietpath]

Originally Posted by CArizona

When my first husband passed-away (in 2000) my older son purchased 2 side-by-side gravesites. (One for his Dad and younger brother.)...It was nice that he bought the site for his brother (too) but it did seem a little odd since my younger son was well and healthy at the time...A few years later my older son passed-away and we had him cremated and kept his ashes...Then my "last" husband passed away and I had him cremated...My younger son passed-away last year and I had him cremated and kept his ashes here too...So the gravesite next to my first husband sits empty. I haven't dealt with any of it yet since my older son's name is on the cemetary papers. (And purchase orders etc.)...I'm still in "shock" from losing everyone. (All in a row.) So I'll deal with the empty gravesite down the road. (When I feel better!)

That is a lot of loss in a short period of time. My sincere condolences, and yes, don't worry about the gravesite until you are ready to deal with it.

[Ohiogirl81]

My father-in-law -- the spouse's stepfather -- has had three wives; he plans to be cremated, have his ashes divided in three, and buried with each one. One is in New York, one somewhere in New England, and one in New Jersey.

I think he's working on Wife #4, too. It's going to take five years for his children to get him in all the right places.

There's space for me in the spouse's family cemetery, and I'll likely be cremated and buried next to him. I suppose I should put that in writing somewhere, lest my sister feed me to the carp in Lake Erie. LOL

Originally Posted by akm4

Make your wishes known, or you might end up rooming with your MIL for all eternity

There's a sobering prospect.