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Old 07-12-2012, 03:46 PM
 
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Sorry and feel for you.

what did the lawyer say you could do? Other than that the husband has total control over his wife, their belongings, and estate if any. Unless the lawyer gives other advice.
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Old 07-12-2012, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
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Sadly, the attorney really offered no concrete advice. If a parent is dying in a hospital, there are options. In a private care facility, the options are in the hands of the facility, its Security and the person controlling access to the critically ill person.

And Bob is always home. He doesn't drive anymore and basically never gets up from his reclining chair. And because my mother is presumably days or weeks from passing away, he definitely will not leave their room.
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Old 07-12-2012, 04:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
Sadly, the attorney really offered no concrete advice. If a parent is dying in a hospital, there are options. In a private care facility, the options are in the hands of the facility, its Security and the person controlling access to the critically ill person.
I think the lawyer may have omitted a part. In a hospital, you would have the RIGHT to visit and see her until the closest relative sets the order. had she been in a hospital and her husband was nowhere around, the hospital must allow you to vist her, but once he arrives and says no to you visiting, his rights as next of kin overrides yours. So under these conditions, you still would be barred from visiting if that is what he states. (of course, it may be difficult for the hospital to enforce his wishes with everything that is happening, and that may be the get around)
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Old 07-12-2012, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
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It's draining for me that my detestation of Bob and what he's doing is almost as overwhelming as the grief I feel for my mother. I have to find a way to displace this anger, if that's possible. Maybe time does heal all wounds. I sure do hope so.
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Old 07-12-2012, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Washingtonville
2,506 posts, read 1,932,442 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
It's draining for me that my detestation of Bob and what he's doing is almost as overwhelming as the grief I feel for my mother. I have to find a way to displace this anger, if that's possible. Maybe time does heal all wounds. I sure do hope so.
Just curious to see if you have ever considered asking bob to talk to you? Maybe if you show a sign that you are willing to put differences aside, he might come around. From what I have heard everything you have tried has been what some might consider to be attacking. Call up your siblings and try with them first. The problem is that we don't have the complete picture, we don't know your family history. We only know what you have told us.

Sometimes we need to humble ourselves more than we actually think.
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Old 07-12-2012, 05:10 PM
 
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Two sides to every story

We are only hearing one side
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Old 07-12-2012, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Australia
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I don't think the lawyer is being very helpful...they are such a lazy breed.

Courts exist so the "little man" can be heard.

Shop around for another lawyer, failing that, petition the courts yourself for a court order to force access.

Think of it as a child custody dispute - someone's saying you can't see your loved one but the courts may well have other ideas...you've just got to get it there.

If your mother has alzheimers she is not capable of making a decision, if Bob is elderly and infirm too you will stand a good chance of having him declared incapable of decisions too.

I really feel for you...this sucks. How mean.

PS...on second thought...

Bob is old and decrepit, he probably can not physically stop you from accessing your mother. Not that you want to go pushing elderly people around, but if comes to a face to face, he would have to back down.

IMO.
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Old 07-12-2012, 06:43 PM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
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If security won't let her past and there is a peephole and the door is locked - I'd say she's out of luck unless she could get a court order.

OP with the way the courts are backed up now, do you think there's a reasonable chance your mother will live long enough for you to proceed with that?

Ulysses, I'm so very sorry - I can't imagine that your siblings are being quite so cruel either - I know there is dysfunction, but this situation bypasses that and goes to a new stage of weirdness.

Peace to you. I have no answers - I wish I did - but I'll be thinking of you.
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Old 07-12-2012, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
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Sam, thank you.

And Redwolf, thanks so much for your words of kindnes. Sure, there are inevitably "two sides to any story." Can you come up with a scenario where being kept from your mother's death bed is justified? I'm sure we're all ears.

And thank you to all who offered suggestions and options. Very much appreciated.
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Old 07-12-2012, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,083,525 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ulysses61 View Post
Sam, thank you.

And Redwolf, thanks so much for your words of kindnes. Sure, there are inevitably "two sides to any story." Can you come up with a scenario where being kept from your mother's death bed is justified? I'm sure we're all ears.

And thank you to all who offered suggestions and options. Very much appreciated.
Only if your mother herself had requested it when she was in sound mind.

Sounds like this is NOT the case here.

Bob may also be suffering from some sort of dementia. I would take some back up (a good friend) and just go visit. You need to be able to say goodbye, and your mum will know you're there, at some level.

Sometimes, the Police can be helpful in this situation...for example, if you turn up, Bob calls the cops, the police are very good at negotiating situations like this so every one comes away satisfied. Most things do not need to proceed to court.

I would definitely try the direct approach. If Bob is having a "vague" day he may just let you in without a quibble.

good luck.
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